The Pain Doesn’t End When The Addicted Partner Enters Recovery

1. The Pain Doesn’t End When The Addicted Partner Enters Recovery Even after the addicted partner stops acting out and enters recovery, loneliness and isolation can continue. While it is great to have the addict in recovery, it can be frustrating to have the time and energy still focused outside of the home as the addict enters treatment, commits to regular therapy, and begins involvement in 12 step meeting attendance and activities. Partners can become resentful of the time spent away from the family and can feel as though they continue to carry the family and parenting responsibilities alone. All of the time spent covering family and household duties while supporting the addict can lead a partner to further isolation. Another isolating factor can be the reactions of family and friends to the partner when they discover the addict’s behaviors. Well-meaning family and friends can react in ways that are not helpful and can be extremely shaming and disempowering of the partner. Some reactions can lead to the partner feeling guilty for wanting to leave. Those reactions might include statements like… • “Why would you leave when he just went for help?” • “You can’t leave, what would you tell the children?” • “How could you leave her at her most vulnerable? She needs your help.” Other reactions can lead to the partner feeling guilty for wanting to stay. These include reactions such as… • “You need to leave that cheater right now!” • “You can’t possibly stay with her after she has been with so many other people.” • “What will you be teaching your kids if you allow this kind of thing?” These well-intended messages can be perceived by the partner as shaming and controlling. It can feel like no one understands what the partner is going

2. through. It can begin to feel like there is no help or support available.