Never Let Me Go Essay Revisions

1. Never Let Me Go Essay Revisions Day 1 Note: Book titles are always italicized

2. Goal • Now that you have a rough draft, you can focus on making it the best draft possible. • First you will revise your paper on your own, and Monday you will have peer editing, which will give you additional feedback on your writing. • Remember: your final draft is due Tuesday, October 30 at 7:05 AM! No exceptions!

3. Writing

4. In order to meet expectations you need to… • Follow grammar rules • Do you capitalize proper nouns (names)? • Do you put commas after introductory clauses? • Write clearly • Do you follow subject/verb agreement? • Is there clear pronoun references? • Are your sentences easy to follow/understand? • Follow basic structure rules • Do you have topic sentences that include the device, theme, and the central focus of that paragraph? • Do you ICE (Introduce, Cite, Explain) your quotes? • Do you use blended sentences when citing evidence? • Do you use proper internal citations? (Ishiguro #). → note no commas!

5. Writing: Grammar • Capitalization: Go through your essay; are these things capitalized? • Names: of characters (Ruth, Tommy, Kathy, etc.) and of places (Hailsham, Norfolk, the Cottages, etc.) • Note: If the author capitalizes it in the story, you need to capitalize it in your writing. • Use commas • Introductory clauses: Remember grammar notes • Combining sentences: before FANBOYS • Use colons/semicolons correctly

6. More on Introductory Clauses

7. More on FANBOYS

8. Writing: Write clearly • Do you follow subject/verb agreement? • See the photo to the side for a guide • Are there clear pronoun references? • When discussing both Kathy and Ruth, is who she is clear? • Are your sentences easy to follow/understand? • Are you missing any articles (the, a/an, etc.) or words? • Is it clear what you’re trying to say? Read your sentences out loud to check

9. Writing: Basic structure rules • Do you have topic sentences that include the device, theme, and the central focus of that paragraph? • What is the focus of your paragraph? The Norfolk trip? Ruth’s behavior as a friend? Set this up for your reader • Do you ICE (Introduce, Cite, Explain) your quotes? • Do you use blended sentences when citing evidence? • Do you use proper internal citations? (Ishiguro #). • → note no commas!

10. Writing: Avoid 1st/2nd person pronouns • Formal writing is strongest when it avoids 1st person (we, us, etc.) and 2nd person (you, your, etc.) pronouns. • Go through your essay and remove references to these pronouns, and replace them with third person pronouns • Ex: “when you feel emotions” → “when a person feels emotions” • Ex: “we struggle to understand” → “individuals struggle to understand” • Life hack → use “CTRL + F” to seek and find every “you” in your essay (just make sure you don’t replace it if it’s in cited evidence)

11. Replacing 1st and 2nd Person Pronouns • Possible replacement words for 1st and 2nd person pronouns: • citizens • individuals • many • children • students • families • few • community • people • one • men • nation • society • some • women • population • public • humans • humanity • several

12. To meet expectations • To meet expectations, make sure you have made the previous revisions. • STAR revisions will help you to exceed expectations

13. Analysis

14. In order to meet expectations you need to… • Do you identify and analyze the device from your claim? • Highlight your device analysis in yellow • Underline when you use the device by name • Do you connect the use of this device to your theme? • Highlight your theme analysis in green

15. Analyzing the device • Do you use the device by name? • Ex: [Character] is characterized as [insert specific trait] • Do you clearly connect the device to your evidence? • Reference the specific detail in your evidence directly for the strongest analysis • Remember: Avoid this shows that! • What is this? Specify! • Ex: Ruth’s actions, Kathy’s understanding, etc.

16. Struggling to analyze device? • For characterization: • [Character] is characterized as ___[character trait] _____ because he/she does/says _____________________________________. • Example: Amanda is characterized as an overbearing mother because she repeatedly criticizes Tom for no reason. • For conflict: • [The specific problem] is a conflict because ____________________. • Amanda and Tom’s constant fighting is a conflict because it leads to tension and a negative atmosphere in their home and family. • [Character] must overcome ___[problem]____ by doing ____ in order to _______. • Laura must overcome her crippling shyness by talking with Jim in order to grow as an individual and assert herself.

17. Analyzing the theme • Do you specifically connect your identified device to the theme? • Do you explain why this is important? • Remember, specifics are important!

18. Remember! • Analysis is the most important part of your essay! • If you do not identify your device by name OR specifically explain your theme, you cannot meet expectations • In other words, if you don’t do these things, the highest you can score on analysis is 6/10

19. Reading

20. In order to meet expectations you need to… • Do you have accurate context? • Reread the pages around your evidence; are you accurately relating everything? • Are you specific? If you have vague context, you will only meet (7/10) expectations. • Ex: Ruth and Kathy fight about stuff → Kathy confronts Ruth about the pencil case, and Ruth begins to cry.

21. If you want to exceed • Monday we will peer edit (so you can receive feedback on your writing) and will have opportunities to further revise: • Use more complex sentences • Use stronger word choices • Elaborate further