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Responsible Fatherhood: What’s Mom Got To Do With It? ________________________________________________. Improving the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children with involved, responsible, and committed fathers in their lives. Overview.
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Responsible Fatherhood: What’s Mom Got To Do With It? ________________________________________________ Improving the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children with involved, responsible, and committed fathers in their lives.
Overview • Why are moms so critical to responsible fatherhood programs? • What we heard from the field • Barriers dads face with moms • Maternal gatekeeping • Awareness issues (internal and external) • Communication issues • NFI resources for moms
Why Are Moms So Critical? • Father joins a fatherhood group
Why Are Moms So Critical? • Father understands his irreplaceable role
Why Are Moms So Critical? • Father builds fathering skills
Why Are Moms So Critical? • Father tries to reconnect with his child
Why Are Moms So Critical? • Father runs into barriers with mom
Barriers Dads Face With Moms • Maternal Gatekeeping (Definition) • Refers to a mother’s protective beliefs about the desirability of a father’s involvement in their child’s life, and the behaviors acted upon that either facilitate or hinder collaborative childrearing between the parents.
Barriers Dads Face With Moms • Maternal Gatekeeping (Behavioral Aspects) • How the mother speaks about the father in the presence of their child and others • To what extent the father is included or updated on the child’s health, schooling or social life • The extent to which the mother communicates to the father that she knows what is best for their child and the correct way to do things—while he does not.
Barriers Dads Face With Moms • Maternal Gatekeeping (Reasons) • Difficulty relinquishing familial responsibility • Validation of her identity as the “mother” • Age of the child • View the father as incompetent or even dangerous to the child • Based on actual evidence; or • On personal perceptions of him and his failures in the male familial role
Barriers Dads Face With Moms • Maternal Gatekeeping (Affects) • The ability of the child to adjust to parental divorce or separation is weakened • Can damage the father-child relationship • Can damage the parents’ ability to cooperate and keep their conflict levels low and out of the child’s earshot or awareness • Threat to the overall well-being and adjustment of the child
Barriers Dads Face With Moms • Awareness Issues • What impact does her upbringing have on her relationship with the father(s) of her children and men in general? • Does she understand the importance of the father’s involvement in the lives of their children?
Barriers Dads Face With Moms • Communication Issues • Poor patterns of communication • Timing of communication • Lack of communication tools • Poor listening skills
Understanding Dad™ • Group-based program • 8, 1-2 hour sessions • Helps moms focus on the goal of accomplishing communication and awareness objectives that are vital to improving the relationships between them and the father(s) of their children
Understanding Dad™ • Increase mothers’ knowledge, positive attitudes, and skills associated with improving their relationships with the fathers of their children • Increase mothers’ awareness of the impact that their upbringing (e.g. their relationships with their own fathers) has had on their relationships with the fathers of their children and men in general • Increase mothers’ understanding of the importance of fathers’ involvement in the lives of their children • Increase positive interactions between mothers and the fathers of their children
Mom As Gateway™ • 3-session workshop • Increase mothers’ awareness of what gatekeeping is, how it operates, and how it is sometimes misused out of anger and hurt • Offer concrete examples that will facilitate mothers’ understanding of the negative impact of excessive gatekeeping and the importance of supporting father involvement • Engage mothers in exercises that will facilitate the reduction of restrictive maternal gatekeeping behaviors that inhibit father engagement.
Tip Cards & Brochures For Moms • Pocketbook for Moms • Co-Parenting • Communication • New moms • For Baby’s Health tip cards
Responsible Fatherhood: What’s Mom Got To Do With It? ________________________________________________ Erik Vecere Vice President, Program Support 240-912-1278 evecere@fatherhood.org