HABIT 5 – SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

1. HABIT 5 – SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

2. Listening lis·ten  (lsn) intr.v. lis·tened, lis·ten·ing, lis·tens 1. To make an effort to hear something: listen to the radio; listening for the bell. 2. To pay attention; heed: "She encouraged me to listen carefully to what country people called mother wit" (Maya Angelou). http://www.thefreedictionary.com/listening

3. Poor Listening Styles Is there a problem with these pictures? What are some other ways we do “poor listening”?

4. 5 Poor Listening Styles • Spacing Out • La La Land • Pretend Listening • “yeah”, “cool”, “ok”. • Selective Listening • The verbal word search • Word Listening • Only using the words – example? • Self-Centered Listening • “Oh, I know exactly how you feel”

5. 5 Poor Listening Styles • Spacing out, pretend listening, selective listening and word listening are all minor, can be fixed easily – pay attention! • Self-Centered learning takes some practice to break • When we do this, we are doing 3 things • Judging • Sarcasm, eye rolling, “suuurreeeee” • Advising • Student “I am failing math”, Teacher “You need to try harder” • Probing • Killed by a million questions!

6. Please Listen When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, Strange as that may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don’t talk or do – just hear me.

7. Genuine Listening • When someone talks, they do it through 3 methods! 7% Words 53% Body Language 40% Tone/ Feelings

8. Genuine Listening • Listen with your eyes, heart and ears I didn’t say you had an attitude problem I didn’t say you had an attitude problem I didn’t say you had an attitude problem

9. Genuine Listening • Stand in their shoes “Green, are you crazy, the water is red,” I say. “Hello! Are you colorblind? That’s as green as green gets.” “It’s Red you idiot!” “Green!” “Red!” Conversations are not competitions, they are collaborations and understanding!

10. Genuine Listening • Practice Mirroring • Repeating back in your own words what the person has said to you. Personalize it, use the word I! • Be careful not to mimic!

11. Put Your Skills in Action! • Below is a script, identify the listening item for each sentence! Sister: “I don’t like our new school at all. Ever since we moved, I’ve felt like the biggest outcast. I wish I could find some new friends” Brother: 1 – You’re not trying hard enough 2 – Sounds great 3 – You are feeling school is kind of tough right now. 4 – Speaking of friends, my friend Bart…. 5 – What you need to do is start meeting new people 6 – Are you having trouble with your grades? 7 – Pass the Cheetos Options (probing, pretend listening, mirroring, selective listening, judging, spacing out,advising )

12. Put Your Skills in Action! • Below is a script, identify the listening item for each sentence! Sister: “I don’t like our new school at all. Ever since we moved, I’ve felt like the biggest outcast. I wish I could find some new friends” Brother: 1 – You’re not trying hard enough (Judging) 2 – Sounds great (Pretend Listening) 3 – You are feeling school is kind of tough right now. (Mirroring) 4 – Speaking of friends, my friend Bart…. (Selective Listening) 5– What you need to do is start meeting new people (Advising) 6 – Are you having trouble with your grades? (Probing) 7 – Pass the Cheetos (Spacing out)