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Session 9: Instruction/Discipline of Children

Session 9: Instruction/Discipline of Children. Reflect for a moment on the childrearing process: 18-year task Each child is different Pass through several stages of development Launching difficulties Major hazards on the way. Artisanship and the Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom.

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Session 9: Instruction/Discipline of Children

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  1. Session 9: Instruction/Discipline of Children

  2. Reflect for a moment on the childrearing process: • 18-year task • Each child is different • Pass through several stages of development • Launching difficulties • Major hazards on the way

  3. Artisanship and the Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom Part I Artisanship: Mastering Your Craft (3 messages) Part II The Skillful Life (6 messages) Part III The Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom (2 messages)

  4. Artisanship and the Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom Part II The Skillful Life (6 messages) There is a wisdom corpus (body of literature) in the O.T. It gives us a taxonomy (disciplined framework) by which to live life. We must master this wisdom body of literature!

  5. Artisanship and the Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom Basics of a Skillful Life (A Perfect Taxonomy) • Character and Mental Acumen • Money, Honesty, and Disciplined Work Habits • Marriage, Children, and an Ordered Home • Emotions, Words, and Skill in Conflict • Authority, Respect, and Generational Harmony

  6. We have created a tool to guide you in mastering the Proverbs. In fact, we have a course and resource notebook with tabs, work-sheets, and a reader . . . and eventually videos and a workbook.

  7. …a habit of lifelong learning …character development • character types • character traits • mental acumen The Skillful Life 65 Categories 33 6 …living harmoniously in community …respect for authority and administration …kinds of generations …justice …disciplined in work …honest and fair practices …good use of money One leading a skillful life 6 …dealing wisely and fairly with people …control of emotions and words ...handling conflict …well ordered home …an excellent wife …discipline of children 14 6

  8. Core Life Skills Marriage, Children, and an Ordered Home 6 subcategories Building a House Importance of an Excellent Wife Nagging Wives Instructing/Disciplining Children (plus Prov. 1:8–9:18) Honoring Parents Grandchildren/Old Age

  9. Instructing/Disciplining Children 1:8a Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction 1:8b and do not forsake ( ) your mother’s teaching. Very insightful and seminal proverb. It sits at the beginning of this section: 1:8–9:18. Two key words: instruction and teaching.

  10. Instructing/Disciplining Children Instruction (musar)—punishment, rebuke; teaching of a principle or axiom (LN) Teaching (torah)—law, body of instruction, custom (LN); represents the concept of a catechetical context (Waltke). Note: mother is the base (grandmother, caregiver); father is appealing—older son, choice time. Father—dialogue, proverbs (principles).

  11. Instructing/Disciplining Children • This is now followed by a whole body of instruction • built upon teaching not to forsake (mother) • a dialogue with father to embrace, pursue learning • Basic roots of a moral development framework!

  12. Instructing/Disciplining Children Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. 2     I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. 3     When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, 4     he taught me and said, “Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live. 5     Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Proverbs 4:1–5

  13. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Father’s Exhortation • “My son” . . (1:8; 2:1; 3:1; 4:10, 20; 5:20; 6:1, 20; 7:1) • “Sons, listen to me . . (4:1; 5:7; 7:24; 8:32) • 1. Basic challenge—to stay on path of wisdom • 2. Basic warning—avoid: Wiser • worthless men • strange women Wise Youth Naive Fool Fool Scoffer Proverbs 1:8–9:18 Wisdom’s Inviting (Redemptive) Call 1. 3 categories of people on wrong path: naïve - fool - scoffer 2. Aspects of the call

  14. Instructing/Disciplining Children Kohlberg’s Moral Development Levels level 1 level 2 level 3 Ward’s Adaptation of Kohlberg level III level II level I dialogue Pre-moral models & rules rewards and punishment modes of moral influence moral determinant self others principles motivation me outside of me internalized principles respect for models & laws response to authority force willingly incorporate principles

  15. Instructing/Disciplining Children 0 6 12–13 Individual (Founding) Family Member (Building) Community Member (Deepening) CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT Hebrew Wisdom Literature PROVERBS: BASIC TRAINING WISDOM LITERATURE: DIALOGUE PROVERBS: DISCIPLINE CATECHISM: THEOLOGY IN CULTURE: TOWARD A BIBLICAL WORLD VIEW FAITH DEVELOPMENT KERYGMA: BASICS OF THE GOSPEL ELEMENTS OF A BIBLICAL WORLD VIEW EDUCATION & LIFEWORK DEVELOPMENT PRE-SCHOOLING SKILLS COMPLEX DISCIPLINES CORE KNOWLEDGE

  16. Instructing/Disciplining Children 13:24a He who spares the rod ( ) hates his son, 13:24b but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Rod—a wooden stick used as a versatile tool for controlling individuals in the herd or flock, also for punishment; a scepter—mark of authority (BDB) Careful—blacken / learn the whereabouts of an object, make an incantation to ward off trouble as an extension of seeking hidden knowledge (LN) Discipline (musar)

  17. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Rod—semantic range • Essentially it is a symbol (mark) of authority. • Keeps kids in the fold. Used to ward off trouble. Can be used for punishment. • Far broader idea than a tool for spanking. It represents the whole concept of controlling and shaping children morally.

  18. Instructing/Disciplining Children Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death. Proverbs 19:18 Discipline (yasar) gives formal and informal instruction, often with warning of consequences, punish in order to improve behavior. Death pictures anguish of soul—life going out of his soul. Hope pictures the quality of a soul/life lifted up.

  19. Instructing/Disciplining Children • We need to bring authority into the catechizing (training in the faith) process for the ultimate reason of not sharing in the destruction of the life of their soul. • If we fail to shape our children morally, we are sharing in the inevitable end result of seeing the real life that could be theirs snuffed out.

  20. Instructing/Disciplining Children 20:30b And beating purge the inmost being 20:30a Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, Evil—this is the key word here. It means wicked, no good, fierce, wild. It pictures danger. The level of discipline here is at least tough love, and possibly penal. This is a global practice.

  21. Instructing/Disciplining Children This is like the Indonesian practice of caning. In the city-state of Singapore, it is used as a form of corporal punishment on men for criminal offences. Caning was introduced to Singapore by the British when they controlled Singapore as part of their colonial empire. More than one thousand male criminals are caned in Singapore each year for both violent and non-violent offences such as vandalism, overstaying one's visa, or illegal immigration. The subject to be caned is strapped to a metal frame with the buttocks exposed. The rattan cane has been soaked in water overnight to prevent the cane from splitting and to maximize inflicted pain; the Prisons Department denies that the cane is soaked in brine, but notes that the cane is treated with antiseptic before use. Parts of the prisoner's body are padded to prevent accidental damaging of the kidneys and the genitals, but the procedure can still leave permanent scars on the subject. Caning is carried out in the presence of a prison officer and a medical officer. The punishment of caning is carried out in a single session, and not by 'installments.' Thus, a person sentenced to 24 strokes of the cane will have the entire sentence carried out at once. The persons carrying out the caning are specially trained prison officers.

  22. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Sections 227 to 233 of the Criminal Procedure Code • address the caning procedures to be adhered to, including: • The subject may be caned if he is male, is between the ages of sixteen and fifty, and is certified medically fit by a medical doctor. • The subject will be caned up to a maximum of twenty-four strokes, irrespective of the total number of offences convicted. • Should the subject be a youth, he may be caned up to ten strokes, using a light rattan. • The subject will not be caned if he has been sentenced to death. • The rattan shall be not more than 1.27 centimeters in diameter.

  23. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Illegal entry into Singapore: at least three strokes • Unlawful overstay in Singapore for over ninety days: at least three strokes • Unlawful possession or conveyance of any arms or ammunition: at least six strokes • Trafficking in arms: at least six strokes • Rape: at least twelve strokes for male offenders • Vandalism: three to eight strokes • Piracy (robbery committed at sea): at least twelve strokes • Robbery: at least six strokes. If committed after 7 p.m. and before 7 a.m: at least twelve strokes • Robbery when armed or with attempt to cause death or grievous hurt: at least twelve strokes • Attempt to commit robbery: at least six strokes • Voluntarily causing hurt in committing robbery: at least twelve strokes • Gang-robbery: at least twelve strokes (WIKIPEDIA)

  24. Instructing/Disciplining Children Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him Proverbs 22:15 Rod of discipline—use of authority by the use of several methods. The rod appears to be some form of shaping discipline, using authority to shape the outcome.

  25. Instructing/Disciplining Children Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. 14  Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. Proverbs 23:13–14 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. Proverbs 29:15 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. Proverbs 29:17

  26. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Methods of Discipline • Communication—always • Reinforcement—always • Extinction—not worth it • Natural consequences—step out of way of protection • Logical consequences—makes sense • Physical spanking—when all methods have failed • Help I’m a Parent, Bruce Narramore

  27. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Punishment and Discipline • Help I’m a Parent, Bruce Narramore To inflict penalty for an offense To train for correction and maturity Purpose Past misdeeds Focus Future correct deeds Hostility and frustration on the part of the parent Love and concern on the part of the parent Attitude Resulting Emotion in Child Fear and guilt Security

  28. Instructing/Disciplining Children Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 Train—both dedicate and to broadly instruct in conduct and behavior, including both principles and ritual (LN) Child—lad, adolescent, young man In the way—“according to his way” (Waltke) Very important phrase; way = bent (pertaining to the shape of a bow); journey, story (LN) also picks up his thrust!

  29. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Everyone who has two or more children, or has grown up in a home of one or more brothers and sisters, knows a lot about the uniqueness of each child. • Here we see 2 things: • Each child has his or her own unique bent—set of abilities and skills. • That unique bent, and life thrust, needs to be morally shaped by the training and discipline of the parents.

  30. Instructing/Disciplining Children Semantic range “pertaining to the shape of a bow ready to shoot”; “lead, guide, or cause another to follow a person or course” (LN); also his enterprise, strength, situation, manner, journey (story) (KB); work (BDB); thrust is in it as well (BDB) An adolescent is in mind here. How do we go about doing this? SIMA is an excellent tool! 3-year process available.

  31. Instructing/Disciplining Children • How do we go about doing this? • Suggestions: • Pay attention to your children’s unique designs as seen in their achievements (Ask: What do they enjoy? What are they good at?) Encourage and cultivate. • Art is looking into a reprint of Born to Fly. • Pay for sending kids through SIMA process in 11th grade.

  32. Instructing/Disciplining Children • Mini-SIMA Reader (on your kids) • “Decode Your Kid’s Code,” Max Lucado • “What Shape Are Your Child’s Wings?” Thom Black • “Perceiving Consistencies,” Ralph Mattson and Thom Black • “Prepare Your Children for Their LifeWork,” Marlys Hanson

  33. Instructing/Disciplining Children A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother. Pr 15:20 To have a fool for a son brings grief; there is no joy for the father of a fool. Pr 17:21 A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him. Pr 17:25 He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace. Pr 19:26

  34. Discipline of Children A proverb on discipline of children shows an aspect of the discipline process. A collection of proverbs on discipline show the rather complete picture (idea) of discipline of children. A fully developed idea shapes our lives, families, and destinies. Great Books—Syntopicon—101 great ideas. Proverbs—65 great ideas—God’s core. We must master them

  35. Essence of Discipline of ChildrenThe Great Idea of Discipline of Children • The heart of discipline is a well coordinated balance between the mother (socialization base) and the father (dialogue with authority). • Our discipline method must grow with our children—discipline to teaching to transitional dialogue. • One of our main jobs as our kids mature is to keep them on the right path, rooted in an approach that leads them to work at choosing the right path.

  36. Essence of Discipline of ChildrenThe Great Idea of Discipline of Children • Careful discipline calls for the quick use of authority as a shaping control, which wards off trouble and seeks to gain insight into a problem. • Lack of discipline will lead to seeing the eventually death of the souls of our children—their lights going out. • Severe discipline may be needed for our teens to break into their private rooms. • Each emerging adult has his or her own unique shape and thrust toward an adult lifework. We must help train him around that—shaped morally and spiritually.

  37. Essence of Discipline of ChildrenThe Great Idea of Discipline of Children • Failure to attend to the training and discipline process will result in disgrace, loss of joy, and bitterness. • Careful investment in training and discipline will result in joy, peace, and delight in your soul.

  38. Using this guide, go to Part I and pick one individual proverb. • Importance of Character • Character Traits • Character Types • Plans/Decision Making/ God’s Sovereignty • Role of Reproof and Discipline • Mental Acumen

  39. Front of Life Cycle Guide— Proverbs Worksheet • Cycle 3: Young & Middle Adulthood • Proverbs Worksheet • Proverb __22:6________ • Date __________________ • Explanation of Proverb: • Train a child in the way he should go • and when he is old he will not turn from it. • Proverbs 22:6 • Issue & Questions: • Issue: A child’s unique bent • Questions: • 1. Why is it important to train identify the unique shape/bent • of each of our children, and consider that bent as we • train them? • 2. What might happen to children who are trained according to their bent and yet not shaped morally? • 3. Why might the combination of these two make it likely that this path would be a lifelong compass?

  40. Back of Life Cycle Guide—Proverbs Worksheet • Life Situation • Accuracy of SIMA process • Projects • Introduce SIMA program to church • Establish an Ames LifeWork apprenticeship for youth 12–18 • Memory Verse Back of 3 x 5 Memory Card Front of 3 x 5 Memory Card Long-term prayer request and answers Category Proverb

  41. “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:13

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