Types of Relationship Violence

1. Types of Relationship Violence

2. Some interesting facts about teens and dating violence…. • Acceptance of dating abuse among friends is one of the strongest links to future involvement in dating abuse (Bergman 1992; Arriaga and Foshee 2004). • Adolescents often believe that unhealthy relationships are the norm. Many relationships seen on TV, in the movies, and in magazines are unrealistic or unhealthy examples of relationships. • Qualities like respect, good communication and honesty are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Adolescents that do not have this part down before they begin to date may have trouble forming healthy, nonviolent relationships with others (Wekerle and Wolfe 1999; Feiring and Furman 2000).

3. Verbal Abuse What It Means: Behavior that causes harm with words How It works: name calling, insults, public humiliation, yelling Early Warning Signs: teasing that includes insults

4. Psychological Abuse What is Means: behavior intended to cause psychological or emotional distress How It Works: threats, intimidation, put-downs, telling a person's secrets, jealousy, possessiveness, isolating a person from friends/family, destroying gifts/clothing/letters, damaging a car/home/possessions

5. One-third of teens report experiencing some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships, including verbal and emotional abuse. 1 • Early Warning Signs: pouting when you spend time with your friends, threatening to leave you in an unsafe location, trying to control what you do 1 in 5 adolescents reports being a victim of emotional abuse (Halpern et al. 2001).

6. Physical Abuse What It Means: behavior that inflicts harm on a person How It Works: slapping, hitting, shoving, grabbing, hair pulling, biting, throwing objects at a person, 1 in 11 adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating abuse (CDC 2006).

7. A third of Americans say they know a woman whose husband or boyfriend has physically abused her in the past year. http://www.corasupport.org/ U.S. Statistics • Early Warning Signs: going into a rage when disappointed or frustrated, teasing, tripping or pushing, threatening to injure someone In general, guys and girls don't usually start hitting their girlfriend or boyfriend out of the blue. It usually starts after a history of verbal and emotional abuse, which is far more likely to occur among young teens. If nothing is done about that abuse, it's likely to become more severe and start including sexual and physical abuse.

8. Sexual Abuse What It Means: sexual advances that make a person feel uncomfortable; sexual behavior that is unwanted How It Works: insisting, physically or verbally that a person who said "no" have sex or participate in "sexual" activity anyway, forcing another person into something sexual.

9. One in five female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. http://www.corasupport.org/ U.S. Statistics • Early Warning Signs: using emotional blackmail to talk you into having sex ("if you love me, you would….") Almost 70% of young women who have been raped knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend, or casual acquaintance

10. Healthy Relationship Quiz Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Is your relationship as healthy as you deserve? Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out. Does the Person I am with: • Get extremely jealous or possessive? • Accuse me of flirting or cheating? • Constantly check up on me or make me check in? • Control what I wear or how I look? • Try to control what I do and who I see? • Try to keep me from seeing or talking to my family and friends? • Have big mood swings - getting angry and yelling at me one minute, and the next minute being sweet and apologetic? • Make me feel nervous or like I’m “walking on eggshells”?

11. Put me down, call me names or criticize me? • Make me feel like I can’t do anything right or blame me for problems? • Make me feel like no one else would want me? • Threaten to hurt me, my friends or family? • Threaten to hurt him or herself because of me? • Threaten to destroy my things? • Grab, push, shove, choke, punch, slap, hold me down, throw things or hurt me in any way? • Break things or throw things to intimidate me? • Yell, scream or humiliate me in front of others? • Pressure or force me into having sex or going farther than I want to? What Can I do? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship

12. Tension Honeymoon Explosion The Cycle of Violence In most abusive relationships violence is not a one time incident. The abuse usually happens again and again. While not all victims experience the same thing, many find that the abuse occurs in a repeating cycle. What do I need to know? The cycle that most abusive relationships take is called the Cycle of Violence and it has three phases: tension building, explosion, and honeymoon. Each phase can be as short as a few seconds, or as long as several years. Over time, the explosions can become more violent and dangerous.

13. Tension Honeymoon Explosion Tension Building

14. Tension Honeymoon Explosion Explosion • There is an outburst of violence that can include intense emotional, verbal, sexual and/or physical abuse. The abuser may: • Physically abuse you by hitting, kicking, slamming you against the wall, etc. • Scream and yell in a way that scares or humiliates you. • Rape or force you to go further sexually than you want to. • Threaten to hurt you.

15. Tension Honeymoon Explosion Honeymoon • The abuser will apologize, try to make up with you, and try to shift the blame for the explosion to someone or something else. The abuser often: • Says “I love you.” • Apologizes and promises that it will never happen again. • Buys you flowers or other gifts. • Says that you did something to cause the abuse or blames it on other things, like being drunk or stressed out.

16. remember how he told you you were stupid how he couldn't even look at you anymore remember how he told you you were crazy how he got out of the car and slammed the door he said you cant do anything right why you gotta make me so mad just get outta my sight remember that chorus when its 3 am and he's at your door and he wants you back and he's begging for forgiveness remember that when your phone keeps ringing all night long and that same old weakness gets so strong that you're helpless remember that remember how he pushed you in the hallway just enough to hurt a little bit remember the whiskey in his whispers and the lies that fell so easy from his lips he said he'll never do it again you can't take it back the proof is on your skin remember that take your heart and run Remember That – Jessica SimpsonYouTube - Jessica Simpson - Remember that

17. chorus when its 3am and he's at your door and he wants you back and he's begging for forgiveness remember that when your phone keeps ringing all night long and that same old weakness gets so strong that you're helpless remember that it doesn't matter how he hurts you with his hands or with his words you don't deserve it it ain't worth it chorus when its 3am and he's at your door and he wants you back and he's begging for forgiveness remember that when your phone keeps ringing all night long and that same old weakness gets so strong that you're helpless remember that remember that oh remember that remember you're gonna be all right take it from me i've stood there in your shoes

18. YouTube - Teen Dating Violence 60 second PSA

19. YouTube - Text Messaging PSA

20. YouTube - Teen Dating Abuse Survivors

21. YouTube - Causing Pain: Real Stories of Dating Abuse and Violence