Heard It Through the Grapevine

1. Nope! I heard that it is a social skill that can be developed in a healthy way! Heard It Through the Grapevine Gossiping is a character flaw Debra Disney CAMPUS of CARE Raisins video link

2. Heard It Through the Grapevine Why did the VIA committee choose to offer this presentation? Spring 2014 survey: Q4: Avoid Gossip and Spreading Rumors Q14: Speak Directly to the Person with whom I Have an Issue

3. Heard It Through the Grapevine Why did the VIA committee choose to offer this presentation? Workshops • April: MBB for Stress Management (now available on Sakai) • Sept: Assertive Communication • Oct: Conflict Resolution • Today: Heard it Through the Grapevine - Perceptions - Assuming Goodwill - Perpetuating the Grapevine

4. Heard It Through the Grapevine Why did the VIA committee choose to offer this presentation? Goal of the workshops? • Originally: Improve responses to Q4 and Q14 • Now: Develop gossip as a social skill rather than view it as a character flaw. WHAT???

5. Heard It Through the Grapevine Objectives Participants will be able to: • Define office gossip and rumors • Distinguish between helpful vs unhelpful aspects of gossip • Distinguish what information is worth passing on • Summarize the effect PERCEPTION has on choosing whether to perpetuate the grapevine

6. Heard It Through the Grapevine How would you define office gossip? • talking about people who are not present • talk is relaxed, informal, entertaining • typically the topic of conversation concerns information about which we can make moral judgments • same definition whether at work or in family/friend groups • information about the behavior and personal lives of other people http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gossip

7. Heard It Through the Grapevine Is that different from a rumor? How would you define rumor? • Harmful • Unverified • Anxiety + Information Vacuum = Rumors • Information or a story that is passed from person to person but has not been proven to be true http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rumor

8. Heard It Through the Grapevine Distinguish between helpful vs unhelpful aspects of rumors • Are rumors ever helpful?

9. Heard It Through the Grapevine Distinguish between helpful vs unhelpful aspects of gossip • Is gossip ever helpful? • If so, how?

10. Heard It Through the Grapevine “The Science of Gossip: Why We Can’t Stop Ourselves” By Frank T. McAndrew, PhD Knox College Scientific American Mind, October 1, 2008 “It helped us thrive in ancient times, and in our modern world it makes us feel connected to others – as long as it is done properly.”

11. Heard It Through the Grapevine When not done properly - the nasty, unhelpful side of gossip • In its rawest form, it is a strategy used by individuals to further their own reputations and selfish interests at the expense of others • Creates conflicting loyalties (triangles) • Can encourage resistance to management plans • Can counteract the values of an institution (MC: Integrity, Social Justice, Human Dignity)

12. Heard It Through the Grapevine When done properly, the possibly helpful side of gossip • Can indicate a sign of deep trust, signaling that you believe that this person will not use this sensitive information in a way that will have negative consequences for you • Can provide an outlet for stress, tension, anxiety • Can make work less boring • Bonds people together (those not included in the grapevine are outsiders who are not trusted or accepted by the group)

13. Heard It Through the Grapevine The possibly helpful side of gossip • When controlled, can be a positive force in the life of a group - Roy Baumeister of Florida State University - Robert Trivers, Rutgers University, Evolutionary Biologist

14. Heard It Through the Grapevine Why is it so hard for us to avoid? Ancient Mind • It helped us thrive in ancient times • Prehistoric forebears tended to live in relatively small groups, knew everyone else in a face-to-face, long-term kind of way and strangers were infrequent and temporary • Had to cooperate with the in-group members for success against out-groups • Had to compete with in-group members for limited resources • Had to remember who was a reliable exchange partner • Had to remember who was a cheater • Had to know who would be a reproductively valuable mate

15. Heard It Through the Grapevine Ancient Times People who were fascinated with the lives of others were simply more successful than those who were not, and it is the genes of those individuals that have come down to us through the ages. Like it or not, our inability to forsake gossip and information about other individuals is as much a part of who we are as is our inability to resist doughnuts or sex – and for the same reasons. • Hard-wired in our brains to be fascinated by gossip

16. Heard It Through the Grapevine In our modern world it makes us feel connected to others – as long as it is done properly!

17. Heard It Through the Grapevine Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language (Harvard University Press in 1996) Robin Dunbar, Psychologist University of Liverpool in England - Suggests that gossip is a mechanism for bonding social groups together, analogous to the grooming that is found in primate groups. • Gossip might be one of the best tools that we have for comparing ourselves socially with others, helping us to become better citizens. • Sarah R. Wert, University of Colorado at Boulder • Peter Salovey, Yale University

18. Heard It Through the Grapevine How do we distinguish which information is worth passing on? Which of these would be interesting for the grapevine? • A friend just won the lottery • An adversary just got a promotion with a hefty raise • Your beloved sister cheated on her husband • Your despised uncle was discovered embezzling money

19. Heard It Through the Grapevine Which of these would be interesting for the grapevine? • A friend just won the lottery • An adversary just got a promotion with a hefty raise • Your beloved sister cheated on her husband • Your despised uncle was discovered embezzling money

20. Heard It Through the Grapevine

21. Heard It Through the Grapevine So how can we develop the skill of “good” gossip? • Avoid the human tendency to broadcast failure and whisper success • Avoid extremes • The self-righteous person who refuses to participate in gossip tends to be isolated • The person who blabs everything tends to get a reputation as an untrustworthy busybody • Know our intentions • Am I being a good team player? • Am I sharing key information with others in a way that will not be perceived as self-serving?

22. Heard It Through the Grapevine So how can we develop the skill of “good” gossip? • Apply the “Four-Way Test” of Rotary https://www.rotary.org/en/guiding-principles 1. Is it the TRUTH? 2. Is it FAIR to all concerned? 3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS? 4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned? • Be aware of the nature of messages when using text, snap chat, FB • Understand the role perceptions plays

23. The Role Perception Plays

24. The Role Perception Plays

25. The Role Perception Plays

26. The Role Perception Plays

27. The Role Perception Plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLsIWKqWvAI

28. The Role Perception Plays Process of Perception Stimulus Selection Interpretation Behavior Gossip or not?

29. The Role Perception Plays Process of Perception Stimulus Selection Interpretation Behavior Gossip or not? ACTIVITY

30. The Role Perception Plays Process of Perception “Perception Check” to determine the accuracy and validity of perceptions • Never assume that what you perceive as the truth is the actual, absolute truth • Be aware of the limitations of the process of perception • Assume Goodwill Ask yourself: Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person think, feel, or act this way? (This leads to curiosity) vs What is the worst and most hurtful way I can take this? (This leads to defensiveness)

31. Summary • Acknowledge that gossip might serve a useful purpose, if done skillfully • Improve the quality of perceptions, so that we can decide what information is helpful to pass through the grapevine • Be honest with yourself regarding your intent in listening to or spreading gossip. • Apply the “Four-Way Test” of Rotary: 1. Is it the TRUTH? • Is it FAIR to all concerned? • Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS? 4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?