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Rules-II

Rules-II. Marriage and Family Interaction HPERF258 Dr. Gilbert & Wei-min Wang. Explicit (also called Overt or Known). Visible, stated clearly 10% of all family rules Have been discovered and/or talked about More formalized

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Rules-II

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  1. Rules-II Marriage and Family Interaction HPERF258 Dr. Gilbert & Wei-min Wang

  2. Explicit (also called Overt or Known) • Visible, stated clearly • 10% of all family rules • Have been discovered and/or talked about • More formalized • The forms of rules we tend to list when first asked to identify rules • Usually stand unless specifically changed

  3. Implicit (also called Covert or Unknown) • Tied to more abstract thinking • 90% of all family rules • Hidden from view • Being hidden makes them powerful • Accepted as “how things are” – basic structure of the family belief system • Also makes them more open to misinterpretation because it is often assumed that family members understand and go by rules

  4. Examples of Rules • Hurting each other • Children using alcohol and other drugs • Adults using alcohol and other drugs • Telling lies • Sex • Dating • Breaking promises • Smoking cigarettes • Privacy • Respect • Beliefs and opinions

  5. Rules & Expectations • What are some important stated rules in your family? • What are some important but unstated rules in your family? • What are some key expectations your family has on you? • If you don’t follow these rules or meet the expectations, what might happen?

  6. Other Examples of Rules • Emotion expression • Anger • Affection • Family Secret

  7. Rule sequencing • A connected series of rules • Example: • Dad has a bad day at the office • Dad comes home and criticizes Mom • Mom takes the anger out on a child • The child kicks the dog

  8. Cycles • Vicious cycles • Starting point of cycle may not be apparent • Feedback loops make the cycles hard to change and seem to “have a life of their own” • Although there may be variations, the cycles will be repeated over and over

  9. Example

  10. Punctuating rule sequences • In order to change behavior in the family, you have to “punctuate the problem” and artificially stop the behavior sequence

  11. Orders of Change • First order change – changing behavior • Largely focuses on explicit rules • Second order change – changing the beliefs, values, etc. that underlie the behaviors • First order change is largely ineffective

  12. Managing Rules • Look for underlying, deeper rules (changing superficial rules will result only in first order change) • Think in terms of changing the underlying beliefs, values, etc. • Look at rule sequences instead of individual rules

  13. Small group discussion • Reading #45 addresses “Managing a Blended Family.” In your small group, discuss how blending family rules complicates this process. How might this be made less difficult?

  14. Final Thoughts on Lecture Material • In your small group, develop a list of at least five points about the role of rules in families.

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