Don’t Waste your Mind’s Time: Healthy Thinking vs. Stinking Thinking

1. Don’t Waste your Mind’s Time:Healthy Thinking vs. Stinking Thinking

2. Maladaptive Thought number 1

4. I need to be liked by everyone…Really? • Frederick Douglass: I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence. • George Eliot: It is good to be helpful and kindly, but don't give yourself to be melted into candle grease for the benefit of the tallow trade. • William J. H. Boetcker: That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.

5. It’s ok that some people don’t like you…It really is • Being liked or loved is important, but it is okay to go through periods where you feel you have neither. These times when you feel you are not liked or loved should be used to further develop your own identity.

6. Maladaptive Thought number 2

8. I should not make mistakes…Really? • Only mediocrity can be trusted to be always at its best. ~Max Beerbohm • Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.  ~Harriet Braiker • Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence.  ~Rosalynn Carter

9. Pefectionism leads to anxiety disorders…Stop beating yourself up • We will never do better than our best effort and mistakes are natural. Also, it is very important to accept yourself for who you are and separate this identity from the results of your performances.

10. Maladaptive thought number 3.

12. Other people should behave the way I want them to…Really? • “We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” Paul Coelho

13. Peoples is peoples…you really don’t have all the answers • Other people are always going to do things you do not agree with. Humans are just not perfect yet, including you, and upsetting yourself about someone else will not make that fact change. Practice acceptance of that which you cannot control. Practice influence over that which you can.

14. Maladaptive Thought number 4

16. My life should go exactly as I plan it and have no setbacks…Really? • Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson • Stubborn and ardent clinging to one’s opinion is the best proof of stupidity. ~Michel de Montaigne.

17. Roll with the punches…make lemonade with those lemons • No life ever goes perfectly. The secret is how quickly one can adapt to the changes life presents.

18. Maladaptive Thought number 5

20. I have no control over how I feel and I am a victim of negative life events…Really? • Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying circumstances that come from a feeling of helplessness. ~ Susan Jeffers    • Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be make a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.  ~ Harvey S. Firestone 

21. Don’t ever, ever, ever give up…persistence works • Actually life events don’t cause feelings, our thoughts about those life events do. Control how you think about life events and you will control your feelings. Do yourself a favor and be an optimist! The world needs positive energy to move in the right direction. “Cynicism is what passes for insight amongst the mediocre.”—Joe Klein

22. Maladaptive Thought number 6

24. If I don’t spend time worrying about things bad stuff will start happening to me…Really? Nothing in the affair of men is worthy of great anxiety. ~ Plato We live in the midst of alarms; anxiety beclouds the future; we expect some new disaster with each newspaper we read. ~Abraham Lincoln

25. Worry when the bad thing happens, not before…you can bet on yourself to get by. • Worrying about things will not stop life from happening. It will make life disturbing right now. Remember that speculating about a future negative occurrence is much more anxiety provoking than the anxiety that comes from going through the actual event that you fear.

26. Maladaptive Thought number 7

28. Happiness is achieved by not taking life seriously…Really? • Delay is the deadliest form of denial. ~C. Northcote Parkinson • Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear. ~Cheri Huber

29. You can’t run from it forever…face the fear • Avoiding makes life easier in the short term, but avoiding becomes a full time job after awhile and actually becomes much more time-consuming than dealing with life issues as they arise.

30. Maladaptive Thought number 8

32. I have to rely on someone stronger than myself; I’m not strong enough to do life alone…Really? •     Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge.  ~unknown

33. Trust yourself and then you will pick the right people to trust…give yourself some credit • It is okay to seek help as long as you have learned to trust yourself as well. Being psychologically dependent on others to make decisions for you leaves you vulnerable to exploitation.

34. Maladaptive Thought number 9

36. My life stinks because of what has happened to me in the past and I can’t do a thing about it. • You have nobody to blame but yourself if you stumble more than one over the same stump. ~Proverb quotes   

37. Learn from your past – don’t perpetuate it. • It is not the past that makes your life stink. It is your current beliefs about the past that make you feel hopeless. We can always choose to analyze our past, learn from it, and make today work better for us. (Counseling helps with this!)

38. Maladaptive Though number 10

40. I should not feel discomfort or pain. I should not have to go through hard times…Really? • Albert Camus: In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. • Helen Keller: Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

41. When you survive through a time of suffering- you have learned Awesomeness skills…where did you think it came from? • People who avoid suffering or pain through various addictive or avoidant behaviors stop their own emotional development. We learn new strategies for life by suffering through bad times. Parents who protect their children from suffering through the pains of life produce adults who have the emotional intelligence of children.