Building Resiliency in Your Child

1. Building Resiliency in Your Child CHANTILLY HIGH SCHOOL Doug Lipp, Ph.D. School Psychologist E.J. Stapler, M.S. School Counselor Debbie Wolin, M.Ed. School Counselor

2. Outline of Presentation • Welcome and Introductions • Resiliency and Stressors for Today’s Youth (and Parents) • A Critical Challenge-Youth Depression and Suicide Risk and What You Can Do to Address this Issue • Seven Specific Strategies to Build Resilience and Positive Self-Esteem and Competence in Your Youngster • Q & A

3. What Exactly is Resiliency???? The capacity for successful adaptation Despite challenging circumstances

4. In other words, overcoming adversity Or, simply put, HANDLING STRESS WELL

5. Question: Can we avoid stress, and is it really necessary?

6. Question: What are some stressors facing youth (and their parents) today? At school? In the family? From the media? In society/the world?

7. Youth Depression and Suicide Risk-A Critical Issue • Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youth aged 15-24 in Virginia.

8. Magnitude of the Problem In Virginia: • There is an average of one youth suicide per week ranging from 53-59 per year (CDC data) Fairfax County Youth Survey 2008: • Almost 15% of 8th, 10th, and 12th grade students participating in the survey reported they had considered attempting suicide during the past 12 months. • This percentage is slightly higher than the 2007 reported national average.

9. Depression & Suicide • 2008 Fairfax County Youth Survey Results: 30.8% of the responding youth reported that, during the past 12 months, they felt so sad or hopeless almost every day for two weeks or more at a time that they stopped doing some usual activities. The national average is 28.5%. • The single largest cause of suicide is untreated or under-treated depression, leaving almost a third of our Fairfax youth vulnerable.

10. Magnitude of the Problem, continued Just released Fairfax County Youth Survey, 2010: Overall depression (8th, 10th, 12th graders)=32.2% Notable, 12th graders=35.3% Even 6th graders=22.5% Highest as a ‘group’=Hispanics=40.8% Recall, national average (2007) was 28.5%

11. What is Depression? 11 • Depression is associated with a wide variety of problems including social withdrawal, academic disability, and interpersonal turmoil.

12. How Depression Feels for Students

13. Signs of Depression 13 • Sad, hopeless, discouraged, looks like they are ready to cry, somatic complaints • In children and adolescents it is usually displayed as an irritable or cranky mood • Loss of interest in hobbies or activities • Appetite is usually reduced and may force their self to eat • Inability to sit still, pacing, or decreased motor activity • Sense of worthlessness or guilt may include unrealistic negative views of one’s self or ruminations over minor past failings

14. Signs of Depression 14 • Inability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions • In children a large drop in grades may reflect poor concentration • Frequent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, or suicidal attempts

15. Specific for Children 15 • Somatic complains, irritability, social withdrawal • Isolation, lethargy, sleeping more • Girls are at a higher risk for depression during and after the onset of puberty • Many symptoms of depression are similar to ADHD • For children, it is a CLUSTER of symptoms not usually limited to one

16. Cultural Differences 16 • Western culture values positive emotions, and feeling good about oneself, independent and autonomous, and depression is either in the body or the mind • Non-western culture depression is a result of interpersonal difficulties, more holistic where mind and body are connected.

17. What Are Possible Causes 17 • Stress – More complex than one instance • The role it plays: degree and duration of symptoms, recovery, relapse • Life Events • Can depression only be triggered by major life events or is a series of chronic minor life events sufficient?

18. What Are Possible Causes 18 • Students who irrationally expect too much of their self, other people, or life in general are likely to be disappointed and become depressed • Hopelessness is caused by the expectation that highly desired outcomes will not occur or that highly aversive outcomes will occur and that no response available to the individual will change the likelihood of these outcomes

19. What Are Possible Causes 19 • People who are depressed push people away through their interactions because they elicit irritability and anger from their peers. Once they remove their selves from interaction, the depressed person interprets these interactions as rejection. • History of depression in a family may increase the chances of depression in children. This can be through genetic predisposition or through a learned model by observing other family members experiencing depression.

20. Risk Factors for Suicide 20 • Mental illness and substance abuse • Previous suicide attempts • Firearms in the household • Non-suicidal self-injury • Exposure to friend’s or family member’s suicidal behavior • Low self-esteem • Recent losses – relationships, friends, grades, family members, etc.

21. Warning Signs of Suicide 21 I – Ideation S – Substance Abuse P – Purposelessness A – Anxiety T – Trapped H – Hopelessness W – Withdrawal A – Anger R – Recklessness M – Mood Changes

22. Focus on Ideation 22 • Ideation is defined as self-reported thoughts of engaging in suicide or suicidal behaviors • At home, ideation may be expressed in journals, notes and/or in conversations with you • Ideation may be expressed through terminal states – “I wish I were dead” “People would just be better off without me”

23. SIX STEPSTo Helping Your Teen 23 • Establish a connection • In a caring, non-confrontational way, ask the question, “Are you think about suicide?” • Ask your child whether he/she has a plan. If so, REMOVE THE PLANNED METHOD AND ANY OTHER LETHAL WEAPONS OR MEDICATIONS • Do not leave him or her alone until you get help • Offer some comforting things to say • Get help

24. Protective Factors 24 • Family Connectedness and school connectedness • Reduced access to firearms • Safe schools • Academic achievement • Self-esteem

25. Why We Need to Build Resiliency In Our Students

26. How can Parents build Resilience and Self-Esteem? Two key questions: • What is the purpose of parenting? • When should you start the process?

27. The Wisdom of Calvin & Hobbes Depression Awareness 2010 - R.G.T

28. A Common Parent Challenge LETTING-GO ANXIETY!

29. Parenting is a TOUGH JOB! Parents need to: • Support • Love • Accept • Provide structure and limits • Allow freedom to make choices, but value unconditionally • Have high expectations, but know the warning signs of when ‘enough is enough’ (anxiety, depression, drugs, etc.) • Modify and attune everything to the personality style and strengths and limitations of each child • Phew!

30. Depression Awareness 2010 - R.G.T

31. Good News In general, every youngster needs some other things after their basic need for: shelter food clothing (and texting minutes?!) • Born with a built-in ‘Mastery Motivation’ • Normal developmental drive in adolescence is for Identity and Independence (and hopefully, more responsibility)

32. A useful, hopeful theory Motivational Theory: Everyone has three needs, beyond the basics: • To belong • To feel competent • To feel autonomous

33. Key Questions for Parents and other Caring Adults To belong, how do we create opportunities for youngsters to “join” and make a contribution? To feel competent, how do we ‘showcase’ youngsters’ talents? To feel autonomous, how can we provide choices, encourage decision-making and problem-solving?

34. Parenting is NOT THAT EASY Remember ‘Letting-Go Anxiety’? But ‘Helicoptor Parents’ or ‘Snow-Plow Parents’ foster ‘Robo-Students’ There is a big difference between achieving success and Being a successful achiever

35. Seven Specific Ways Parents can Foster Resilience Remember the definition of Resiliency? Defining Self-Esteem is also useful: The appreciation of one’s own worth and importance And Having the character to be accountable for oneself and to act responsibly towards others

36. More about Self-Esteem The concept of Self-Esteem also includes: • The feelings & beliefs that individuals have about their competence and worth • Their sense of their ability to make a difference (that is, influence the world around them) • Their capacity to confront and master challenges • Their capacity to learn from both success and failure

37. What Self-Esteem is NOT Self-centeredness or selfishness

38. Self Affirmation

39. Remember some of the keys to feeling depressed or considering suicide: • Hopelessness • Worthlessness • Helplessness • Aloneness and isolation • Failure and loss

40. Seven Specific Ways Parents Can Foster Resilience • Take care of the BASICS • Teach and model Problem-Solving • Enable (in a good way) independence and responsibility • Encourage your youngster to define and reinforce their strengths & validate, support and praise them for recognizing and building on them • Accept your children for who they are and help them set realistic expectations and goals • Provide opportunities for them to make a contribution • Possess and encourage a sense of humor

41. 1) Take care of the BASICS • Sleep (FCPS Youth Survey, 2010, 90% got 8 hours or less, 37% got 6 or less) • Diet and Nutrition (Youth Survey 2010, only 25% at the recommended 5 fruits/vegetables per day, and this decreases with age) • Exercise (42% got 60 minutes of physical activity at least 5 of 7 days, again, this decreases with age) • Encourage interests, especially ‘flow activities’ e.g., reading, drawing, running, hiking, biking, playing music, NOT videogaming

42. 2) The IDEAL Problem-Solving Model I-Identify the problem D-Describe the options (brainstorm possible solutions) E-Evaluate the consequences of your choices, that is, what are the ‘pros’ and ‘cons’? A-Act L-Learn from your actions, that is, ask yourself, “How did it turn out?” *Problems are inevitable and are to be solved

43. 3) Enable Independence and Responsibility • Example (helps with ‘Letting-Go Anxiety & fostering positive control): Look at family life as a pie with three pieces Non-negotiable family rules Negotiable situations or issues Areas/choices totally up to the youngster

44. 4) Encourage your youngster to define and reinforce their strengths and validate, support & praise them Opportunity to feel worthwhile and successful Idea is not to deny or ‘run away’ from problematic areas This strategy is especially important with youngsters with a disability (e.g., LD or ED) Note the words of Dr. Bernie Siegel

45. 5) Accept your children for who they are & help them set realistic expectations and goals • May require some self-reflection • Try to find a balance between Authoritarian and Laissey-faire………..more Authoritative or Directive • Example: Everyone needs goals. What a given youth’s are and how to reach them may be more up to them

46. 6) Provide opportunities to make a contribution Ways to feel helpful vs. helpless, connected vs. isolated What are some examples At home? At school? In the community?

47. 7) Possess & encourage a sense of humor • Everything is NOT life or death • The front page of the paper is often hilarious, depending on how you look at it • Remember the words of Dr. Jimmy Buffett • And, remember Zorro……….(add cartoon)

48. Zorro as a Child Depression Awareness 2010 - R.G.T

49. Thank You

50. Your RESPONSE Team • Doug Lipp, Ph.D., School Psychologist, Team Co-Leader • EJ Stapler, M.S., School Counselor, Team Co-Leader • Kristina Crawford, NCSP, School Psychologist • Amy Deemer, MSW, School Social Worker • Peter Gould, Ph.D., School Psychologist • Carrie Jones, LCSW, School Social Worker • Sarah Quinn, R.N., Health & Medical Science Instructor • Debbie Wolin, M.Ed., School Counselor