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Crucial Conversations™

Crucial Conversations™. A Presentation for Academic Leaders February 3, 2011. Agenda. Defining “crucial conversations” Case studies Clarifying your goal Making it safe for dialogue Using S.T.A.T.E. to open discussion Re-visiting case studies.

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Crucial Conversations™

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  1. Crucial Conversations™ A Presentation for Academic Leaders February 3, 2011

  2. Agenda • Defining “crucial conversations” • Case studies • Clarifying your goal • Making it safe for dialogue • Using S.T.A.T.E. to open discussion • Re-visiting case studies

  3. What is a “Crucial Conversation”? A conversation where 3 elements are present: • Opposing opinions • Strong emotions • High stakes

  4. The Goal is Dialogue Safety Me Others Shared meaning Safety

  5. Case Study Discussions Choose a situation and discuss what makes it difficult and how you’ve handled it: • A faculty member who consistently belittles colleagues in meetings under the guise of intellectual give-and-take. • An assistant professor who isn’t “on track” for tenure but believes she is. • A staff member who doesn’t get along with other staff in the office, causing frequent squabbles.

  6. Productive Goals Learn Find the truth Get results Strengthen relationships Unproductive Goals Be right Win Look good Keep the peace Punish Avoid conflict Clarifying Your Goal

  7. Two Key Questions • What do you want? • What are you acting like you want?

  8. Signs that Others Don’t Feel Safe • “Silence” behaviors Withhold information from the “pool” • “Violence” behaviors Force information into the “pool”

  9. “Silence” Behaviors • Masking • Understating, sugarcoating, couching, sarcasm • Avoiding • Talking, but not about the tough subject • Withdrawing • Pulling out of the conversation, sometimes literally

  10. “Violence” Behaviors • Controlling • Forcing one’s opinion, cutting others off, overstating one’s case, using absolutes • Labeling • Putting an unpleasant name on people or ideas so they can be dismissed • Attacking • Hurting others through name-calling, belittling, personal attacks

  11. What causes people to feel unsafe? • Lack of Mutual Purpose They are unclear about or mistrust your motives, or see your goal and theirs as mutually exclusive. • Lack of Mutual Respect They don’t feel respected or valued by you.

  12. How to Restore Safety When safety is at risk… • Recognize what’s going on and why. • Step out of the content temporarily. • Build safety. • Get back into dialogue.

  13. Three Techniques for Re-building Safety • If you’re at fault, apologize. • When your intentions have been misunderstood, contrast. • When you have conflicting goals, find a mutual purpose.

  14. Contrasting A contrasting statement clarifies two things: • What you ARE NOT talking about • What you ARE talking about

  15. Contrasting Example “I’d like to talk to you about your comments at the faculty meeting. Right now I’m not interested in pursuing the issue you articulated. I am interested in discussing the language you used to present it.”

  16. Find a Mutual Purpose • Explore the purpose beneath the stated goal. Stated goal (position) Purpose (why they want what they want)

  17. Active Listening Skills • Use positive body language. • Minimize interruptions. • Ask probing questions. • Paraphrase to check understanding. • Respond to both content and emotion.

  18. Find a Mutual Purpose • Seek a solution to satisfy both your purpose and theirs, OR create a new purpose you both can agree to. • Avoid “give in” or “dig in” behaviors. • Work toward creative solutions.

  19. Use S.T.A.T.E. To Open Dialogue • S – Share your facts • T – Tell your “story” • A – Ask for their view • T – Talk tentatively • E – Encourage testing What to do How to do it

  20. When in Dialogue… • Be specific about what happened. Avoid watering down the facts. • Be honest and respectful. • Discuss what’s recent and relevant. • Watch for signals that the other person feels unsafe, and take appropriate action. • Employ active listening skills.

  21. Cases Re-visited • A faculty member who consistently belittles colleagues in meetings under the guise of intellectual give-and-take. • An assistant professor who isn’t on track but believes she is. • A staff member who doesn’t get along with other staff in the office, causing frequent squabbles.

  22. Resources • Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler • crucialconversations.com

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