What is Dating?

1. What is Dating?

2. The Purpose of Dating - Why • The ultimate purpose – To find a spouse. • Further benefits: • To enjoy a good time socially. • To develop proper etiquette and social graces. • To develop your personality. • To test your capability.

3. God’s Plan – In the Beginning • God said it was not good for a man to be alone. • God created woman from man’s rib. • God created woman to be a “suitable helper” or a “completer” to a man. • God instituted marriage in verse 24. Leave family and cleave to husband/wife.

4. God’s Plan – In the Beginning • God ordained sex. Gen. 1:28 • God created sex and put His blessing on it before man sinned. • God says marriage and sex in marriage is honorable and undefiled. Heb. 13:4 • God intends marriage to be permanent. Mark 10:2-9 Let not man put asunder.

5. Our Culture Dating is part of our Western Culture, thus the Bible is silent on the specific subject of dating, but God’s principles are still very relevant to this subject.

6. Setting the Framework • Pyramid of Opposite-Sex relations • Marriage – Total commitment to each other. • Engagement – Commitment to one another and to prepare for marriage. • Dating – Steady – Commitment to date one specific person. • Dating – Special – Special emotions involved. • Dating – Casual – Take it or leave it – social date. • Friendship – Enjoyment of other’s company.

7. Setting the Framework Each level is based on the level beneath it and is vitally dependent on the success of the lower level.

8. Setting the Framework • You must have a healthy, God-honoring acceptance of self before you can build a strong dating relationship. • Realize your importance to God. Gen. 1:26 • Realize it’s more important to have your inner strength and beauty than outer strength or beauty. 1 Sam. 16:7, Prov. 31:30

9. Setting the Framework • Realize God made you the way you are. Ps. 139:13-16 • Improve what you can. James 4:17 Hair, hygiene, breath, communication skills, idiosyncrasies, gum chewing – smacking.

10. Dating • Who should I date? • Only a true, born-again believer. 2 Cor. 6:14-7:1 The greatest Christian dating heresy: I’LL GET HIM/HER SAVED!

11. Ten Questions to Ask • Are they active in church? (Fallacy – we’ll go once we’re married) • Do they respect God’s Word? (Tender to preaching) • Are they a person of honesty? • Do they control their temper? • Are they lazy?

12. Ten Questions to Ask • Do you respect them as a person? (character) • What is their attitude towards authority? • How do they treat their parents? (it’s the way you’ll be treated) • Will you have to apologize for them? • What do they think of your moral standards?

13. Dating • Who should I date? • Only one who meets your parents’ approval. Eph. 6:1 • Only a dedicated, growing Christian. Prov. 13:20; 27:17, 22:24-25 • Don’t date the wrong type of person. • Wait for God’s timing. • Make plans to pursue Christian company (colleges, camps, retreats).

14. Dating • When should I date? • Age • There is no magical age. • Highest Prerequisite – God’s approval. 1 Cor. 10:31 • Seek parental approval. Heb. 13:17 • They know you best. • Generally, they love you most. • It is wonderful to have their blessing.

15. Dating • When should I date? • Age • Personally • When you know the benefits and dangers of dating. • When you have developed your own set of personal dating standards. • When you have committed that list to the Lord, purposing not to lower the standard…even if it means losing dates.

16. Dating Progression 6 months to 1 year

17. Dating • When should I date? • Time of Day • Anytime during daylight is ideal. • Evening dates are fine – but have a safe curfew and stick to it. *Late nights with no curfew spells DANGER! Rom. 13:14

18. Goin’ Steady Good • Creates stability • Createssecurity • Pre-engagement Bad • Causes cliques • Physical too quick • Takes you out of dating circle

19. Infatuation vs. Love Infatuation is… • Usually short lived • Rises and falls on moods • Sudden and uncontrolled urgency • Phony substitute for real love. • Selfish and superficial • Overlooks character weaknesses in the other person. Many football stars and beauty queens make lousy marriage partners.

20. Dangers of Infatuation! • Mistake it for love • Lose your head while feelings run wild. • Make careless choices based on intense feelings. • Lose ability to reason/perceive consequences of wrong actions. Please note: Infatuation not kept in check can quickly lead to a regretful physical relationship.

21. Definition of Love The unselfish, self-sacrificial giving of one’s self to a cherished object, expecting nothing in return.

22. 1 Corinthians 13 - Love • Love suffereth long – slow to lose patience. • Love is kind – looks for ways to be constructive. • Love envieth not – it is not possessive. • Love vaunteth not itself – not anxious to impress. • Love is not puffed up – does not cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. • It does not behave itself unseemly – it has good manners.

23. 1 Corinthians 13 - Love • It does not see its own – does not pursue selfish motives. • It is not easily provoked – not touchy or moody. • It thinketh no evil – keeps no account of evil. • It rejoiceth not in inquity – does not gloat over past sins of self or others. • It rejoices in the truth – glad when godliness prevails.

24. 1 Corinthians 13 - Love • It bears all things – no limit to forbearance. • It believes all things – no end to its trust. • It hopeth all things – no fading of hope. • It endureth all things – unlimited in endurance.

25. The ABC’s of Love • I accept you the way you are…warts and all. • I believe you are valuable. • I care when you hurt. • I desire the best for you. • I erase all offenses.

26. Moral Purity • The battle starts in the mind. • Moral purity is God’s will for your life. • America – pre-occupied with sex • Abstain from fornication • Defraud – to excite passion that cannot righteously be fulfilled. • Possess – to control • Vessel – body • God condemns premarital sex

27. Moral Purity • True love is based on self-sacrifice and respect – not sex God created us differently – emtotionally, physically, mentally. Men – sight and touch Women – sound and touch • Purpose in your heart to stay pure. • Guard your thoughts. 2 Cor. 10:5 • Set biblical standards! Dan. 1:8 • Avoid dangerous places. Rom. 13:14 • When the tempation comes – and it will… Refuse – Resist - Run

28. Moral Purity Asking “How far can we go?” shows a lack of maturity and self-control. • 1 Cor. 7:1 – “good for a man not to touch a woman.” • Touch = to touch in a way that excites sexually. • Do not defraud.

29. Stay as far away from the cliff as possible – heartache and ruin lie beneath. Prov. 6:32

30. Moral Purity • Tragic consequences of premarital sex • Robs you of purity and wholesomeness • Ruins your testimony for Christ. • Runs the risk of pregnancy - creation of a new life that will live somewhere forever. • Causes you to contemplate abortion (murder). • Invites possibility of venereal disease. (AIDS) • May cause you to enter an undesirable marriage. • Causes serious guilt feelings for years.

31. Moral Purity • Tragic consequences of premarital sex • Brings deep shame when others know about it. • Could prevent normal satisfying relationships after marriage (guilt) • Can result in legal action and public announcement. • Does not bring the satisfaction which God has planned in lawful husband and wife relationships.

32. Moral Purity Thousands of men and women have traded five minutes of fireworks in the back seat of a car for a million moments of happiness in marriage.

33. Breaking Up • Do it quickly • Face-to-Faceortelephone • Dear John/Jane is a cheap way out *Nothing is gained by procrastination • Get to the point (don’t sneak it in) • Be firm – not brutal • Be positive – name positive points • Be final – don’t give false hope • Be prepared – they might respond wrong • Don’t forget what you learned in that relationship

34. Danger Signs of Incompatibility • Frequent arguing • Frequent break-ups • Intent on changing the other person • Intent to change life’s direction • Major friend differences

35. Engagement • Never say “yes” if there are still doubts • Must have adequate financial provision as well as means to keep that coming in. • Must develop a clear understanding of God’s plan for marriage partner. • Ideal length of engagement if 6 months to 1 year.

36. Engagement • Remember to carefully guard each other’s purity – you don’t belong to each other yet. • If unresolved problems arise, break up. It’s better to suffer heartache now than to live a heart-broken life.