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Chapter 5

Chapter 5. Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation. Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation Chapter Outline. Singlehood Functions, History, and Changes in “ Dating ” Singlehood and HIV Infection Risk Finding a Partner Cohabitation

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Chapter 5

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  1. Chapter 5 Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Cohabitation

  2. Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and CohabitationChapter Outline • Singlehood • Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating” • Singlehood and HIV Infection Risk • Finding a Partner • Cohabitation • Living Apart Together • The Future of Singlehood, Long-Term Relationships, and Cohabitation

  3. Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and CohabitationIntroduction • Quote: “The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.” • Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave • Discussion: By age 75, only 3.9% of American women and 3.8% of American men have never married. Between the ages of 25 and 29, 61.1% of males and 46.3% of females are not married. • Why is marriage so important? Do we need marriage?

  4. Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and CohabitationIntroduction • Food for thought… • Persons who live together and then marry are less likely to get divorced than those who don’t live together before marriage. True or False?

  5. Chapter 5: Singlehood, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and CohabitationIntroduction • FALSE • Researchers refer to the cohabitation effect as the tendency for couples who cohabit to end up in less happy and shorter-lived marriages (more likely to divorce). • Cohabitants are more likely not only to divorce but to report more disagreements, more violence, lower levels of happiness, and lower levels of ability to negotiate conflict.

  6. Singlehood • Singlehood is most often associated with young unmarried individuals. • Individuals Are Delaying Marriage Longer: • The proportion of households consisting of one person living alone increased from 30.1% to 31.1% in two years • This is due, in part, to the fact that Americans are staying single longer.

  7. SinglehoodCategories of Singlehood • Never-Married Singles • It is rare for people to remain unmarried their entire life. Why? • Divorced Singles • The divorced are also regarded as single. • It is difficult for many divorced individuals to transition back to singlehood. • Widowed Singles • These individuals are forced into singlehood. How might this be difficult?

  8. SinglehoodReasons to Remain Single

  9. SinglehoodReasons to Remain Single

  10. SinglehoodThe Alternatives to Marriage Project • Mission Statement: • To advocate “for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who are single, choose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage.”

  11. SinglehoodLegal Blurring of the Married and Unmarried • One factor involved in more individuals delaying marriage is that the legal distinction between married and unmarried couples is blurring. • For example, individuals who define themselves as being in a domestic partnership may have many of the rights and privileges previously available only to married people.

  12. SinglehoodPersonal Choices • Personal Choices • Is Singlehood for you? • Consider the pros and cons of these concepts when contemplating your position on being single: • Alone time • Money • Social Identity • Children

  13. Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating”Functions of Involvement with a Partner • Confirmation of a social self • Recreation • Companionship / Intimacy / Sex • Anticipatory socialization • Status achievement • Mate selection • Health enhancement

  14. Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating”Changes in “Dating” in the Past 60 Years • Increase in the age at marriage • Dating pool includes an increasing number of individuals in their 30s who have been married before • Cohabitation has become more normative • Gender role relationships have become more egalitarian • Couples are more aware of the impermanence of marriage • Both sexes are more aware and cautious of becoming HIV-infected

  15. Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating”Dating after Divorce • Using the Internet to find new partners • Older population • Fewer potential partners • Increased HIV risk • Children • Ex-spouse issues • Brief courtship

  16. Functions, History, and Changes in “Dating”Singlehood and HIV Infection Risk • Though women typically report having had fewer sexual partners than men, the men they have sex with have usually had multiple sexual partners. • Hence, women are more likely to get infected from men than men are from women.

  17. Finding a PartnerWays of Finding a Partner • Hanging out • Refers to going out in groups where the agenda is to meet others and have fun • Hooking up • A one-time sexual encounter in which there is little or no expectation of a relationship. • The nature of the encounter may be making out, oral sex, and/or sexual intercourse.

  18. Finding a PartnerWays of Finding a Partner • Men and Emotional Hookups • “Some men engaged in hookups, but found it difficult to remain detached from the experience.” • The Internet—Meeting Online and After • There are hundreds of Web sites designed for meeting a new partner. • Internet Use: The Downside • WildXAngel.com is a Web site detailing horror stories of online dating.

  19. Finding a PartnerWays of Finding a Partner • Speed Dating • A person has eight one-on-one dates that last eight minutes each. • Speed dating allows individuals to “interview” a series of new people in a single evening. • High End Matchmaking • Wealthy busy clients looking for marriage partners pay the Web site, Selective Search, $20,000 to find them a mate. • International Dating • Looking for love in other countries, via matchmaking services, or the Internet.

  20. Cohabitation • Also known as living together • There are six million unmarried-couple households in the United States today. • Becoming a “normative life experience,” almost 60% of U.S. women who married in the 1990s reported that they had cohabitated before marriage.

  21. Cohabitation • Reasons for the increase in cohabitation: • Career or educational commitments • Increased tolerance of society, parents, and peers • Improved birth control technology • Desire for a stable emotional and sexual relationship without legal ties • Avoiding loneliness • Greater disregard for convention

  22. CohabitationSame Sex Cohabitation and Race • Of the six million unmarried partner household, 7% consist of two males; 6% consist of two females. • An estimated 13 percent of these are black couples.

  23. CohabitationNine Types of Cohabitation Relationships • Here and Now - The partners are focused on the here and now, not the future of the relationship. • Testers - The couple wants to assess whether they have a future together. • Engaged - These couples are in love and are planning to marry.

  24. CohabitationNine Types of Cohabitation Relationships • Money Savers - The couples live together out of economic convenience. • Pension Partners - Getting married would mean giving up their pension benefits from the previous marriage. • Alimony Maintenance - The divorced partner is collecting alimony, which the would forfeit should he or she remarry.

  25. CohabitationNine Types of Cohabitation Relationships • Security blanket cohabiters - Drawn to each other out of a need for security rather than mutual attraction. • Rebellious cohabiters - The cohabitation is more about rebelling from parents than being drawn to each other. • Marriage never (cohabitants forever) - Living together provides companionship and sex without the responsibilities of marriage.

  26. CohabitationAdvantages and Disadvantages Advantages • Sense of well-being • Delayed marriage • Learning about self and partner • Safety Disadvantages • More problems than “marrieds” • Feeling used or tricked • Problems with parents • Economic disadvantages • Effects on children

  27. CohabitationHaving Children While Cohabitating • Sassler and Cunningham (2008) interviewed twenty-five never-married American women who were cohabitating with their heterosexual partners. • Most (2/3) reported that they wanted to be married before having a child. • None of the respondents planned on having a child in the near future and none were actively trying to conceive.

  28. CohabitationLegal Aspect of Living Together • Some of the legal issues concerning cohabiting partners include: • Common-law marriage • Palimony • Child support • Child inheritance

  29. CohabitationLegal Aspect of Living Together • In North Carolina, cohabitation is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine not to exceed $500, imprisonment for not more than six months, or both. • Common-law marriage dates to a time when couples who wanted to be married did not have easy or convenient access to legal authorities.

  30. Living Apart TogetherAdvantages and Disadvantages Advantages: • Space and privacy • Career or work space • Variable sleep needs • Allergies • Variable social needs • Blended family needs • Keeping the relationship exciting • Self-expression and comfort • Cleanliness or orderliness • Elder care • Maintaining one’s lifetime residence • Leaving inheritance to children Disadvantages: • Stigma or disapproval • Cost • Inconvenience • Lack of shared history • Waking up alone

  31. Living Apart Together • Food for thought… • 7% of women and 6% of men age 23 and older (who are in a romantic relationship with their partner) are in a “living apart together” arrangement. • Discussion: What would be some of the difficulties with a relationship of this sort?

  32. Quick Quiz • Functions of being involved with a partner include intimacy and: • status achievement • mate selection • companionship • all of the above

  33. Quick Quiz • In traditional Chinese culture, romantic feelings were viewed as: • very important • unnecessary • scandalous • vital to marital happiness

  34. Quick Quiz • Partners who are emotionally and sexually involved and want to see whether cohabitation and marriage are the right decision are referred to as: • here and now • testers • rebellious cohabitators • commitment-phobic

  35. Quick Quiz • Which one of the following is not a legal concern for cohabitators? • Common-law marriage • Palimony • Alimony • Child inheritance

  36. Quick Quiz • A committed couple who does not live in the same home is considered to be: • Living Apart Together (LAT) • Non-Cohabitating Couple (NCC) • Separated Married Couple (SMC) • Loving Long Distance (LLD)

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