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FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21 ST CENTURY

FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21 ST CENTURY. UNDERSTANDING THE REALITIES! Dennis Franck, Director Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries Assemblies of God, USA. MYTHS--WHAT DO YOU THINK?. EVERYONE SHOULD GET MARRIED… SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH YOU IF NOT MARRIED SINGLE ADULTS…

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FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21 ST CENTURY

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  1. FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21ST CENTURY UNDERSTANDING THE REALITIES! Dennis Franck, Director Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries Assemblies of God, USA

  2. MYTHS--WHAT DO YOU THINK? • EVERYONE SHOULD GET MARRIED… • SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH YOU IF NOT MARRIED SINGLE ADULTS… • HAVE FEWER PROBLEMS THAN MARRIED ADULTS… • ARE LOSERS… • ARE LONELY… • ARE RICH... • ARE “ON THE PROWL”… CHRISTIANS MUST REJECT MYTHS AND STEREOTYPES ABOUT SINGLE ADULTS!

  3. 44 % U.S. ADULTS NOT MARRIED(AGE 18+) Never married 61.5 M 26.9% Divorced 23.7 M 10.4% Widowed 14.3 M6.3% 99.5 M 43.6% Separated 5.5 M 2.4% Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2010 Social & Economic Supplement                

  4. Median Age at First Marriage Men Women 2004 27.8 26.5 1990 26.1 23.9 1980 24.7 22.0 1970 23.2 20.8 1960 22.8 20.3 USA Today-July 18, 2005, 6 D-taken from the 2005 census bureau demographics

  5. Growth of Single Person Households 1900 5% of all households 1960 13% of all households 1970 17% of all households 2008 28% of all households America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2008 http://www.census.gov/Press Release/www/releases/archives/families_households/013378.html

  6. UNMARRIED HOUSEHOLDS… MARRIED HOUSEHOLDS… • Married households 20052010 • 55.2 million……………49.8 percent 51.0 percent • Unmarried households • 55.8 million ……………50.2 percent 49.0 percent • 14 million single women • 5 million single men • 36. 7 million single, “non family”- friends of same/opposite sex -Reported in 10/15/06 Yahoo News, Maxim Kniazkov U.S. CENSUS BUREAU - 2005 American Community Survey http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/afplifestyleusscociety_061015170214

  7. THE FACE OF THE FAMILY HAS CHANGED!Nuclear Family

  8. Single - Parent Family Step/Blended - Parent Family

  9. Single - Parent Families • S P households - 27. 3 % of households with children under 18 • 1 in 2 children born mid 90’s or later will live in a single parent family • 24 million children live in a home absent their father • 4 of 10 children are born to unmarried parents—(39 % in 2008) http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WomensHealth/story?id=7575268&page=1 • 43% of teens do not live with both natural parents • Nuclear families (both original parents) - 24% of all families --Goter, Susan, Strategic Adult Ministry Journal, Issue 146, 12, 13 --Horn, Wade F., President of the National Fatherhood Initiative, Gaithersburg, Md --SAM Journal, Issue 144, p 7 and Issue 146, p 13

  10. Divorce/Step/Blended Families • 8 YEARS: Average duration of 1st marriage ending in divorce • 6 YEARS: Average duration of 2nd marriage ending in divorce --American Blended Family Association --http://www.usabfa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=188238 • 23 M blended family/step-family households in U. S. • 2,100 new blended families formed daily in U. S. • 68% of blended family re-marriages fail within 6 years --Time Magazine, September 25, 2000 - “Family” Barna Research Online

  11. Divorce/Remarriage • 43 percent of first marriages divorce 1 • 60 percent of remarriages with children divorce 1 • 65 percent of remarriages with children from a • prior marriage divorce 1 • 65 percent of simple stepfamilies (1 partner with a child) • divorce 2 • 70 percent of complex stepfamilies (both partners • have children) divorce 2 • 1 January 9, 2006, Newsweek, “The ‘Familymoon’” • 2 In her book For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, Dr. Hetherington specifies the divorce rate for step-couples to be “50 percent higher in remarriages with stepchildren” Specifically, then, the divorce rate is 65-70%. (p. 178).

  12. COHABITATION-U. S. • 2007 - 6.2 million unmarried-partner households 5.5 million of the opposite sex.www.census.gov/acs/www/Products/users_guide/index.htm • Nearly half of 25 - 40 yr. olds have cohabitated • 2006 - 6 million couples now cohabitate --The National Marriage Project-Rutgers University - 2006 • 21 % of all unmarried-partner households include children –Step Family Association of America

  13. THE CHURCH MUST REACH NEW TYPES OF “FAMILIES” • SINGLE PERSON FAMILY • SINGLE PARENT FAMILY • STEP PARENT FAMILY • BLENDED PARENT FAMILY • NUCLEAR FAMILY • EXPANDED FAMILY • GRANDPARENT FAMILY • UNMARRIED PARENT FAMILY • HOMOSEXUAL PARENT FAMILY • HOMOSEXUAL/HETEROSEXUAL PARENT FAMILY

  14. IN U. S. 44% OF ALL ADULTS ARE SINGLE OR SINGLE-AGAIN! (AGE 18+) IN MANY CHURCHES, ONLY25-35%OF ADULTS ARE SINGLE/SINGLE-AGAIN! WHY DO OUR CHURCHES HAVE A SMALLER PERCENTAGE THAN SOCIETY HAS?

  15. THE NEEDS… CONSIDER THESE COMMENTS… “Out of the divorces, widowhood, the singles bars, clubs, apartment and condominiums, comes a torrent of need, and it is flowing right past the door of our churches...there is boundless talent and creativity in this flood of young adults/single adults. The church can help and it can also be helped. It can give and it can receive. OPPORTUNITY IS THERE! WHAT WILL WE DO?” -Edward & Gwen Weising, Authors of Singleness-An Opportunity for Growth and Fulfillment

  16. A SURVEY OF SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH • UNMARRIED - SINGLE, SINGLE-AGAIN… ALL AGES…18 - 98 YRS. • NEVER MARRIED • FORMERLY MARRIED • WIDOWED • SINGLE PARENT • SEPARATED

  17. SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH • MARRIED NOW BUT WERE SINGLE-AGAIN DUE TO… • DEATH OF A MARRIAGE • DEATH OF A SPOUSE

  18. SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH • HAVE A RELATIVE WHO IS… • DIVORCED • WIDOWED • NOT MARRIED-18 YRS OR OLDER • SEPARATED

  19. A Survey of Singleness If you are helping/workingin the Young Adult OR Single Adult Ministry, stay standing.

  20. SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH… BY ATTENDING… BUT WE MUST PROVIDE RELEVANT ENTRY POINTS FOR THEM!

  21. Rearing kids alone Shared parenting Relating to my former spouse Managing sexuality as a single adult Financial issues as a single Building healthy relationships with same/opposite sex Relating to spouse during separation Forgiving my former spouse Contentment as a single adult Dating/dating again Divorce Recovery Grief Recovery Learning to trust again Loneliness and singleness Singleness in a family-oriented church Finding my career Pre - marital education Re – marital education Blending families Relating to married adults as a single adult Adjusting to widowhood Healthy step-parenting UNIQUE INTERESTS/NEEDS OF SINGLE ADULTSWHERE IN THE CHURCH ARE THESE ADDRESSED?

  22. SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH…NUMERICALLY! SINGLE ADULT VS. MARRIED ADULT CLASSES # OF VISITORS OUTSIDE THE CHURCH? # OF VISITORS INSIDE THE CHURCH? USUALLY 40-60% OF SUNDAY AM VISITORS ARE SINGLE!

  23. SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH… BY GIVING TITHES AND OFFERINGS!

  24. IT’S WORTH KNOWING!… • NOT ALL SINGLE ADULTS ARE POOR! • FINANCIALLY DIVERSE GROUP… • Single parent below poverty-level line • Single adult making six-figure income • NO NEED TO CHECK WITH SPOUSE BEFORE GIVING! • GOD HAS ONLY ONE PERSON TO CONVINCE • TO TITHE! • TO GIVE TO A PROJECT! • TO GIVE TO MISSIONS!

  25. IT’S WORTH KNOWING!… • TITHERS/GIVERS IN THIS CHURCH… • % OF ALL MARRIED ADULTS ? • % OF ALL SINGLE ADULTS? • SINGLE ADULTS USE ONLY ONE SEAT! • PRINCIPLE OF SOWING AND REAPING… • Galatians 6:7 “A person will reap what he sows.”

  26. SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH… BY SERVING!

  27. CONCERNING SERVING… • I COR.7:32-35 Paul says for ministry, singleness is better! • I COR. 7: 26-28 Paul encourages singleness • Paul was single at this point

  28. SINGLE ADULTS HAVE… • MORE FREEDOM TO MAKE DECISIONS • TO SERVE • TO LEAD • MORE FLEXIBILITY WITH… • SCHEDULE • TRAVEL • LIVING LOCATION • TIME (except single parents)

  29. CONSIDER THESE COMMENTS… “Every group in the church has unique needs and gifts...children, youth, men, women, marrieds etc. Because we have put emphasis on these groups for so long, we have inadvertently forgotten the singles and have led them to believe we don't expect them to be involved in ministry. The apostle Paul said that for ministry it is better to be single! (I Cor.7: 25-35) The purpose of ministry to singles is to help them see they ARE the church and to help them come to a place of ministry.”  -David Reddout, Pastor, First Assembly of God--Leesville, LA-Adult Ministries Consultant, Assemblies of God Sunday School Department--1981-1985  

  30. PERSONAL BIASES? WHEN NOMINATING OR CHOOSING LEADERSHIP IN THE CHURCH FOR… • PASTORAL STAFF… • ELDERS… • DEACONS… • SMALL GROUP LEADERS… • ADULT CLASS TEACHERS… • Do you think of married adults first?…Why? • How many single adults fill these positions? • Does the % of single leaders equal the % of single adults in the church?

  31. MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON WHOLE OR MATURE! PEOPLE ARE WHOLE AND COMPLETE WHETHER MARRIED OR SINGLE! COL. 2:10“YOU ARE COMPLETE IN HIM!”

  32. SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH… BY BRINGING PEOPLE TO CHRIST!

  33. SINGLE ADULTS SHARING CHRIST • LOCAL OUTREACH EVENTS • FRIENDSHIP EVANGELISM • SHORT-TERM MISSIONS TRIPS • LONG-TERM MISSIONS TRIPS • IN MANY AREAS OF WORLD SINGLE ADULTS ARE SETTING THE PACE…

  34. PEOPLE WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE! • JOSEPH-Fled advances of Potiphar’s wife • LILLIAN TRASHER- Orphanage in Egypt • CORRIE TEN BOOM-Survivor of death camps • DIETRICH BONHOFFER-Writer/spiritual philosopher • GRIMKE SISTERS-First women to speak publicly against slavery in the south • MOTHER THERESA-Humanitarian • IRENA SENDLER – Polish Catholic social worker – smuggled/rescued 2500 Jewish children

  35. PEOPLE WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE! • POPE BENEDICT XVI - Leader of the Catholic world • HENRIETTA MEARS - Gospel Light Publishing founder • EVANGELINE BOOTHE - Daughter of William Booth- helped to begin the Salvation Army • CLARA BARTON - Founder of the Red Cross • APOSTLE PAUL - Greatest missionary/author • JESUS-Savior of the world THEY WERE ALL SINGLE ADULTS!

  36. THINK ABOUT IT… IN THE BEGINNING… • The first humans were created single (Gen. 2:7) IN THE END… • We will all be single-again in heaven (Matt. 22:30) IN BETWEEN… • God sent a single adult to save us (John 1:12)

  37. THREE SINGLE ADULTS WHO CHANGED THE WORLD! OUR FAITH IS BASED UPON: • A Jewish single adult from Galilee • Whose ministry was preceded by a single adult named John the Baptist • And whose mission thrust was modeled by a single adult named Paul

  38. www.youngadults.ag.org

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