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Power/Managing Conflict. Power/Managing Conflict. Part I: Power in Relationships. Power definitions Power – the ability of an individual within a social relationship to carry out his will even in the face of resistance by others, we get what we want by avoiding giving them what they want.
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Power/Managing Conflict Part I: Power in Relationships
Power definitions Power – the ability of an individual within a social relationship to carry out his will even in the face of resistance by others, we get what we want by avoiding giving them what they want. Types of power: power resources – material goods/education and other non-tangible resources (ie. intelligence, knowledge, etc.) power processes – communication patterns partners use to exert control power outcome – who makes the final decision syncratic decision making – making decisions together autonomic decision making – making decisions in separate spheres separately Part I: Power in Relationships
Reasons People Want Power – self – actualization social expectations (relates to legitimate power) family of origin influences psychological need Part I: Power in Relationships
Sources of Relational Power legal rights cultural norms gender norms economic resources education and knowledge (relates to expert and informational power) theory of primary interest and presumed competence - the person most interested in a involved with a particular choice and is most qualified will be more likely to make that choice Part I: Power in Relationships
Sources of Relational Power (cont.) personality differences communication ability emotional factors Waller’s Principle of Least Interest – those with the greatest love and emotional need have the least power, the least invested have the most power physical stature and strength (relates to coercive power) circumstances Part I: Power in Relationships
Power Processes – the way power is applied orchestration (the power to make impt. decisions) vs. implementation (the power to carry out the decision) Part I: Power in Relationships
Power Tactics that Help or Harm Stephen Covey’s model – -win/lose communication – aggressive -lose/win communication – passive -win/win communication – assertive (the best kind) Power Tactics that Help- discussing, explaining, asking, telling bargaining and negotiation Power Tactics that Help or Harm - persuasion being nice (flattery) Part I: Power in Relationships
Harmful power tactics dependence overprotection deceiving, lying criticizing gas lighting punishing silent treatment blackmail anger cruelty/abuse Consequences of Power Struggles – effects on marital satisfaction - the happiest marriages have egalitarian decision making structures Part I: Power in Relationships
Is conflict healthy for a marriage? See article on conflict Conflict is healthy couples who are closest have the greatest opportunity for marital satisfaction and for conflict how conflict is managed determines how satisfied couples are good resolution makes a couple closer Part II: Managing Conflict
Sources of Conflict personal (intra-psychic) –originate within an individual when inner drives and values pit against each other, struggles with oneself physical (intra-somatic) – inner tensions with a physical origin interpersonal (inter-psychic) – occur in relationships between people situational or environmental – originate within the environment or situation Part II: Managing Conflict
3 Parts of a Conflict content – the specific issues a couple fights about structure – the features of the people and situation involved in the conflict; it defines the problem the couple faces process – the actual behavior/communication tactics the partners use in their efforts to manage the conflict Part II: Managing Conflict
Methods of Managing a Conflict – avoid or discuss? ventilation/catharsis – expressing and draining off negative emotions is not constructive destructive conflicts – attack the ego of the other person rather than the problem, seek to shame or punish, sidetrack, talk in extremes/exaggerate. constructive conflicts – attack the specific problem, stick to the issues, and lead to understanding, compromise, or other acceptable solutions. See handout on constructive conflict tactics. Part II: Managing Conflict