Chapter 14

1. Chapter 14 Socio-emotional Development in Early Adulthood ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

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4. Temperament • Activity Level • Adjustment • Inhibition • Emotionality ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

5. Activity Level • In one longitudinal study, children who were highly active at age 4 were likely to be very outgoing at 23, demonstrating continuity. • From adolescence into early adulthood, most individuals show fewer emotional mood swings, become more responsible, and engage in less risk-taking behaviour, which reflects discontinuity. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

6. Adjustment • In one longitudinal study, children who had an easy temperament at age 3–5 were likely to be well-adjusted as young adults. • Children who had a difficult temperament at age 3–5 were often not well-adjusted as young adults. • Boys with a difficult temperament in childhood were found to be less likely as adults to continue their formal education. • Girls with a difficult temperament in childhood were found to experience more marital conflict. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

7. Inhibition • Individuals with an inhibited temperament in childhood are less likely as adults to be assertive, experience social support, and to delay in entering a stable job track. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

8. Emotionality • In one longitudinal study, when 3-year-olds showed good control of their emotions and were resilient in the face of stress, they were likely to continue to handle emotions effectively as adults. • When 3-year-olds had low emotional control and were not very resilient, they were likely to show problems in these areas as young adults. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

9. Attachment • Securely Attached • Insecure-Dismissing • Insecure-Preoccupied • Attachment and Romantic Relationships ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

10. Securely Attached • About 50–60% of adults are securely attached. • These individuals provide realistic, coherent descriptions of their childhood and appear to understand how past experiences affect their current lives as adults. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

11. Insecure-Dismissing • Approximately 25–30% of adults fall into this category of attachment. • They don’t want to discuss their relationships with their parents or do not seem invested in them. • Their memories often focus on negative experiences, such as being rejected or neglected. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

12. Insecure-Preoccupied • Approximately 15% of adults fall into this category of attachment. • They readily talk about their relationships but they tend to be incoherent and disorganized. • They appear to be unable to move beyond their childhood issues with parents and often express anger towards them or ongoing efforts to please them. – ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

13. Attachment and Romantic Relationships • Romantic partners fulfill some of the same needs for adults as parents do for children. • Adults count on romantic partners to be a secure base to which they can return and obtain comfort and security in stressful times. • Studies show a link between the quality of childhood attachment relationships and the quality of adult romantic relationships. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

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15. Attraction • Familiarity and Similarity • Physical Attraction • http://vad.mhhe.com/provided_module.cfm?ModuleID=225 (Search for Intimacy: “Falling in Love”) ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

16. Familiarity and Similarity • Familiarity is a condition that is necessary for a close relationship to develop. • We like to associate with people similar to us. • We tend to have similar: • Attitudes • Behaviour • Clothes • Characteristics • Intelligence • Personality • Values • Lifestyles ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

17. Consensual Validation • Consensual validation provides an explanation of why people are attracted to others who are similar to them. • Our own attitudes and behaviour are supported when someone else’s attitudes and behaviour are similar to ours. • Similarity implies that we will enjoy doing the same things with the other person. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

18. Physical Attraction • Men and women across many cultures differ on the importance they place on good looks when they seek an intimate partner. • Women tend to rate considerateness, honesty, dependability, kindness, and understanding as most important. • Men tend to prefer good looks, cooking skills, and frugality. • The force of similarity operates at a physical level, as explained by the matching hypothesis. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

19. The Matching Hypothesis • The matching hypothesis states that while we may prefer a more attractive person in the abstract, in the real world we end up choosing someone who is close to our own level of attractiveness. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

20. The Faces of Love • Intimacy • Romantic Love • Affectionate Love • Consummate Love • Friendship ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

21. Intimacy • Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy versus Isolation • The Role of Intimacy in Relationship Maturity • Intimacy and Independence ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

22. Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy versus Isolation • Erikson believes that intimacy should come after individuals are well on their way to establishing stable and successful identities. • Erikson describes intimacy as finding oneself yet losing oneself in another person. • If intimacy is not developed in early adulthood, the individual may be left with what Erikson calls isolation. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

23. The Role of Intimacy in Relationship Maturity • The Self-Focused Level • The Role-Focused Level • The Individuated-Connected Level ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

24. The Self-focused Level • The first level of relationship maturity, at which one’s perspective on another person or a relationship is concerned only with how it affects oneself. • The individual’s own wishes and plans overshadow those of others, and the individual shows little concern for others. • Intimate communication skills are in the early, experimental stages. • There is little understanding of mutuality or consideration of another’s sexual needs. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

25. The Role-focused Level • The intermediate level of relationship maturity, when one begins to perceive others as individuals in their own right. • At this level, the perspective is stereotypical and emphasizes social acceptability. • Commitment to an individual, rather than to the romantic partner role, is not articulated. • Generalizations about the importance of communication exist, but underlying this is a shallow understanding of commitment. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

26. Individuated-connected Level • The highest level of relationship maturity, when one begins to understand oneself, as well as to have consideration for others’ motivations and to anticipate their needs. • Concern and caring involve emotional support and individualized expression of interest. • Individuals understand the personal time and investment needed to make a committed relationship work. • This level is not likely reached until adulthood. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

27. Romantic Love • Also called passionate love or Eros. • It has strong components of sexuality and infatuation, and it often predominates in the early part of a love relationship. • In our culture, romantic love is the main reason we get married. • Romantic love is what we mean when we say that we are “in love.” • Romantic love involves a complex intermingling of different emotions. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

28. Affectionate Love • Affectionate love, also called companionate love, is the type of love that occurs when individuals desire to have the other person near and have a deep, caring affection for the person. • As love matures, passion gives way to affection. • With time, sexual attraction wanes, attachment anxieties either lessen or produce conflict and withdrawal, novelty is replaced with familiarity, and lovers either find themselves securely attached or distressed. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

29. Consummate Love • Triangular Theory of Love includes three main types: • Passion • Intimacy • Commitment ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

30. Friendship • What is Friendship? • Female, Male, and Female-Male Friendship ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

31. What is Friendship? • Friendship is a form of close relationship that involves: • Enjoyment • Acceptance • Trust • Respect • Mutual Assistance • Confiding • Understanding • Spontaneity ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

32. Functions of Friendships • Companionship • Intimacy • Affection • Support • Source of Self-Esteem • Buffer from Stress • Source of Emotional Support ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

33. Female, Male, and Female-Male Friendships • Women have more close friends and their friendships are more intimate. • Adult male friendships are more competitive. • Female friends tend to spend time talking. • Male friends spend time engaged in activities. • Male friends’ talk is more distant, less intimate. • Cross-sex friendships can provide both opportunities and problems. • Men are more likely to try to turn a platonic relationship into a sexual one. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

34. Loneliness • Among the reasons loneliness is common today are: • society’s emphasis on self-fulfillment and achievement • the importance we attach to commitment in relationships • a decline in stable, close relationships • Married individuals experience less loneliness. • Loneliness is extremely common among college freshmen. • Men are more likely to blame loneliness on themselves. • Women are more likely to blame external factors. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

35. Loneliness and Life’s Transitions • Loneliness is interwoven with how people pass through life transitions. • Lonely males and females attribute their loneliness to different sources, with men more likely to blame themselves and women are more likely to blame external factors. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

36. Loneliness and Technology • Technology is a contributing factor to loneliness. • People tend to isolate themselves with their computers. • The Internet may have also decreased the amount of time people interact with others. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

37. Strategies to Be Better Connected to Others • Participate in activities that you can do with others. • Be aware of the early warning signs of loneliness. • Draw a diagram of your social network. • Engage in positive behaviours when you meet new people. • See a counsellor or read a book on loneliness. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

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39. The Family Life Cycle • Leaving Home and Becoming a Single Adult • The Joining of Families Through Marriage: The New Couple • Becoming Parents and a Family with Children • The Family with Adolescents • The Family at Midlife • The Family in Later Life ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

40. Leaving Home and Becoming a Single Adult • This is the first stage in the family life cycle and involves launching. • Launching is the process in which youths move into adulthood and exit their family of origin. • Adequate completion of launching requires separating from the family without cutting off ties completely or fleeing in a reactive way to find some form of substitute emotional refuge. • It is a time for young people to sort out emotionally what they will take from the family of origin, what they will leave behind, and what they will make themselves into. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

41. The Joining of Families through Marriage: The New Couple • This is the second stage in the family life cycle, in which two individuals from separate families of origin unite to form a new family system. • This involves both the development of the marital system and the realignment with extended families and friends to include the spouse. • Marriage is actually not only the union of two individuals but the union of two entire family systems and the development of a new system. • Experts believe that marriage represents a completely different phenomenon for women and men. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

42. Becoming Parents and a Family with Children • This is the third stage in the family life cycle, and entering this stage requires that adults now move up a generation and become caregivers to the younger generation. • Success in this stage requires a commitment of time as a parent, understanding the roles of parents, and adapting to developmental changes in children. • Problems arise when a couple struggles with each other about taking responsibility, as well as refusal or inability to function as competent parents. • http://vad.mhhe.com/provided_module.cfm?ModuleID=227(Parenting, Families, and Work: “Transition to Parenting: Heterosexual Married Couple”) ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

43. The Family with Adolescents • This represents the fourth stage of the family life cycle. • Adolescence is a period of development in which individuals push for autonomy and seek to develop their own identity. • Parents tend to adopt one of two strategies: • they clamp down and put more pressure on the adolescent to conform to parental values • they become more permissive and let the adolescent have extensive freedom • Neither is a wise overall strategy. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

44. The Family at Mid-Life • This is the fifth stage in the family life cycle, and it is a time of: • launching children • playing an important role in linking generations • adapting to midlife changes in development • Because of the lower birth rate and longer life of most adults, parents now launch their children about 20 years before retirement. • This frees many midlife parents to pursue other activities. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

45. The Family in Later Life • This is the sixth and final stage in the family life cycle. • Retirement alters a couple’s lifestyle, requiring adaptation. • Grandparenting also characterizes many families in this stage. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

46. Marriage • Marital Trends in Canada • Cultural Influences on Marriage • Marital Expectations and Myths • What Makes Marriages Work • Benefits of a Good Marriage ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

47. Marital Trends in Canada • More adults are remaining single longer today. • The family unit is getting smaller with a growing proportion of childless couples. • We are 8th internationally for most number of divorces. • Canadians are waiting longer to get married and are staying married for longer. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

48. Cultural Influences on Marriage • Most Canadian marriages are of choice but in countries such as Asia and Africa, arranged marriages are common. • Cohabitation is common in Scandinavian countries. • In North America, personal attraction and passion dictate mate selection but that is not the case in other parts of the world. • Religion provides a model for marriage behaviour. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

49. Marital Expectations • One of the explanations of our nation’s high divorce rate is that we have such strong expectations of marriage. • In one study, unhappily married couples expressed unrealistic expectations about marriage. • Individuals who have highly romantic beliefs about marriage are likely to encounter disappointment as they realize that sustaining their romantic ideal is not possible. • Underlying unrealistic expectations about marriage are numerous myths about marriage. ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.

50. Myths about Marriage • Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage. • Affairs are the main cause of divorce. • Men are not biologically made for marriage. • Men and women are from different “planets.” ©2005 McGraw-Hill Ryerson Ltd.