Secrets of Silence: R eflective L istening and Emotional Triggers

1. Secrets of Silence: Reflective Listening and Emotional Triggers IM4Q Annual Statewide Training July 24, 2013

2. Setting the Stage Why this is important

3. CAREGIVER ABUSE STATISICS • Commit ¼ of all crimes against people with disabilities • (Samuel, 1994) • Reported theft – 40% • (Independent Living Center Research, Ulicny, 1991) • Reported physical abuse – 10% • (Independent Living Center Research, Ulicny, 1991) Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

4. DISCLOSING/REPORTING • More than half the crime never reported • Not perceived as credible witnesses • Handled administratively • Lower rates of police follow-up, prosecution and convictions Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

5. More Than Half the Crime are Never Reported, Why? One victim’s response for not telling after being sexual assaulted. “ I don’t tell people…they tell me…all my life people tell me what to do.” Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

6. LANGUAGE VOCABULARY ►Generational ►Cultural

7. SEXUAL LANGUAGE Institute on Disabilities, Temple University Accurate sexual language Appropriate sexual language Appropriate sexual expression Understanding intent and consequences

8. VOCABULARY Institute on Disabilities, Temple University We change our vocabulary depending upon who we are talking to. Parents/guardians often give names to their child’s genitals. Can be confusing because of the many different names/meaning given to one word.

9. GOOD TOUCH/BAD TOUCH? Touch is tangible and reciprocal (concrete). Describing touch is based on speech, vocabulary, experience, culture, and more (abstract). When describing touch both the sender and receiver must be on the same page, understand the intensity and emotion of the touch. Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

10. What are emotional triggers? • Triggers are something that sets off an emotional memory or flashback to an event. • Triggers can take us back to a happy experience, such as: your first boy/girl friend; turning sweet 16 or 21; buying your first car; first day of college; marriage; graduation; winning a sporting event; any special event. • Or, triggers can take us back to a personal trauma. Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

11. Triggers are… • Personal • Different for different people • Varied and diverse • Activated through one or more of our five senses: • Sight • Sound • Touch • Smell • Taste Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

12. Common Trigger senses • Sight and sound are the most common triggers, followed by touch and smell, and then taste. • Sight: • Someone who resembles the person (i.e., hair color, clothing, distinctive characteristic); • Any place or situation where the event occurred (i.e., holiday, family event, social setting); • Objects that are associated with the event (i.e., time of year, piece of furniture, alcohol, car); • Any physical characteristic and/or movement (i.e., verbal command, raised eyebrow, smile/snicker) Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

13. Common Trigger senses • Sounds: • Anything that resembles sounds of the event (i.e., whistling, song on the radio/TV, tone of voice, yelling, cheering); • Anything that might have been in the place or situation (i.e., sirens, foghorns, music, car door closing); • Words (i.e., specific words, words of endearment, cursing, labels); • Anything that sounds like fear or pain (i.e., crying, screaming, whispering, whimpering). Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

14. Common Trigger senses • Smell: • Any smell that resembles the place or situation (i.e., food cooking, other odors; • Any smells that resembles the person (i.e., tobacco, perfume, after shave, alcohol). Touch: • Anything that resembles the things that occurred prior or during the event (i.e., a physical touch, someone standing too close, the way someone approached you) Taste: • Anything that is related to the situation (i.e., certain foods, alcohol, tobacco). Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

15. What is Reflective Listening? • Reflective listening involves listening intently to a speaker then verbally restating in your own words, the feeling and information you heard the speaker say to you. • Reflective listening is also know as: • An empathic ear • Active listening • Verbal pacing • Paraphrasing Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

16. Benefits of Reflective Listening • Can be used in any conversational situation • Creates empathy • Builds positive rapport and a deepening • relationship • 4. Helps the speaker to clarify their own thoughts and feelings Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

17. Reflective Listening Requires • Your desirer to understand and accept how the other person is thinking and feelings; • Belief that the person is worthwhile; • Your need to be free from your own problems; • You to trust the speaker to fins their own solution rather than try and convince them of your own; • Willingness not to judge the person; and • Your desire to explore a problem and help the listener understand the dimensions of the problem, possible choices and their consequences. Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

18. Reflective listening techniques • So you feel… • You’re wondering if… • It sounds like… • Use appropriate silence • Ask for clarification • Use non-verbal empathic echoing of other’s feelings (such as: facial expression, eye contact, body orientation, gestures) Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

19. Any Questions?

20. references • Educ.jmu.edu/smilowme/Listenex.html • www. only-effective-communication-skills.com/refelctive-listening.html • www.ehow.com/how_2314760_use-reflective-listening-techniques.html • Psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/09/03/8-tips-for-improving-your- memory • Psychcentral.com/lib/2008/what-is-a-trigger/ Institute on Disabilities, Temple University

21. Contact Information Institute on Disabilities, Temple University Beverly L. Frantz, PhD Criminal Justice and Sexuality Project Director Institute on Disabilities, Temple University 1755 N 13th Street Student Center, Room 411S Philadelphia, PA 19122 Direct: 215-204-5078 Main/TTY: 215-204-1356 Fax: 215-204-6336 Email: bfrantz@temple.edu http://disabilities.temple.edu