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Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Setting Boundaries in Relationships. Boundary Definition. The dictionary meaning: 'boundary' is something that indicates bounds or limits. A territory or a line that should not be crossed.

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Setting Boundaries in Relationships

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  1. Setting Boundaries in Relationships

  2. Boundary Definition • The dictionary meaning: 'boundary' is something that indicates bounds or limits. A territory or a line that should not be crossed. • It is very important to know your personal boundaries in a relationship to ensure that you are treated with respect and your identity is safeguarded. • Everything in Life has boundaries. Country, marriage, family, friends.

  3. Types of Boundaries Most people are very aware of boundaries for material objects, yet struggle to realize the importance of implementing emotional, physical, spiritual and mental boundaries for self. Ex: Prodigal Son. Bank account. Max out cc (outside boundary)

  4. Lack of Boundaries • Effects include: • Depression, heaviness in your life, Chip on your shoulder, resentment, anger.

  5. Setting Boundaries • People have right to set boundaries. (ex: mother/ 2 daughters) (respect the needs) • Relationships of all kinds can be complicated. The relationships isn’t healthy If either person feels overburdened then the bond will not last. Set boundaries to keep your relationships functioning properly. (This is very difficult)

  6. The first application of 'boundaries' resides in differentiating between what is/is not within our responsibility. (sit/examine self) • It is also the ability to say 'NO' to people when they inconsiderably ask too much of us thus putting our life at the risk of chaos and confusion. • This requires Confrontation • However, Confrontation is very hard.

  7. Confrontation • Easier to talk about and not to people. • Ex haircut

  8. Confrontation • Other person will not be happy or like it. • War is on, throw a fit, Rebellious • Will fight back will be sarcastic/ judge/blame • You must be calm • Confront, Leave to God, Don’t mistreat the person. Note: if you don’t let the person know your needs, you can not blame them.

  9. Confrontation • Example: Galatians 2:11-12 11 Now when Peterhad come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; 12 for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision.

  10. Psalm 91: 1-2 • He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” • Your boundaries should match God’s and you should put your trust in the lord.

  11. Take responsibility, set boundaries and enforce them. Ex (punishing children) • Help people but don’t sacrifice/destroy your own life. Don’t be distracted for what your purpose is • Our Lord Jesus helped people but they also must be willing to be helped • Ex: Story in John Chapter 5

  12. Paralyzed man 38 years • Do you want to be healed??????????

  13. Knowing yourself • It is necessary that you learn to treat yourself decently first, be confident, understand your true worth or else you will end up attracting narcissists who will misuse you, ill-treat you or trick you. Creating boundaries in relationships means being very clear about your likes and dislikes. • If you pamper someone, they will expect it all the time.

  14. Also, you can be stretched too far, you have to go on with life. (ex. Luke 10:27) • The story of the Good Samaritan. • Body of believers, share the burden, delegate

  15. Marriage Boundaries • Setting boundaries is a good way to develop and maintain trust, strengthen a relationship, and prevent disputes. • It is a good idea to set firm and fair boundaries that both parties agree on. (Women love to give hints) • (but not a prenuptial)

  16. Identify with your spouse what areas of your marriage need some sort of boundaries. This could include curfews, work restrictions or relationships with friends. While two adults can do as they please when they please, it benefits the marriage to enact some restrictions.

  17. Baby Steps • Set small boundaries initially. As each of you becomes more proficient at avoiding breaking the marriage boundaries, set bigger boundaries if you choose. This is not to say that every facet of your marriage should have a boundary; rather, it means that as you become more adept at meeting your spouse's expectations, you can stretch yourself further

  18. The Compliant Person • The Compliant Person: A compliant person's gates are always open and he say 'YES' to the right and the wrong, to the good and the bad. Such people do not have the ability to say 'NO' to a task they cannot perform for one reason or the other.

  19. The Guilt Person • The Guilt Person: These people are harsh on themselves full of self blame for things for which God does not convict them. St. Paul described these people as possessing "weak conscience" (1 Corinthians 8:7).

  20. The Fearful Person • The Fearful Person: Their deeds are prompted by fear of losing other people's acceptance, or arousing their anger, punishment, and/or devaluation or depreciation.

  21. The avoidance Person • The Avoidance Person: This person's gates are closed to the good and bad. Such people, under the misconstrued concept of "independence", refuse help either out of feeling of unworthiness or haughtiness.

  22. The Controlling Person • The Controlling Person: These people cannot tolerate a 'NO' They do what they desire but deny others their right to say 'NO' to a service they cannot perform. They use either of two techniques:

  23. The Controlling Person • Manipulation, a device commonly used by Satan and dominantly by women. Through manipulative lying, Satan convinced Eve to sin and she in turn, through the same technique, convinced her husband to eat from the forbidden fruit and disobeyed God, the source of their happiness and peace. • Ex: Delilah, Salome, Photiphar’s wife

  24. The Controlling Person • Aggression, a device used mostly by men through which they appeal to violence in order to obtain what they want. Below is a chart showing the correlation between types of personalities and barriers.

  25. You can say NO • The Holy Bible approves of the concept of 'No" as a protective weapon when applied at the right place and right time. "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one" (Matthew 5:37).

  26. You can say NO • Parents should train themselves to accept a 'NO' from their children. Children should be trained to say 'NO' to bad company and wrong choices. Husbands and wives should learn how to prioritize options and services before they push themselves to the limit and lose hold of the essentials which are God, their families and their children.

  27. Conclusion • Setting boundaries and saying 'NO' at the right place and the right time help us to conduct a peaceful fruitful life.

  28. Glory be to God forever Amen

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