Warm Alpha

1. Warm Alpha Same Night Lay talk

2. QBall - My Story • 19 – first kiss first sex • No sex till 22 • Backpacking • Deep connection -> sex • Community • Oracle & Odin • Teaching experience • Open heart • Warm Alpha

3. SNLs – issues I had Personal issues • Impossible to me • Dancing monkey – fun, not sexual • No kino escalation • Not knowing when or how to pull • Logistics – or limiting beliefs • Always deep rapport, LT prospects Community based issues • Too many community ideas, forgot what I stand for • Needy for sex and conveying it

4. My flavor of talk • I don’t claim to have the best ‘hit rates’! • I am very good though  • This talk outlines what works for me. • My point of view - self development while avoiding / minimizing touch with the dangerous sides of game. • I’m between the scientific and inner models. • Try it. If it helps – use it, if not – drop it.

5. Warm Alpha Theory • Alpha/Beta scale – strength (of character) • Warm/Cold scale – kindness • Important to develop both sides of your personality. • BUT they are hard to balance.

6. Warm Alpha Theory How does this fit with today’s talk? • Both areas are important to SNLs. Which one is more? • Alpha = leading, honesty, congruent, strong identity, passion, sexual charisma, fucking • Warm = compassion, leaving her better off, understanding her feelings, safety, non-judgmental, love making • Being Alpha makes her come home with you. Being Warm makes her want to see you again. • At “Warm Alpha” we show you how to be a Warm Alpha 

7. Today’s talk • Limiting Beliefs • Appearance • Escalation • emotional • physical • Comfort • Identity • Logistics • Extraction • Seduction • Fucking vs lovemaking • Post sex connection Much thanks to Oracle and Odin!

8. Limiting beliefs • If you see yourself in one of these – you have work and are holding yourself back. • Try to get an experience which PROVES this belief is wrong. • “Girls don’t want sex” -> it’s about sharing • “She’s not that kind of girl” -> Girls have different sides to their personality • “I may lose / offend her” -> Yes. Still, be honest. It’s OK, you never had her  • “I’m not the type of guy who…” -> You weren’t a driver before you started driving either. Try a different behavior • I would get stuck / nervous / embarassed -> Yes. Take small steps – eventually you’d get comfortable

9. Limiting beliefs – cont’d Community backed limiting beliefs: • 7 hours rule -> Connection before sex • Flashy game -> Doesn’t necessarily lead to anything. 50-50 for me. • I have to prove something to my wings, write about this on the lair, try this guru’s advice etc -> • NO ONE cares about your game! but you. • Relax, you can fuck up as much as you want. What matters is that you try your hardest to push where your edge is on a given day!  • SNLs are impressive / dramatic / super quick -> Some are. Some aren’t.

10. Appearance • Looks matter. Period. • Your look conveys your identity. • Bad look – low social standing, weird. • Once you have worked out your sense of style, you can play around a bit.

11. Peacocking • You get a lot more attention • If congruent, conveys confidence • If not – conveys a lot of bad things • No more than 1-2 items • Examples: • Hat • Chain • Jacket • Ring • Other (fascinator, apple)

12. What’s a good look for me? • Research – fashion magazines • Fashion mission: • Go out with notebook • Ask guys where they got it • Ask girls what they think of that style • Does it work for me? • Ask for an opinion! • “What’s the first impression I give?” • “What’s your intuition about me?” • Advanced – match your fashion to your identity. You have to know what you stand for first.

13. What to do – initial ideas • Hair – good style (can use cheap hairdresser) • Skin – clear it, grungy style • Smile / teeth – Whiten them. Be kissable. • Breath – mints • Scent • Body hair – trim • Skin - bronzer

14. Escalation • Definition: taking an interaction to a new level • Achieved by compliance to the leading party in the interaction. • Escalation is rationalized into more attraction/connection – • e.g. “it’s ok to follow him” • “I’m really attracted to him”

15. Escalation – cont’d So as a model: • Attraction • Compliance • Escalation • Rationalization Thanks Oracle!

16. Escalation – cont’d • Conclusions from the model • Always get more compliance, always escalate • Rationalization is the key to more attraction - she has to choose to do it for no other reason. Thanks Oracle!

17. Escalation – cont’d • In direct game: • Showing increasing levels of intent through various channels (verbal and non verbal) • Directing her to same levels • Adjusting through her responses – or LEAVING.

18. Escalation – cont’d • Two types of sexual escalation – physical and emotional. • Physical • Taking your lead • Kino escalation • Emotional • Verbalizing sexuality • Sexual state • Rapport – maybe not tonight

19. Escalation – cont’d • The rate of asking for new compliance requests (=rate of escalation) should be constant. • This pace reflects on the leader – YOU! • Slow – hesitant, waiting for approval, boring • Average – possible long-term material • Fast – strong, demanding, used to getting their way • Super fast (usually just physical) – sexy toy, use if in the right mood  • It takes time to master a different pace. • It take even more time to have flexibility to know which rate to go by.

20. Focus while escalating • Science vs inner – what you see isn’t all that’s going on. • Focus is extremely important to congruency – the real self always comes through. • The science focus will keep you in your head: “MUST ESCALATE”… • The focus for physical escalation: “I want her to join me tonight, feel her closer” • The focus for emotional escalation: curiosity. What is she all about? Will we get along?

21. Physical escalation - kino • Super important – practice! • Brushing is important – but you want her to rationalize attraction. • The most meaningful kino is reciprocal – where she can choose whether or not to touch (or be touched). • Hand holding while talking • Sideways waist hold (claw?) • Front hold • Neck hold / face hold / hair brushing • Kissing • Always finish first – feel her. • Doesn’t have to be long, but longer is better.

22. Physical escalation – kino cont’d • Accidentally sexual kino – • Breast brush • Inner thigh • Other erogenous areas • Testing for kino compliance will tell you a lot. • No kino compliance – back off, try again later.

23. Physical escalation - leading • Examples: walking with you, being isolated with you, holding something for you etc. • Getting her used to trusting and following you. • Leading is rationalized into a lot of attraction. • Implicit (e.g. start moving), explicit (“let’s go there”). • Negative leading compliance is a very bad sign – Eject.

24. Implicit Being with you, not her friends Following you Explicit “I want to show you something, let’s go there” “Let’s sit down” “Let’s go to smoking corner” “Let’s get out of here”  Leading - examples

25. Emotional escalation - verbal • Reminder – escalation means showing more intent and feeling her reaction. • Verbal escalation – not always, but useful • When can’t kino escalate / lead • As a less ballsy yet still effective solution • If a girl brings up sex, or sexual things (innuendo), be comfortable.

26. Emotional escalation - verbal • Direct frames • Playful – it’s fun, and if she doesn’t like it – you were just joking • Honest – intense and straight to the point, more risky • I lean more toward playful, depending on my mood

27. Emotional escalation - verbal • Verbal escalation on the sexual scale – makes her think more and more of you in a sexual way through conversation. • Some steps: • Sex in general -> you’re a sexual person • Her and sex -> lots of juicy stuff here. • Both of you being sensual/sexual (together) -> that’s where you close the deal. • Sexual histories –> only if both are telling.

28. Emotional escalation - verbal • If unsuccessful (bad reply / no reply) – jokingly take back, relax, go back to it later. • If you were being honest (rather than playful), go into small talk / rapport.

29. Emotional escalation – sexual state • Works through state transference • Very effective with verbal escalation • Innuendo increases tension • Directness tests for her response, more likely to be positive

30. Emotional escalation – sexual tension How to do it? • Complete presence • Strong eye contact, blurry eyes • Slow sensual speak (think: stoner) • Smile, sometimes cheeky • Positive / sexual thoughts about her • Some girls will feel uncomfortable for too long – use in on / off intervals.

31. Emotional escalation - Rapport • Sometime rapport isn’t necessary. Different girls have different needs – same girl may have different needs! • You don’t want too much rapport – i.e. avoid extreme stories. They connect but slow everything down = long term prospect. • Good levels of rapport for SNL are: • identity -> conveys solidity and strength of character • sexual rapport • Deep connection can come after sex.

32. Emotional escalation - Identity • Your identity describes your best self and how you want to be. • It is best described by a list of values. Mine: discipline, truth, courage, love, beauty. • It’s easy conversation transition. • They start looking and seeing those qualities in you. • You have endless conversation material on it. • A lot of intrigue. • Congruency / shit tests become easy. • You can be honest.

33. Emotional escalation - Passion • When you talk with passion, a woman can ‘feel you’. She feels she knows you better and trusts you. • Source of many emotions (for you) - It makes you sexy, good lover. • It makes you less needy – you have something else ‘going for you’. • If you find your work passionate – great. Otherwise, find something you are passionate about, and talk about it. • DOESN’T MATTER WHAT!

34. Identity and Passion • Only problem – figure out who you are!!!! • Out of the scope of this talk – approach me if questions.

35. Sexual rapport • Basically you want to make a girl feel safe to act in sexually liberal with you. Convey the following and you have a higher chance. • Non-judgmental: • ASD killer • Very liberal sexual views • Comfortable bringing up sex • Honesty: • You’re not using her! • This is who you are, take it or leave it. • Creates trust.

36. Sexual rapport – 5 Qs game • One of the only routines I use, and enjoy. • Rules: • 5 questions • You ask one, she asks one • You can’t ask what she asked • It has to be interesting! • By the end of it, she should feel comfortable to have told you lots of sexual things about herself. • If she has nothing to ask or isn’t having fun – cut it short. • If you’re being sexual and she’s not – space out the sexy…

37. Extraction • Biggest compliance request… • Is she ready? • Has she been completely following your lead (last 20 minutes)? • Could you DEFINITELY kiss her? (or did you?) • Is she feeling safe alone with you? • Are her / your logistics working out? • Would anything else with her be exciting now?

38. Extraction – the honest approach • Give her the explicit choice to come. • Keys are – don’t give other reasons for her to come, but don’t mention sex: • Examples • “I’m going home, and I’d like you to join me” • “I’m tired and heading home. Want to join?” • If she comes, she knows what’s up… usually happy for sex. • The Laying out all the cards approach: “If you stay with your friends that’s fine… but if you come with me…” • You can be playful (mangoes) or honest (direct and sexual) • Being upfront is sexy and confident. • If she cannot - for legit reasons – get her number.

39. Advanced extraction • If you know she’s interested, consider just taking her back to yours with a cover up reason (“come see my rock collection”). It just shows social intelligence… • You can seed these ideas earlier on • “I’ve got a cool video to show you” • “You have to see the view from my place” • “Let’s go and have a glass of wine at mine” (good for closing time) • WARNING: You’re setting yourself up for failure if you haven’t sub-communicated the right things. • If she has different expectations than you do = LMR

40. Advanced extraction • Bouncing somewhere else with her increases the chances of extraction – be it another nightclub or 7-11 for food. • Taking a girl out of the club, bouncing are both big compliance requests, extensions of leading.

41. Logistics - hers • Important to figure them out when you talk to her! • Do you have work tomorrow? • Who are you here with? • Are you driving? • After she agrees to your explicit request, let HER figure it out with the friends. • It’s a good idea to talk to friends to show you’re just a regular cool dude. No need to impress or anything. • It’s out of your hands now, if she stays with friend respect that. • You can give her a time limit.

42. Logistics - yours • Biggest bottleneck after escalation • Some of it is just limiting beliefs • Some ideas though: • Get a place with privacy • If possible, get a place within walking distance • Get a double bed and tidy it • Have some interesting stuff in your place • Have wine (if you drink) • Have sexual necessities (condoms etc)

43. Logistics – cont’d • Creative logistics: • Mt. Coot-tha • Her place • Alleyways • Bathrooms • ?

44. Seduction • Take her clothes off first • Let her do some work herself – “your turn now” • Escalate quickly, or it may not happen (constant pace of escalation) • Dry fucking • Dominance (hair, biting, arms) - advanced • LMR unlikely in the scenario of a direct extraction • Either case, if you get it: • Going to sleep and trying the next morning • If you can’t sleep = she has to go

45. Sex • Extremely important to be good in bed, if you want to see her again! • Fucking and love making. • Usually in SNL, she’s looking to be fucked. Give it to her – go faster and go harder!

46. Sex – cont’d • Make them come – even if you come first. • Make sure you come – you’re not there to service them, it’s something you share. • More than once a night! • Make love to them – later on. • Introduce dirty talk – advanced.

47. Post sex connection • Affective shift hypothesis (Haselton and Buss, 2001): “males tend to engage in a hasty post-copulatory departure and demonstrate an emotional shift after sexual intercourse to reduce the likelihood of bonding and investment in short-term mating partners” • In practical terms, guys have an overwhelming tendency to find their partners less attractive after an orgasm! Women have the opposite tendency. • Women with casual sex experience, probably experienced guys turn aloof after previous same night sex experiences. • Women who have experienced this try to get men to invest more before sex, hence the dating frame (“One night stands make me feel empty.”)

48. Post sex connection • Post sarging (Oracle) – connect after sex, showing long term partner qualities. • Use the time after sex to increase intimacy, much as you would in an intimate relationship. • The period immediately after sex and the dynamics in it will be a big factor in her decision whether to see you again. • This is another reason why it’s important to go to yours!

49. Immediately after sex • Some tension always in the air: “what do we talk about now? Is it going to be weird?” • Break the tension… (Odin’s Hi Five) • Cuddle! • Quiet time if intense • Look in her eyes, without saying anything • Tell her she’s beautiful

50. Post sex connection - talk • Verbal intimacy • What made her attracted to you. • When was the last time you (and her) had sex. • Ask her what her secret spot is (“you’ll have to find out yourself!”), tell her yours. • Tell her stuff you noticed about her but held back up to that point. • Talk about sex - what she likes and dislikes, last time she had sex. • Make her a cute nickname. • Tell her personal stuff about your past – hurtful things too. Share your vulnerabilities, and ask her questions too. Tell her you want to know! • If she brings up one night stands, talk to her about multi-night stands 