“ IS LOVE SWEET?” Analysis of 'Amae' and group therapeutic Process

1. “IS LOVE SWEET?”Analysis of 'Amae' and group therapeutic Process • Kaoru Nishimura • MAY 7TH, 2008 • dERNER iNSTITUTE cOLLOQUIUM

2. Today's topics • 1. Japanese 'amae' (甘え)concept from the viewpoint of Bucci's 'Multiple Code Theory' • [2. (Brief introduction) of linguistic analysis of interpersonal relationships in Japanese language] • 3. Discussion by illustrating a group therapy case

3. THE CONCEPT OF 'AMAE' AND BUCCI'S MULTIPLE CODE THEORY • Bucci's Multiple Code Theory • According to multiple code theory, thought and communication, including emotional communication, occurs in three basic forms: subsymbolic nonverbal, the codes of sensory and bodily experience that are at the core of emotion; symbolic nonverbal, the codes of imagery in all sensory forms; and symbolic verbal, the code of language and logic.

4. Bucci's Multiple Code Theory • The different codes are connected only partially--called the referential process. Adaptive functioning depends on adequate integration among the multiple systems to enable people to understand and direct themselves. • The phases of the Referential Process include: • Arousal, the phase where subsymbolic code is dominant; Symbolizing, the phase of imagery and narrative; and the phase of Reflection, in which the patient, with the therapist, explores the contents of the images and narratives. • Optimally, the process is repeated within sessions and across sessions and promotes deeper understanding and change that reaches into bodily and emotional systems.

5. Amae as a key concept • Doi (1971, 1989) • “I was struck by the fact that their (Japanese patients') relationship to the therapist is tinged with the same emotional tone which pervades all interpersonal relationships in Japan.”

6. Amae as a key concept • “This (Amae) is a noun which derives from amaeru, an intransitive verb meaning 'to depend and presume upon another's love or bask in another's indulgence'. It has the same root as the word, amai (甘い), an adjective meaning 'sweet'.”

7. “The concept of amae is important as an organizing principle in understanding the emotional life of Japanese people. In spite of its being Japanese in origin it sheds light on and unifies many psychoanalytic concepts that are usually considered separately.” Amae as a key concept

8. Three characteristics of Amae (1)It's liked with psychology in infancy Experiencing instability Seeking for responses by and appealing for care turning on his charm Gratification of amae • ‏

9. Doi (1989)‏ • “...it definitely links with the psychology of infancy, because we say about a small child that it is amaeru-ing only when it begins to become aware of its surroundings and to seek its mother.” • “Please note that in this instance amae describes certain forms of behavior of the child that directly refers to the feelings revealed by that behavior.”

10. “Amae can be used not only for a child vis-a-vis his mother or any caring person, but also when similar feelings occur in any other interpersonal relationship such as between lovers, friends, husband and wife, teacher and student” (and even with pets!)

11. Doi (1989)‏ “You cannot say 'I amaeru on you' unless you happen to be in a reflective mood to acknowledge your amae on the partner.” “... the genuine feeling of amae should be conveyed and appreciated only non-verbally.” Three characteristics of amae (2)It's basically non-verbal message

12. “...though it primarily indicates a content state of mind when one's need for love is reciprocated by another's love, it may also refer to that very need for love because one cannot always count on another's love, much as one would wish to do so...” Three characteristics of amae (3)Interpersonal or intersubjective nature

13. “...Hence it follows that the state of frustration in amae, the various phases of which can be described by a number of Japanese words, may also be referred to as amae and in fact it often is so called, since obviously amae is more keenly felt as a desire in frustration than in fulfillment.”

14. “amae and ambivalence are quite closely related, because amae is vulnerable as it totally hinges upon another person for its satisfaction.”

15. Amae and sweetnessTwo types of amae “It is related to this usage that we can talk oftwo kinds of amae, a primitive one which is sure of a willing recipient and a convoluted one which is not sure if there is such a recipient. The former kind is childlike, innocent and restful: the latter is childish, wilful and demanding.”

16. This ‘sweetness’ is something to represent psychological nourishment that everyone needs or a state of gratification. Presumably the sense of pleasure when you feel loved or unified by someone evokes a strong bodily response. And that is followed by a referential process where that response will be searched and connected with some word that represents similar experiences. Where’s the ‘sweetness’?

17. How would mother feel about baby? And why? You're so lovely. I love you, sweetie. • Something sweet comes from the baby. And that moves the mother to love her.

18. How would mother feel about baby? And why? Dear, you're amaeru-ing. I'd be glad to care you. • The baby needs something sweet from the mother. That motivates her to care the baby.

19. To mean 'pretty' 'lovely' 'cute' 「可愛い」(kawaii) = to be loved 「可憐な」(karen-na)= to be pitied It comes from... Defenselessness, Precariousness, Honesty or Helplessness with Innocence

20. 1. A strong tendency to avoid using personal pronoun. 2. No person pronoun in a strict sense. “Terms for Self” (for the first person) and “Address Terms” (for the second person)‏ 3. Centrality of the youngest child in family SOME CHARACTERISTICS IN THE STRUCTURE OF JAPANESE LANGUAGE

21. “Father” “Mother” “Big sister” “Ichiro kun” ‏

22. Western interpersonal Japanese interpersonal relationship relationship Binominal Relationship (Mori)‏ you yo you I I I as seen from you I as seen from you

23. ILLUSTRATION BY A CASE OF GROUP THERAPY • 8 sessions in 4 days (marathon group), combined with 4 large group sessions. • 6 members in their twenties (4 women, 2 men). • 2 co-therapists (men) led this group • Miss A, 22, was a junior college student who had never been in therapy. She joined this group because she wanted to improve her interpersonal relationships in the groups.

24. Sensitive about the eye contacts with the others.(G:\Is Love Sweet\eyecontacts#1.wmv)‏ She met the eyes of Miss B. She insinuated into Miss B. And Miss B came to take an obedient attitude to Miss A.G:\Is Love Sweet\scapegoating#1.wmv Miss A (#1, Day1)‏

25. Th C translator Miss A Miss C Miss D Mr. X Mr.Y Miss B Th N

26. Miss B gave us an impression that she was a nervous person in the group, even the weakest. Miss A identified herself with the weak part of Miss B, won Miss B over to her side, and placed Th N as a persecutor who made Miss B, lovely but the weakest woman, cry, and justified her protest. Actually Th N was forced to feel very guilty about it.

27. Miss A very obviously revealed a disparate attitude, saying, “I don’t want to say anything more,” “I want to throw away my feelings.” To those members who worried about and tried to relate with her, she had a very theatrical smile, saying, “You guys had better not throw away your feelings.” Miss D got angry at her, and Miss B burst into tears, saying, “Why are you going to leave while you were trying to help others?” Miss A (#5, Day 2)‏

28. Th N challenged her theatricals, tried to reflect her attitude, smiled theatrically, and said, “I got it! You have no love. So you can’t accept love.” Miss A said, “Yup!” with the theatrical smile. Th C interpreted the ambivalence literally Miss A has. Our dispute went on long and the session ended in a very bad mood. Miss A (#5, Day 2) cont.

29. Miss A appeared refreshed. She said, “I really feel I threw you into confusion,” “I envied you expressing feelings honestly. I couldn’t hear you not because I was not interested in your topics but I didn’t want to listen to you as they moved me so much.” She showed a more honest smile and engaged in the discussion more eagerly than before. She talked about her past story, such as the family was so strict, her big brother had been preferred to her, and she had been isolated in the family.G:\Is Love Sweet\symbolizing#6.wmv Miss A (#6,Day 3)‏

30. The amalgamated (tangled amae) relationship among Miss A, Miss B, and Miss C was broken in terms of the change of Miss A. Miss B and Miss C turned to her own therapeutic work. There they explored the individual contexts why they gave rise to amae relationships. The other members (#6, Day 3)‏

31. While Miss A sometimes showed disparate attitudes, she worked better. In session #7, she arranged her feelings by use of a metaphor that was offered by Th C, and in session #8, she ended up to talk a little bit of sadness for adjournment. Miss A (#7, Day 3 & #8, Day 4)‏

32. This case illustrated how a group member conveyed her own ambivalence about being loved in interpersonal relationships. And it’s an example of how a sense of helplessness impacts on people in a group. The concept of amae is useful to understand a tangled and amalgamated state of mind such as that. Discussion from the viewpoint of amae

33. Japanese way of identification with victim is more cunning, trickier and even powerful, because it creates a tangled state of mind in group as I showed above. As the confused group dynamics or group deadlock got resolved, the individual issues such as transferences, which had been concealed in this conspiracy, came up to the surface, and the process of verbalization developed. Discussion from the viewpoint of amae

34. Talking about therapeutic strategy to handle this state, indispensable are understanding ambivalence, challenge to indulgence, and especially warm sense of reality, which is the essential part for the patient to face her dissatisfaction, and words through which you can dip or shape her needs. Some technical aspects

35. Discussion about Miss A (Bucci's Multiple Code Theory)‏ • 1) Arousal phase: verbal and non-verbal messages from dissociated emotion schemas of the individual confused the other group members and evoked various reactions. • 2) Symbolizing phase: the patient recalled episodes related to recent group experiences which connected to past memories and her emotion schemas. • 3) Reorganizing phase: she was able to reconsider her own experiences using the images and words given by the group, and create her own safe space for self-discovery and reflection.

36. At the Arousal phase; she looked quite restless (in her movements, eye contacts, and facial expressions etc.,) and unconnected to anybody. At Symbolizing and Reorganizing phase; she looked more restful and connected to others. Referential activity may have some correlations with subsymbolic and interpersonal interactions with the people in the therapeutic situation. Discussion about Miss A(Bucci's Multiple Code Theory)‏

37. At these phases she could integrate more the dissociated emotion schemas with to a certain amount of pain; in other words, it was notbecause she was given enough love nor gratified with needs for sweetness, butbecause she got over her convoluted sense of, and wishes for, sweetness, through objectifying her envy, shame, guilt and other painful feelings that would have evoked bitterness in her. Discussion about Miss A(Bucci's Multiple Code Theory)‏

38. As Bion pointed out, mental growth through therapy is painful. However, as you can taste the deliciousness of bitterness in terms of those experiences, the sweetness you might have will bring you a more special taste. Concluding Remarks

39. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HOPE TO COME BACK AGAIN SOON!