REvision

1. REvision DS 014 Writing Weston

2. Today’s Agenda • Sign-In • Oops! • What is Revising? • Unity • Coherence • Transition • Organization • Language • Specifics • Conciseness • Reader Assessment of Paragraphs • Proofreading Checklist • Peer Assignment • Coming Up…

3. Oops!—more bad opening lines • "Somewhere in this cemetery, the vampyre lies hidden," the grave-looking man with the stake said cryptically. • "" gasped the mime as I emptied the clip of .38 shells into his black-clad chest. • Alas, Abigail adored Andy, and all Andy's ardor and anticipation adhered achingly atop alternately aloof and alluring Alicia--although acrimonious Anton attracted Alicia's amour. • - From "Love Letters"--a romantic novel in twenty-six volumes

4. What is Revising? • Revising is the act of reevaluating, reconsidering and reworking a piece of writing. • In essence, it is “re-vision”—looking at the writing again (preferably with a fresh set of eyes). • Three stages— • Reassessing—identifying what needs work. • Redrafting—generating new material to fix the problem areas. • Editing— “streamlining” and proofreading for errors.

5. Evaluating Unity • For a piece of writing to be unified, everything in it should be related back to the topic sentence or main idea.

6. Unity Exercise • Adapted from The Names: A Memoir, by N. Scott Momaday. Later in the dusky streets I walked among the Navajo camps, past the doorways of the town, from which came the good smells of cooking, the festive sounds of music, laughter, and talk. The campfires rippled in the crisp wind that arose with evening and set a soft yellow glow on the ground, low on the adobe walls. A natural building material used for several thousand years, adobe is composed of sand and straw, which is shaped into bricks on wooden frames and dried in the sun. Mutton sizzled and smoked above the fires; fat dripped into the flames; there were great black pots of strong coffee and buckets full of fried bread; dogs crouched on the rim of the light, the many circles of light; and old men sat hunched in their blankets on the ground, in the cold shadows, smoking. . . . Long into the night the fires cast a glare over the town, and I could hear the singing, until it seemed that one by one the voices fell away, and one remained, and then there was none. On the very edge of sleep I heard coyotes in the hills.

7. Evaluating Coherence • If your writing has coherence, that means it is easily understood by the reader. • Coherence is built through— • Having enough support and details. • Sufficient transitions (see pg. 39 in Paragraphs for words that could be used to build transitions). • Logical organization. • Chronological/Linear • Spatial • Emphatic

8. Evaluating Language • Word choice can have a great impact on the quality of writing. • “Fogged up window” analogy (p. 45) • Wording needs to be specific and concise. • Specifics— • Are precise and helps your reader “see” what you want them to. • Instead of “dog,” use “cocker spaniel” • Instead of “car,” use “red convertible Mazda Miata” • Conciseness— • Is brief and to the point. • Instead of “due to the fact that,” use “because” • Instead of “come to the realization that”, use “realize” • More on pg. 46 of your text.

9. Reader Assessment Checklist • Does the reader understand the point? • Do I stick with one point all the way through? • Are my ideas and examples connected and easy to follow? • Are the words I’ve used specific and concise? • What changes should I make?

10. Proofreading Checklist • Have I eliminated all sentence fragments? • Have I eliminated all comma splices? • Have I eliminated all run-on sentences? • Is the spelling correct throughout? • Is the verb tense correct throughout? • Do all subjects agree with their verbs? • Do all pronouns agree with their antecedents?

11. Peer Assignment • Grab a buddy (or more than one). • Swap descriptive drafts. • Read through drafts. • Using the Reader Assessment Checklist and the Rubric I’ve handed out, give feedback on what you’ve read, suggesting ways to improve.

12. Coming Up… • Monday • Descriptive Paragraph Due • Process Analysis • Chapter 8 in Paragraphs

13. Have a great weekend!