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Ask Attend Act Amend

Time-In: When Time Out Doesn’t Work By Jean Illsley Clarke edited for presentation by Meg Buonforte. Ask Attend Act Amend. Why Not Time - Out?. When time - out is viewed as punishment: Child may use the time to fuel blame, and anger at the parent

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Ask Attend Act Amend

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  1. Time-In: When Time Out Doesn’t WorkBy Jean Illsley Clarke edited for presentation by Meg Buonforte AskAttend ActAmend

  2. Why Not Time - Out? • When time - out is viewed as punishment: • Child may use the time to fuel blame, and anger at the parent • Child may use the time to figure out ways to get even with the parent or someone else

  3. Why Not Time - Out? • When time - out is viewed as punishment: • Child may be encouraged to disconnect • Child may decide that he has to obey parent to avoid punishment and refuse to obey when the threat of time-out is gone

  4. How is Time-In Different?

  5. Time –In • Time-in is not a single discipline tool It has 4 ways to solve the puzzle of discipline: AttendAct AmendAsk

  6. Benefits of the 4 Tools: • Child sees him/herself as responsible and successful • Child understands that rules are for her welfare and the welfare of the family • Child feels that he is a contributing member of the family

  7. Ask • Ask questions a child can answer Keep it simple • Ask questions that don’t end in okay • Ask questions you don’t know the answer to • Ask teaching questions what would happen if…

  8. Act • Your actions should challenge your child to think and respond • Act to reinforcea rule or an expected behavior • Act to get a child’s attention when other methods of discipline have not worked • Act to redirect activity or to interrupt misbehavior

  9. Attend • Attending means you are aware of what is going on in the child’s world • Attend to the hurt child first • Attend to the rules that are constantly broken • Attend to a child’s needs and developmental level

  10. Amend • Amends are not about pain but it is okay if your child experiences discomfort. • Making amends can help your child get past shame • Amends should help the child become a better person • Amends should be related to the problem

  11. Amends • Amends should be satisfactory to the victim • Amends should be reasonable and not produce resentment on parent’s part • Amends should support family values • Amender must put forth effort

  12. What Else Can a Parent Do? • First: refocus on your own values • Think about what you really want for your child • Ask yourself “Is this what my discipline is teaching?”

  13. What Else Can a Parent Do? • Second: check yourself to see if you are giving conflicting messages • Conflicting messages create double binds • Never smile when a child misbehaves

  14. What Else Can a Parent Do? • Third: Remember you are an important influence on your child’s life -Volunteer at your child’s school -Become a cub scout/girl scout leader • Stand up to negative influences -Write a letter to a television station -Write your congressman

  15. What Else Can a Parent Do? • Fourth: ATTEND to yourself as well as your child • Take a deep breath and summon the courage to parent well • Get regular exercise and eat right • Lower the noise level in your home • Turn off the T.V. • Get a babysitter and take time-out

  16. ALWAYS REMEMBER • Parents are responsible for the discipline process. • Children are responsible for the outcome.

  17. Stay connected with your child And remember YOU are your child’s best gift. Celebrate that!

  18. Stay connected to your child and remember- you are your child’s best gift.Celebrate that! For more parenting information contact the Parents as Teachers Program near you or call800-839-7444

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