Writing FROM real life

1. Writing FROM real life Beth Fehlbaum

2. The Tough Stuff is Rooted in Truth I wrote my first book, Courage in Patience, as a therapeutic assignment. •   I was inspired to write this story by my own recovery from childhood sexual abuse. In the process of working through my own grief, disbelief, and anger, I was writing poems and short stories, and sharing them with my (long-suffering) therapist. One day, he suggested that I try writing a novel. •      It took me about four months of starting and stopping, always ending up in the same place: stuck inside myself-- until one day I became so sick of the scenery that I decided to try to imagine what it would have been like if I had been able to get out of the abusive situation I was in at age 15-- instead of remaining in it much longer. What if a young girl in that situation had a father who had allowed his own shame at being a lousy dad to keep him away for her entire life, as Ashley's father, David does? AND- what if he was able to come through for her in a way he never thought he could, when she needed him the most? • In the process of knocking down the walls I had built around myself,  I found Ashley Nicole Asher, age 15, and Patience, Texas, a tiny East Texas town populated with people who can be found anywhere, dealing with the same problems that all people must face, whether they want to admit it or not.

3. Basic Themes in Hope in Patience ·     Sexual abuse is devastating to the victim and has long-term effects. ·         Intolerance of others’ differences causes people to be isolated.  ·         It is difficult but not impossible to overcome early trauma in our lives.  Suicide and suicide ideation are ways that people in pain sometimes use to try to cope, but there are positive alternatives.  ·         It is common for victims of sexual abuse to practice self-harm, but there are positive choices for coping. ·         Gay and lesbian issues often have generational reactions. How my own life relates to the themes in Hope *I was sexually abused from age 8 to 14, when I told my mother that my stepfather had been molesting me. He had always threatened to leave her if I told, and that I would have to tell her why he left. She did not act on my outcry. He did not leave. *I was a quirky, awkward kid, probably because of the guilt and shame I felt about my body and what was happening every night when my stepdad sneaked into my room. I was bullied and teased at school. I used the memory of being in that position and my experience as a teacher and seeing how children ostracize each other to create the situations in the book. * I contemplated suicide many times throughout my teen years and during the darkest days of recovery. See me reading a letter to my teen self in this video. * I would often scratch my scalp and drag my nails up my inner arms when I was angry. I also pulled my own hair . I did not, however, scratch myself as much or as often as Ashley does. I developed a binge-eating/bulimia disorder in my teens, and continued practicing it until I went into recovery at age 38. I still struggle with it, much as any person with a serious disorder does. Self-mutilation and eating disorders are very common in victims of sexual abuse. * The first year I taught, I had a student named Krystle. She made such an impression on me that I never forgot her. We reconnected when she was 24, and it was through talking to her about her experiences as a gay teen in a small town that the character of Krystle “K.C.” Williamson was born.

4. The patience Trilogy • When I finished writing COURAGE IN PATIENCE, I thought I was finished with the story. But, as my therapist pointed out, I wasn’t. Ashley (and I) still hadn’t accepted what had happened in the past. • This is how HOPE IN PATIENCE came to be. This time, unlike with the first book, when I wrote the last sentence of the novel, I knew that Ashley’s story was not finished. • BUT- • I, as a person, was not yet in the place I needed to be– that place of letting go of the hope I’d held out that my mother would come around—to be able to jump into writing the end of the story. I needed to be able to face what I had feared the most, which is that no matter how hard I worked in therapy, it was possible that my mom would never evolve into believing, “Hey, I need my daughter in my life, and I’m willing to go through the painful journey it will be in order to own my part in this.” • SO- • I did not write TRUTH IN PATIENCE, the last book in THE PATIENCE TRILOGY, until I was ready to face that reality—or at least get as close to it as I could. Writing TRUTH IN PATIENCE helped me get to that place. • .

5. Responses to the Patience Books Hope in Patience: "The author is to be applauded for her courageous and accurate portrayal of the many small steps that lead toward psychological healing. It is Ashley's friendships with other 'misfits' that help Ashley understand that she, too, deserves love. This book will open hearts and might well save lives.“ - School Library Journal “...Ashley will have readers rooting for her.“ -- Publisher's Weekly Hope in Patience is a 2011 YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers . Courage in Patience: "..Ashley's self-destructive tendencies, conflicted feelings and struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder read authentically.." --Publisher’s Weekly “This hard-hitting but readable story about an infinitely troubling subject will resonate with all readers but especially with other survivors of abuse or with those who work with those survivors. “ --Booklist

6. eXPLORING the issue of self-worth LED TO THE BIRTH OF BIG FAT DISASTER. Explore BIG FAT DISASTER here: http://bethfehlbaumbooks.com/big-fat-disaster.html Colby Denton's family is a "package deal". That's what her dad, a candidate for the U.S. Senate running on a “Family Values” platform, calls his wife, a former Miss Texas, and three daughters: Rachel, Colby, and Drew. Rachel and Drew inherited their mother's traditional beauty, but Colby takes after her father, a linebacker on his college football team. Colby finds a photo of her father kissing another woman, and within hours, Colby's father admits that he is in love with his mistress. But that’s not all he’s been up to; he’s also been stealing from his campaign, and his investment company has been defrauding investors so that he can support his secret lifestyle. His wife and daughters are not only the objects of media speculation; they're left homeless, too. The only person willing to provide them a place to live is Colby's eccentric Aunt Leah, resident of Piney Creek, a tiny East Texas town, the black sheep of her image-conscious family, and mother to Ryan, the only player on his football team with the courage to report a girl’s sexual assault at a party. His teammates are out for revenge, and Ryan has a grudge against the world. Piney Creek, Texas is tiny: Kindergarten through 12th grades are in the same building! But the social media network is huge, as Colby discovers. Her mother blames her binge eating and resulting weight problem for attracting negative attention, and Colby is driven to desperate measures. Tragedy ensues, and Colby keeps a secret out of fear that her mother will reject her once more if she finds out the truth. At last, Colby must confront the truth about the tragedy, her role in the destruction of her family, and the eating disorder that will eventually kill her if she does not learn to cope in other ways.

7. Availability of my Books • Update on The Patience Trilogy: • The publishers of Courage in Patience and Hope in Patience, respectively, went out of business within a year of publishing the books. • HOWEVER, exciting things are happening and I can give you an update now! • Big Fat Disaster is widely available online and in stores. It’s available in hardcover, ebook, and the paperback is coming out in September, 2015. • Big Fat Disaster was named to the 2015-2016 Spirit of Texas-High School reading list, which is very significant AND very cool!