Chapter Nine

1. Chapter Nine Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World

2. Chapter Preview: Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World • How emotions influence thinking and behavior • Factors that contribute to emotional balance • Critical role of emotions in the workplace • Factors that influence emotional development

3. Chapter Preview: Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World • Dealing with anger • Factors that contribute to workplace violence • Common emotional styles • Strategies for achieving emotional control

4. Emotions: An Introduction • Emotions are strong, positive or negative, temporary feelings • Influence thinking and behavior • Basic emotions such as jealousy, fear, love, joy, or grief drive us • Direct us towards some things and away from others • We can gain control over our emotions

5. Figure 9.1 - Behavior Is Influenced by Activating Events

6. Achieving Emotional Balance—A Daily Challenge • Emotional balance has never been more important • Choices dictated by our heads (reason/logic) or hearts (feelings/care) • Leaders that lack emotional balance breed fear, confusion, anger and sadness • Now seeing enormous differences in the expression of emotions such as aggressive driving and misbehaving in public events

7. Emotional Intelligence • IQ is not the only factor that predicts success • Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor and control one’s emotions and behavior at work and in social settings • Emotional intelligence can be learned

8. Personal Competence • Refers to the competencies that determine how we manage ourselves • Competencies in this category include • Recognizing one's emotions and their effects • Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check • Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity

9. Social Competence • Refers to the competencies that determine how we handle relationships • Competencies in this category include • Sensing others' feelings and perspectives • Listening openly and sending convincing messages • Negotiating and resolving disagreements

10. Emotional Expression • Humans carry a large array of emotions over a lifetime • Emotional imbalance can be due to • Learned inhibition of certain emotions and overemphasis on the expression of others • Fixation on a single emotion

11. The Emotional Factor at Work • Emotions play critical role in success of every organization • Traditional management training emphasizes rational, logical process • Need to do business with meeting of minds and meeting of hearts • Compassion key to long-term success

12. Total Person Insight All of our technology is underutilized and will remain so until we put the emotion of doing business onto parity with the logical and rational aspects of performance improvement. James C. Georges Chief Executive Officer, The Par Group

13. Relationship Strategy • Emotional undercurrents are present in almost every area of every organization • Relationship strategy--a plan for establishing, building, and maintaining quality relationships with customers • Front-line employees engage in “emotional labor” • Emotional labor is often more difficult to handle than physical labor

14. Factors That Influence Our Emotions • Achieving greater emotional control starts with • Determining source of emotional difficulties • Studying factors that influence emotional development • Temperament • Unconscious influences • Cultural conditioning

15. Temperament • Refers to a person’s individual style of expressing needs and emotions • Both biologically and genetically based • Personality at any age reflects an interaction between temperament and the environment

16. Total Person Insight An emotion has at least three necessary components: the felt bodily experience, the cognition or thought, and the expressive reaction. Daniel Brown Clinical Professor, Harvard Medical School

17. Unconscious Influences • The unconscious mind is a vast storehouse of forgotten memories, desires, ideas, and frustrations • Can have a powerful influence on behavior • Unconsciousness influences conscious decision-making • Childhood experience can cause emotions out of proportion to a current situation

18. Transactional Analysis (TA) • Unconscious childhood memories can bring out emotions • The brain acts like a two-track stereo tape recorder that records • events • feelings associated with events • Incorporated into many corporate training programs

19. Cultural Conditioning • Culture is what we see and hear so often that we call it reality • Shapes nearly every aspect of behavior and mental processes • Most countries are multicultural • Cultural influences have a dramatic effect on American adults and children

20. Important Roles of Emotions • It is important to remain open to the full range of emotions that influence our thinking and behavior • Emotional undercurrents are present in every aspect of our work • Separating our mental and emotional energies at work is very difficult because they are so intertwined

21. Coping with Your Anger andthe Anger of Others • Anger is defined as the thoughts, feelings, physical reactions, and actions that result from the unacceptable behavior of others • Anger is a response to perceived injustice, which may dissolve with better understanding • Anger in the workplace is on the rise

22. Managing Your Anger • Learning to deal with anger and the anger of others is a sophisticated and mature skill people should learn • Monitor your anger • How often do you get angry each day? • What are the causes of irritation in your life? • How upsetting is each episode of anger? • How well do you manage each episode?

23. Managing Your Anger • Use a diary or journal to determine the impact of anger in your life • Record source of irritation and the feelings that surface • Record the behaviors you display when angry • People who monitor their behavior carefully, see positive results

24. Effective Ways to Express Your Anger • Buddha says “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” • Expressing anger can be therapeutic • Many people are unsure about the best way to self-disclose this emotion • Appropriate expression improves the chances of accurate reception and response

25. Effective Ways to Express Your Anger • Avoid reacting in a manner that could be seen as emotionally unstable • Do not make accusations or attempt to fix blame • Express your feelings in a timely manner • Be specific as you describe the factors that triggered your anger, and be clear about the resolution you are seeking

26. Total Person Insight We can suppress anger or act it out, either way making things worse for ourselves and others. Or we can practice patience: wait, experience the anger and investigate its nature. Pema Chodron Author and Buddhist Teacher

27. How to Handle Other People’s Anger • Dealing with other people’s anger is the most difficult human relations challenge • Recognize and accept the other person’s anger • Encourage the angry person to vent feelings • Do not respond to an angry person with anger • Give the angry person feedback

28. Violence in the Workplace • Ranked as the number one concern by security officials • Reduces productivity • Potential triggers • Loss of job • Conflict between employee and management • Personal tragedy • Abusive behavior by supervisors • Rigid, impersonal work environment

29. Violence in the Workplace • Workplace violence encompasses a wide range of behaviors including • Hostile remarks • Intimidation through stalking • Physical assaults • Threatening phone calls • Homicide

30. Employee Sabotage • Employee misconduct combined with an edge of revenge • Employee sabotage may involve: • Deliberate nonperformance -Arson • Financial fraud -Computer Crimes • Destruction of equipment -Slander • Many employees act out anger rather than discuss it

31. Preventing Workplace Violence • Use hiring procedures that screen out unsuitable persons • Develop a strategy for dealing with incidents before they actually occur • If someone must be fired or laid off, do so in a way that does not demoralize the employee

32. Preventing Workplace Violence • Provide out-placement services for laid-off or terminated employees • Establish a systematic way to deal with disgruntled employees • Provide supervisors and managers with training that will help them prevent workplace violence and deal effectively with it

33. Emotional Styles • Your emotional style started taking shape before you were born and evolved over a period of many years • You are likely to display one of four different emotional styles • Suppressing • Capitulating • Overexpressing • Accommodating

34. Suppressing Your Emotions • People learn to suppress their feelings • Some develop intellectual strategies to avoid dealing directly with emotional reactions • Mental and physical health problems can develop

35. Figure 9.2 - The Sedona Method

36. Capitulating to Your Emotions • People see themselves as helpless victims of feelings that they cannot control • Responsibility for a problem assigned to external causes while the person suffers in silence • Often overly concerned about attitudes and opinions of others

37. Overexpressing Your Emotions • Frequently displays lack of emotional control • Quick way to damage one’s image at work • Write down rather than express emotions • Releases toxic feelings • Prepare to deal constructively with situation

38. Accommodating Your Emotions • Accommodation means that a person is willing to • recognize, accept, and experience emotions • attempt to react in ways appropriate to the situation • Integrates one’s feelings and the thinking process • “Think before you act” point of view

39. Gender Differences in Emotional Style • Women see men as too rational and insensitive • Men see women as too emotional • Differences can be attributed to • Early learning • Conditioning • Expectations of family • Important for each person to respect the other person’s style

40. Strategies for AchievingEmotional Control • We have a certain amount of mental, emotional and physical energy each day • We can learn to discipline the mind to banish thoughts that waste energy

41. Identifying Your Emotional Patterns • Taking time to study emotional patterns helps predict or anticipate an emotional response • Record them in a journal • Set aside quiet time to reflect on your emotional patterns • Make a chart of your emotions throughout the day • Repeat process over several days

42. Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • After identifying emotional patterns you want to change, consider ways to fine-tune your emotional style • Disciplining your mind can help you live a fuller, satisfying life

43. Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • Take responsibility for your emotions • Put your problems into proper perspective • Take steps to move beyond negative emotions such as envy, anger, jealousy and hatred • Give your feelings some exercise

44. Total Person Insight It’s unfortunate that we’re never really taught how to show emotion in ways that help our relationships. Instead, we’re usually told what we should not do. However, too little emotion can make our lives seem empty and boring, while too much emotion, poorly expressed, fills our interpersonal lives with conflict and grief. Within reason, some kind of balance in the expression of emotion seems to be called for. Gerard Egan Author, You and Me

45. Chapter Review • How emotions influence thinking and behavior • We carry emotions that help us cope with our environment • Emotions are feelings that influence our thinking and behavior

46. Chapter Review • Factors that contribute to emotional balance • We need to discover ways to achieve emotional balance • We sometimes lack emotional balance because we suppress some emotions and over express others • Emotional intelligence helps achieve emotional balance

47. Chapter Review • Critical role of emotions in the workplace • Emotions are critical to success of every organization • Emotional undercurrents are present in organizations • Emotional undercurrents influence employee morale, customer loyalty, and productivity

48. Chapter Review • Factors that influence emotional development • Emotional development is influenced by temperament, our unconscious mind, and cultural conditioning • They influence our emotional intelligence

49. Chapter Review • Dealing with anger • Appropriate expressions of anger • Improve interpersonal relationships • Reduce anxiety • Provide an outlet for unhealthy stress • We must also learn how to handle other people’s anger • Dealing with anger, ours and other’s, takes effort

50. Chapter Review • Factors that contribute to workplace violence • Workplace violence encompasses • Homicides • Physical assaults • Hostile remarks • Sabotage • Violence cannot be eliminated, but steps can be taken to curb violent employee behavior in the workplace