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Explore the definition and expressions of anger, anger cycle, purpose, and benefits of anger, constructive use, self-management, and responding to anger in others with a fictitious case scenario.
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All Fired Up Anger is the second emotion
Agenda • Case Scenario • Definition of anger • Expressions of anger • Anger Cycle • Purpose of anger • Benefits of anger • Using anger constructively • Self Management • Listening • Responding to anger in others • Q & A
Fictitious Case Scenario Rick (Sr. Mgr. Acme Tech. Ltd) Les (former -employee) Pat (mediator) Erin (Jr. Mgr. Acme Tech Ltd Not present)
Definition of Anger • An agitated and often hostile state of arousal, varying in intensity, that is emotional, physiological, and cognitive in nature, originating from a perceived threat or sense of wrongdoing.
Expressions of anger • Direct: annoyed, irritated, fed up, exasperated • Indirect: disappointed, guilty, depressed, hopeless • Repressed: sarcasm, passive aggressive behaviour, “forgetting”, physical symptoms or accidents
Anger Cycle Crisis Phase Escalation Phase Recovery Phase Post Crisis Phase Event-Trigger Judgement/Intelligence Creativity
What is the purpose of anger? • Anger acts as a secondary emotion, emerging in response to the stress of another emotional state that is experienced as more uncomfortable than anger. (Susskind,Field, 1996)
Painful emotions • Loss • Grief • Shame • Hurt • Anxiety • Unworthiness • Unmet needs or desires
Using Anger Constructively • A strong signal that gets our attention. • Motivation to act, make changes and confront anxiety producing situations that we might otherwise avoid. • Energy to continue pursuing problems and provocations until they are resolved.
Benefits of Anger • The body recovers faster from the stress hormones released from anger than it does to those released from fear. • Anger increases feelings of certainty and control. Fear enhances feeling of uncertainty and loss of control.
Responding to anger in others • Respond with empathy and acknowledgment. • Don’t try to “reason” a person into calming down. • Allow the other person the right to their own feelings of anger. • Put a ? between you and the angry person. Stay curious.
Staying curious www.joyofconflict.com 2010
Self Management • 1) STOP (our impulses are seldom helpful) • 2) RELAX (and breathe) • 3) REASSURE yourself • 4) REFOCUS on the issue
Listening:Defensive vs. Acknowledging • Acknowledging • 1) Paraphrase facts- • “so you are saying you tried to call but couldn't reach them” • “sounds like you are swamped right now” • “from your perspective , I haven’t followed through” • 2) Acknowledge feelings (empathy) – • “you sound really pissed off about the new vacation schedule” • “that wait must have been frustrating for you” • “you seem disappointed in your performance review” • 3) Identify unmet needs (reframe what lies unsaid and beneath the surface) • “so you need to be in the loop on future discussions” • “you want your professionalism to be respected” • “financial security is important to you”