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Whole Hearted Parenting Joyfully Parenting with Your Whole Heart!

Whole Hearted Parenting Joyfully Parenting with Your Whole Heart!. Parents in Pajamas Teleseminars www.wholeheartedparenting.com (954) 483-8021 maggie_macaulay@msn.com. What to Do Instead of Time Out: Effective Strategies that Work!. Our Parental Approach.

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Whole Hearted Parenting Joyfully Parenting with Your Whole Heart!

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  1. Whole Hearted ParentingJoyfully Parenting with Your Whole Heart! Parents in Pajamas Teleseminars www.wholeheartedparenting.com (954) 483-8021 maggie_macaulay@msn.com

  2. What to Do Instead of Time Out:Effective Strategies that Work!

  3. Our Parental Approach I have come to a frightening conclusion. I am the decisive element in the home (classroom). It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. As a parent (teacher) I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized. Between Teacher and Child by Haim Ginott

  4. Time Out • Is based on the concept that we must make a child feel bad to change his behavior • Uses isolation and separation from the family to change behavior

  5. Time Out • Parents send children away in anger • Uses withholding of love to manipulate behavior • What children hear is, “I don’t like you. Go away so my life can be happier.”

  6. Time Out • Is an external control • Doesn’t help children see the connection between their behavior and their results so children do not take responsibility for their results • Doesn’t teach children self-control or self-management

  7. Time Out • While in time out, children don’t think about their mistake • Instead, they think that mom is not fair and that it is stupid • Time Out is a punishment

  8. The Results of Punishment • Feeling Hurt • Wanting to Get Even • Wanting to Go Away • Seeking Revenge

  9. The Results of Punishment • Being Resentful • Fear • Lying • Blaming Others

  10. The Results of Punishment • Being Rebellious • Over-Pleasing • Low Self-Esteem

  11. Self-Esteem Equation Self-Esteem = I am Lovable and Capable

  12. What to Do Instead:Use Discipline Instead of Punishment

  13. Creates Inner Directed Children Based on Love Based on Belief that Children Who are Getting Needs Met will Misbehave Less Based on Teaching, Guidance, and Influence Creates Outer Directed Children Based on Fear Based on Belief that We Must Make Others Feel Bad to Change their Behavior Based on Control, Force and Manipulation Discipline vs Punishment

  14. What to Do Instead • Self-Quieting • I Messages • Conflict Resolution • Natural Consequences • Logical Consequences

  15. Self-Quieting • Works best when children have more language ability • Encourage their success in calming themselves down • Between 3 and 4, children can begin to answer questions about their behavior and the choices they are making

  16. Self-Quieting • At a time when you’d normally use Time-Out, get on your child’s level, eye-to-eye, and speak calmly and lovingly. • Say, “It looks like you need a break. Go to your self-quieting place. Come back when you’re calm and ready to solve this problem.” Note: Say this once, and only once to your child.

  17. Self-Quieting • If your child does not leave, either pick him up or gently lead him to his self-quieting spot. • If your child comes back and behaves well, let him stay. • If your child come back and does not behave appropriately, silently take him by the hand and lead him back to his spot. Do not say a word. Do this as many times as necessary. Be patient and persistent.

  18. Use an “I” Message I feel ___________when you __________ because __________. Please _______________. • Teach your child to use “I” messages • They help us avoid defensiveness

  19. If AppropriateAllow Natural Consequences to Occur • Natural consequences are what happens if we do nothing • They are very powerful teachers • Do not use natural consequences if they • Cause harm or do not create safety • Do not respect our boundaries • Have results so far in the future that the connection will not be made • Do not matter to your child

  20. Logical Consequences Logical consequences are limits that we set to protect our boundaries If you are angry, you will probably create a logicalPUNISHMENT Agreements are the Foundation

  21. Agreements Agreements let children know the boundaries in advance They are NOT orders When children are involved in the process of creating agreements, they are invested

  22. 4 R’s of Logical Consequences RESPECTFUL REASONABLE RESPONSIBILITY RELATED

  23. Practice Creating Logical Consequences • Write the problem as clearly as possible • List possible solutions • Ask “If you break our agreement, what am I to do?” • Evaluate your consequence against the 4 R’s

  24. Learning Conscious & Unskilled Unconscious & Unskilled

  25. Learning Unconscious & Skilled Conscious & Skilled

  26. Add Another Skill Each Week Pick One Thing

  27. And Be Gentle with Yourself!

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