THE KING'S PALACE

1. THE KING'S PALACE

2. Family Life Fellowship Seminar Family Conflicts Causes Effects Practical Solutions

3. FAMILY LIFE FELLOWSHIP TOPIC: FAMILY CONFLICTS - CAUSES, EFFECTS & PRACTICAL SOLUTION DATE & TIME:MARCH 8, 2008 3:00PM – 6:00PM (Note: lunch & socials starts at 2pm) VENUE:ROCKET CITY @ 99 On I-10W, Turn Left to 99S, shopping strip on the right side of the road (one block from 1-10) Lots of Fun for Children FREE ADMISSION! LUNCH & DINNER (BUFFET) WILL BE PROVIDED

4. Opening Welcome & Introductions!!! • Family Life Fellowship Team • Lanre (Coordinator) • Sis Bisi (Events/Program Manager) • Sis Julia (Logistics) • Sis Amaka ( Refreshment/Entertainment) • Bro Dan (Special Services) • Guests • Pastors from other churches • Bro Nnamdi to Introduce • Mrs. Abolade Durojaiye • Family Finance Management / Wealth Growth & Protection • Other visitors…

5. Agenda • Lunch Buffet 2:00 – 3:00pm • Review/Recap of Family Vision Seminar 3:00 – 3:15pm • Discussion Topic #1 3:15 – 3:30pm • Discussion Topic #2 3:30 – 3:45pm • Discussion Topic #3 3:45 – 4:00pm • Discussion Topic #4 4:00 – 4:30pm • Open Forum Q & A 4:30 – 4:50pm • Summary & Next Steps 4:50 – 4:55pm • Prayer & Closing 4:55 – 5:00pm • Family Time/Games/XD 5:00 – 6:00pm

6. Reminder - The Value of a Vision… • “When two people are together in any endeavor in life, it is only possible for them to remain unified and productive if they both share the same vision and purpose. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that every couple hoping to succeed take the time and energy to get God’s vision for their marriage.” – Jimmy Evans (Marriage Today) • Question: • How many families took some time out (at home or elsewhere) after the December Family Vision Seminar to use the materials provided to evaluate and define your Family's VISION?

7. Key Points From Last Seminar • When you get God’s vision in any area of your life it is awesome, and it is very fulfilling to see the vision unfold • Your family/marriage is more important than anything else except your relationship with God • You cannot afford to leave having a great family/marriage to chance, it requires working on your relationship

8. Key Points From Last Seminar • There is a need to obtain God’s vision for your marriage and set expectations that are high for your family in line with the vision • We must have an understanding of what it will take to accomplish the vision • We need to commit to pay the price required to accomplish the goals associated with the vision

9. Percentage of marriages that reach their 5th, 10th, 15th, 25th, 35th and 50th anniversaries: • 5th: 82% • 10th: 65% • 15th: 52% • 25th: 33% • 35th: 20% • 50th: 5% 20% Divorced b/4 5 yrs 35% Divorced b/4 10 yrs 50% Divorced b/4 15 yrs 70% Divorced b/4 25 yrs 80% Divorced b/4 35 yrs 95% Divorced b/4 50 yrs Number of people divorcing each year is over 2.5 million 8 out of 10 Marriages is under Strain and Stress!

10. Today’s Objectives • Objectives: • To conduct an open forum of discussions around issues that results in conflicts in families (i.e. between spouses, parents & children, 3rd party & extended family influence) • In sessions like this people present their “perfect side” • Don’t put up a screen • We are not here to judge anyone/family but to learn from each other • Be open to new ideas that could take your family relationships to the NEXT LEVEL

11. Forum’s Format • Well take one topic at a time and hold a facilitated discussion + Q&A around that topic for 15-20 minutes • I’ll jot down major issues arising from the discussions… • Specifically we’ll evaluate/discuss • What the Problem is… • What is/are the cause(s)? • What is/are the effects? • What can you/we do in our families to overcome this challenge?

12. Start-up Question • QUESTION: • What factors lead to conflict in family relationship, i.e. between spouses, parent & children, with 3rd party & the extended family???

13. #1: Misunderstanding • CAUSES: LACK OF / POOR COMMUNICATION • We hear about communication a lot…but what exactly is communication? • The imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs • (Unabridged Dictionary) • The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. • (American Heritage Dictionary) • Note: Communication does not occur only when you speak…

14. #1: Misunderstanding • Communication does not occur only when you speak… • Non-verbal communication makes up about 80 percent of any given conversation • “Some researchers have found that nonverbal communication accounts for as much as 80% of communication. That means if you want to improve your interpersonal relationships you must be aware of the way you communicate nonverbally.” • (www.christian-counseling-online.com) • Examples of Nonverbal Communication: • Body language • Facial expressions • Gestures • Behavior

15. #1: Misunderstanding • EFFECTS • Unclear Expectations • What does my spouse expect of me about: • e.g. • The management of our finances? • Intimacy and sexual relationship? • What does my parent/child expect of me about: • e.g. • Spending time together as a family? • Type of friends? • Not communicating expectations and bottling up discontentment • Leads to bitterness • Results in space/distance between family members Personal Example - 3 Daughters...Different Expectations

16. #1: Misunderstanding • QUESTION: • HOW THEN DO WE ENSURE THAT WE ARE COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY IN OUR FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS? • Between • Man & Wife • Parents & Children • With 3rd Parties & Extended Family

17. #1: Misunderstanding • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • Understand basic gender differences! • Men look at situation as a whole, while women rely on details and nuances (hints) • Both parties need to actively participate in the communication process to get the best result • Don’t be passive – Remember that 80% of your communication is perceived from what you do (non-verbal), rather than what you actually say • Women pick up on vibes much more easily than men! • Be open and willing to listen attentively (not passively) to each other’s thoughts and opinions in each subject areas/issue

18. #1: Misunderstanding • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • Don’t be judgmental! • Don’t try to convince the other party about what you think is right…see this as an opportunity for open dialogue (goes both ways!) in each subject area • Don’t see a time to communicate/discuss as an opportunity “prove your point”, rather as an opportunity to air your feelings/thoughts and obtain feedbacks

19. #2: Strain on Family Time (Family Time vs other activities, such as friends, ministry, work, etc) • Questions: • Should family time be a consideration in building effective relationships? • Are there commitments that results in conflicts to our time with our familiy members? • How should we respond when there is a conflict?

20. #2: Strain on Family Time (Family Time vs other activities, such as friends, ministry, work, etc) • CAUSES: • Over-commitment to “good” things/cause • Service • Ministry • Work/Assignment • Mission/Vision • Time with friends conflicting with family time • Question: • What is your opinion concerning family time vs. other activities (required or desired)

21. #2: Strain on Family Time (Family Time vs other activities, such as friends, ministry, work, etc) • EFFECTS • Unintended “distance” between family members • Not building memories • Children not truly “understanding” their parents & vice versa • Children developing unhealthy relationship • Because they find it difficult to relate in their home

22. #2: Strain on Family Time (Family Time vs other activities, such as friends, ministry, work, etc) • QUESTIONS • How can you ensure that you are spending quality time with members of your family despite the pressure of other commitments and requirements on your time?

23. #2: Strain on Family Time (Family Time vs other activities, such as friends, ministry, work, etc) • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • It is not that other activities/events are bad, the point is that you must balance your commitment to activities with your requirement to spend time together as a family • Figure out activities you can do together to spend “quality time” • Note: This may be different for different members of your family! • Take time out for vacation • It does not have to be expensive • Just change your environment and purposely relax

24. #3: Feeling UN-Appreciated • Question: • What is the expectation from women (men), when it comes to your spouse complementing you on what you wear, what you’ve done, etc. • Question: • Should you be concerned about your physical appearance?

25. #3: Feeling UN-Appreciated • CAUSES: • The other party in a relationship feel un-appreciated particularly when they’ve done something, that they feel should catch your attention • Not complementing your spouse, child, parent

26. #3: Feeling UN-Appreciated • EFFECTS • Unhappiness • Broken marriages • Infidelity

27. #3: Feeling UN-Appreciated • Question: • What can you do to show appreciation to members of your family (spouse, children, parents)?

28. #3: Feeling UN-Appreciated • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • Don’t compare your spouse to another person • Take care of your physical appearance • Your spouse may not say anything but they appreciate you looking good! • Don’t focus on the “-ves” you see in a family member, look for something to complement/commend

29. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • Question: • Does your family’s finances and the management thereof constitute a cause for concern in your home? • Do you feel like you have a clear goal from a financial point of view that you are working towards?

30. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • CAUSES: • Individual financial behaviors • Emotions • Personality • Individual attitudes about money • Impulsive buying • Excessive materialism • Preoccupation with status or social image • Lack of financial understanding • No family budget • Where there is a budget, actual expenses not tracked for follow-up • Low understanding of investment options & strategy • ROOT CAUSE: POOR FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT SKILLS • Mrs Abolade to provide some insights in a little bit…

31. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • EFFECTS • Research shows that finances have a tremendous impact on family relationships and are often the cause of marital conflict (Blood & Wolfe, 1973). • Researchers in various studies made the following observations: • Finances ranked first or second in four surveys examining the causes of marital conflict • Financial struggles are one of the main causes of divorce in first marriages

32. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • EFFECTS • One study indicated 89 percent of all divorces can be traced to financial arguments • Such research suggests that finances should be considered an important factor in the happiness and stability of the marriage relationship since it is often the cause of disagreement and divorce • Although finances have a major effect on the quality of marital relationships, few people consider it • Money is a difficult topic for married couples to discuss because it involves powerful emotions

33. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • Question • Knowing that family finance causes strain/stress in relationships, how can we manage our finances to avoid such stress in our homes? • Mention Practical Steps That You Can Take…

34. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • Understanding the connection between money and family relationships • Communicate openly, honestly, and clearly about your family’s finances • This is where your family vision tool will be extremely helpful!!! • Develop a family budget and stick to it (preferably an annual budget) • learn to distinguish between needs and wants

35. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • Improve your understand of basic financial management • Understand the Time Value of Money • Present Value • Future Value • Have a family financial plan (i.e. where do we want to be financially in 10 years, what do we need to do today to get there) • Understand investment options • Real Estate/Property investment & loan amortization • Stocks/Bonds/Mutual Funds • Evaluate the option of personal/family business ownership & act on it! • Start Small…It does not have to be a “big idea”

36. Future Value $3,600 (Invested Annually)

37. Future Value $3,600 (One Time Investment) over 20yrs @ 20% Rate of Return

38. Amortization

39. #4: Financial Stress/Strain • ROOT CAUSE: • POOR FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT SKILLS • Mrs Abolade to provide some insights on practical solutions

40. Empowerment through Financial EducationIntroduction Questions • What is the Universal language of the world? • Why does every generation have to start from scratch? • Is our legacy to the next generation one of liberation or continual bondage? • How many of us are living an abundant life right now? • What is your plan? • What small steps can we begin to take today?

41. Summary & Next Steps • Understanding these 4 issues that causes family conflicts… • Misunderstanding • Strain on family time • Feeling unappreciated • Financial stress/strain • …will go a long way in building harmony & peace in our family relationships • Mrs Abolade will be glad to visit home fellowships to discuss further • Home fellowship leaders, please coordinate with me/her to invite her at the time you are meeting if you’ll like to • Q2 Seminar (June 28th), topic is “Managing Family Finances Effectively” • It will be a time to expand on this subject from a practical point of view… • Mrs Abolade will be involved in the seminar

42. Announcement, Prayer & Closing • Announcements • XD (paid for by the church) • Have dinner (buffet) • Spend time & play some games with your family before you leave • Closing Prayer: Sis Shade Thank you for attending!!!