Language Review (2)

Language Review (2) 2003 Spring

Outline • Word choice (diction), Usage, word form, sequence and position. 查英英字典！ • Sentence Construction, Conjunction and Tense  Basic Rules  Variety of S’s • Transitions  Transitional words  Logic • Redundancy & Repetition principle of conciseness +logic • Conjunction and transition to the thesis statement  Logic

Word choice; Format; Usage • 1-1. One research can prove as well that more and more college students go to coffee shops to get along with their friends (Tsai, 158-163). • 1-2. Although coffee is irresistible, health is still one crucial problem for people to concern.

Word choice; Format; Usage • Rose • 1-1. One research proves as well that more and more college students go to coffee shops to get together with their friends (Tsai, 158-163). • 1-2. Although coffee is irresistible, health is still one crucial concern for people to consider.

Word choice; Format; Usage • 1-1 One research proves as well that more and more college students go to coffee shops to socialize with their friends (Tsai 158-163). • 1-2 Although coffee is irresistible, health is still one crucial matter for people to be concerned with.

Usage: adv. Position; parallelism • 2. Because of his fantastic works, people always do not understand what he wants to depict and also see his paintings as surrealism. • A: Rico: Because of his fantastic painting style, people always do not understand what he wants to depict but just see his paintings as surrealism instead.

Usage: adv. Position; parallelism • 2. A: do not always –partial negation; • A2: Because of the fantastic content of his paintings, the viewers tend to view his work as mysterious or surrealistic.

Word choice and usage • 3. Negative advertisement refer to the circulation of personal attack on, unproved criticism or any other negative images of one’s opponents without any reliable proof, including adultery matters, slandering, and so on; on the other hand, if the candidates publicize these images based on the justified comments or give the solution instead of the blind attacks to their opponents, they do not violate the definition of negative political advertisings.

Word choice and usage • 3. Annie: Negative advertisements mean the circulation of personal attack on, unproved criticism or any other negative images of one’s opponents without any reliable proof such as adultery matters, slanders, . . . etc.[I think it is better to divide the whole long sentence into two parts here; and thus the sentence can be not too long to be readable for readers] On the other hand, if the candidates publicize these images based on the valid facts or give the solution instead of the blind attacks to their opponents, they do not set a bad example to the public in spreading the negative political advertisings.

Word choice and usage • 3. A. Negative advertisement means the circulation of personal attack on or unproved criticism of one’s opponents without any reliable proof. A liable target of negative ad is scandal, including sexual one such as adultery or political one such as taking bribery. On the other hand, if the candidates publicize these images with good reasons and evidence or, better, some solutions to the problems, their campaign contains justified criticism but not negative political advertisings.

Wording; S • 4. Moreover, “The Date of Media’s Pureness”(Mei-Ti Huan-Bau Jih 媒體環保日) promoted by the Government Information Office clearly points out three major pursuits: “no lust, no violence, no misinterpretation,” which most TV news programs nowadays are in lack of. • (Faye?)

Wording; S • 4. Pursuit – in pursuit of happiness; leisure pursuits; high-speed pursuits by the police • A2. Moreover, “Media’s Environmental Protection Day”(Mei-Ti Huan-Bau Jih), set up by the Government Information Office, clearly proclaims three major goals: “no pornography, no violence, no misinterpretation,” which, unfortunately, almost none of the TV news programs nowadays pursues.

Word Form + Preposition, Conjunction; Verb Tense • 5. This film, which the story was about how a “socially awkward female secretary uncovers a minor fraud and learns to love herself”（Posner 1）, had made sales to 32 countries after shown in Cannes. • Jamie: This film, whichwas about how a “socially awkward female secretary uncovers a minor fraud and learns to love Herself”(Posner 1), had been sold to 32 countries after shown in Cannes.

Word Form + Preposition, Conjunction; Verb Tense • 5. A. This film, whose the story (which) is about how a “socially awkward female secretary uncovers a minor fraud and learns to love herself”（Posner 1）, made sales to 32 countries after being shown in Cannes.

Tense; Conjunction • 6. In Dances with Wolves, however, when Lt. Dunbar together with the Sioux People found that a group of buffaloes are stabbed by some unknown white men, the Indian ceremony of sacrifice has no longer been consideredcruel. • (Janet?)

Tense; Conjunction • 6. A. In Dances with Wolves, however, when Lt. Dunbar, together with the Sioux People,finds that a group of buffaloes are stabbed by some unknown white men, the Indian ceremony of sacrifice is no longer consideredcruel. • A2. In Dances with Wolves, however, in comparison with white men’s killing buffaloes only for their horns and littering their corpses, the Indian ceremony of sacrifice is notcruel at all.

1. wording; 2. tense; 3. usage • 7. This reminds me that both John Dunbar and Stands with A Fist in Dances with Wolves as well as Hawkeye and Cora Munro in The last of the Mohicansare showing the idea that white men and white women are destined to be together, no matter either one of them is raised by the Indians or lived with the Indians for his or her life. • I think the screenwriters arrange this on purpose to show the miserable outcome of a mixed relationship or say an outbreeding. This is definitely a sort of discrimination to the aborigines who may be considered jinxes that bring bad luck after the two movies. • (Miranda?)

1. wording; 2. tense; 3. usage • 7. A. Both the stories of John Dunbar and Stands with A Fist in Dances with Wolves and Hawkeye and Cora Munro in The Last of the Mohicans suggest that white men and white women are destined to be together, althoughone of them is raised by the Indians and another lives with the Indians for all his life. • The scriptwriters, for me, arrange this on purpose to show the miserable outcome of a mixed-race relationship or outbreeding. This is definitely a sort of discrimination against the aborigines who may be considered jinxes that bring bad luck after the two movies. ?

1. wording; 2. tense; 3. usage • 7. A2 Both the stories of John Dunbar and Stands with A Fist in Dances with Wolves and Hawkeye and Cora Munro in The Last of the Mohicans suggest that white men and white women are destined to be together, althoughone of them is raised by the Indians and another lives with the Indians for all his life. • The two films, therefore, disallow mixed-race relationship or outbreeding, which implies a sort of discrimination against the aborigines, who, however “noble,” cannot marry the whites nor even stay alive.

Transition; usage • 8. Since mid 80’s, Hip Hop has been a powerful tool of self-expression for the black community, because, as a collective power, it is capable of reenergizing itself by remaining “true to the game” (William, 1), which is a concept of authenticity celebrated by Public Enemy’s rap “Don’t Believe The Hype.” At the same time, it’s evolved by accumulated originality.

Transition; usage • 8. April -- Since mid 80’s, Hip Hop has been a powerful tool of self-expression for the black community, because, as a collective power, it is capable of reenergizing itself by remaining “true to the game” (William, 1), which is a concept of authenticity celebrated by Public Enemy’s rap “Don’t Believe The Hype.” On the other hand, it is, at the same time,encouraged by accumulated originality.

Transition; usage • 8. A:Besides being true and thus “authentic,”the tradition of Hip Hop is carried on and energized through the creativity of generations of singers.

Transition: • 9. [previous paragraph: women as cleaners in ads] Furthermore, as for the images of younger women, they are usually presented as talkative, convivial, and keen on shopping. • Jimmy: In addition to cleaners, the images of younger women are usually presented as talkative, convivial, and keen on shopping.

Transition: • 9. A. As for younger women, they are usually presented as talkative, convivial, and keen on shopping. • A2. If older women tend to be the ones to take the roles of cook and household cleaners, younger women are usually presented as talkative, convivial, and keen on shopping.

S – dangling modifier • 10. Being one of the few white kids living in an African-American suburb, everyday for little Eminem was a new chapter of agony for he might be beaten up anytime without anyone supporting him. • (Stacey?)

S – dangling modifier • 10. A. Being one of the few white kids living in an African-American suburb, little Eminem had everyday as a new chapter of agony for he might be beaten up anytime without anyone to support him. • A 2. As one of the few white kids living in an African-American suburb, little Eminem experienced on daily basis the fear and agony of being beaten up anytime and going without support.

participial phrase + S • 11 Chagall apparently was too shy to talk directly to Bella, whom he most wanted; however, he was lucky thatshe liked him also knew his feelings and shyness, so she prepared a beautiful bouquet of flowers handing them to Chagall and obviously forcing him to talk to her. • Sherry?

participial phrase + S • 11 A: Chagall apparently was too shy to talk directly to Bella, whom he most wanted; fortunately, however, she liked him also and knew his feelings and shyness, so she prepared a beautiful bouquet of flowers to hand them to Chagall, obviously forcing him to talk to her.

S • 12. Chagall’s passion toward painting as well as his desire for his first wife, Bella, who is his eternal bride and also gives him great courage of painting; he always likes using a bouquet of flowers, two lovers and roosters to present his love for her, even after she died he still draws candles to prey for her.

S • 12. Sharon Chagall has great passion toward painting and his rememberance of his first wife, Bella, who was his eternal bride and gave him great courage of painting;[..] he still draws candles to pray for her.

S • 12. A: Chagall is as passionate about painting as he is for his first wife, Bella, who is his eternal bride and source of courage to continue painting. He uses three major symbols to convey his love: a bouquet of flowers, two lovers in the air and roosters. Even after she died he still drew candles in his paintings to pray for her.

Redundancy/repetition • 13. Furthermore, “two lovers” is also a symbol to show Chagall’s love for Bella, and most of those lovers in his paintings do not have their feet on the ground because he thinks that lovers’ feet are not on the ground if they really fall in love (“Marc Chagall (1887-1985)”).

Redundancy/repetition • 13. Yusi Furthermore, “two lovers” is also a symbol to show Chagall’s love for Bella, and most of those lovers in his paintings do not have their feet on the ground because that's exactly what he thinks lovers would be like OR exactly his ideas towards lovers (“Marc Chagall (1887-1985)”).

Redundancy/repetition • 13. A: Furthermore, the image of “two lovers” is also symbolic of Chagall’s love for Bella. Most of these lovers in his paintings are up in the air, which, for Chagall, is symbolic of the lovers’ sense of elation when being truly in love (“Marc Chagall (1887-1985)”).

Thesis statement 14. [1. college students’ love of coffee; 2. popularity of coffee chain stores] Consequently, the habit of drinking coffee is not only limited in special groups anymorebut also in more and more young generations, including college students. Due to the prevalent trend which coffee chain stores bring about, and with different combinations of physical, psychological, social and cultural reasons, more and more college students nowadays see drinking coffee as one frequent life choice and pleasure.

Thesis statement 14. James -- Consequently, the habit of drinking coffee is no longer limited in special groups anymore for more and more young generations, including college students, have formed this habit. Responding to the prevalent trend which coffee chain stores bring about, and with different combinations of physical, psychological, social and cultural reasons, more and more college students nowadays see drinking coffee as one frequent life choice and pleasure.

Thesis statement 14. A: 1. Consequently, the habit of drinking coffee does not just belong to some select groups anymore; rather, it is quite popular with more and more young generations, including college students. Under the influence of the prevalent coffee chain stores, and with different combinations of physical, psychological, social and cultural reasons,

Thesis statement 14. A2. move the discussion of coffee chain stores to the body part; [coffee’s popularity with college students.] Why do more and more college students nowadays see drinking coffee and its bitter taste as one frequent life choice and pleasure? In this paper, I will examine both the external factors—the popularity of coffee chain stores and the social and cultural functions drinking coffee serves, and the internal physical and psychological factors. All in all, I argue that while the affordable prices of coffee and its availability allows college students to enjoy it on daily basis, some like it for its flavor and energizing function, and some, for the atmosphere and social functions of coffee shops.

Transitional Words & Phrases • Addition: (only add on ideas) also, besides, furthermore, in addition, moreover, again • Consequence:accordingly, as a result, consequently, hence, otherwise,so then, therefore, thus, thereupon • Source: http://www.iss.stthomas.edu/studyguides/wrtstr6.htm

Transitional Words & Phrases • Summarizing:after all, all in all, all things considered, briefly, by and large, in any case, in any event, in brief, in conclusion, on the whole, in short, in summary, in the final analysis, in the long run, on balance, to sum up, to summarize, finally • Generalizing:as a rule, as usual, for the most part,generally, generally speaking, ordinarily, usually

Transitional Words & Phrases • Restatement:in essence, in other words, namely, that is, that is to say, in short, in brief, to put it differently e.g. We need to get more teachers into the classrooms where they're most needed, namely in high poverty areas. • Contrast and Comparison: • by the same token, likewise, similarly, • conversely, instead, on one hand, on the other hand, on the contrary, rather, yet, but, however, still, nevertheless, in contrast

Transitional Words & Phrases • Sequence: -- at first, first of all, to begin with, in the first place, -- at the same time, meanwhile, simultaneously, while, -- for now, for the time being, -- the next step, in turn, later on, next, then, soon, later, earlier, afterward, -- in conclusion • Diversion:by the way, incidentally

Transitional Words & Phrases • Illustration:for example, for instance, for one thing • Similarity:likewise, similarly • To Repeat: as I have said, as I have noted, as has been noted, as is mentioned above

Language Review (2)