Getting Started “ Write ” in Writing

1. Getting Started “Write” in Writing James Elementary Writing Plan for 3rd and 4th 2010-2011

2. What’s New In 2010/2011 • The Florida Writes will be scored by one scorer. • A 4 is considered proficient instead of a 3 • No…More…MAP! For grades 2-5 will have three benchmarks that should show increases in students’ writing scores.

3. 2009/2010 Writing Results • 94% of 4th graders here at James passed with a 3 or higher • 80% of 4th graders passes with a 4 or higher • Decrease of 5 points

4. Trends of 2009/2010 4th Graders • Lack of Organization- BMME • Overuse of Dialogue • No Stamina • Frequent Misspelled-high frequency words • Did not own any Elaboration • Not Enough?

5. Writer’s Workshop • Writing should occur everyday in grades Kg-5th grade • K and 1st should have at least 30 minutes • 2nd-5th should have at least 45 minutes to 1 hour.

6. Crafts • Sensory Details • Specific Details • Vivid Verbs • Simile • Metaphor • Purposeful Dialogue • Alliteration • Purposeful Repetition • Strong Nouns • Personification • Onomatopoeia • Use of facts • Hyperbole/Exaggeration

7. Attributes • -size, shape, color, number, • -temperature, location • -direction, weight, texture • -symmetry, movement • -composition, function, • -habitat, orientation, age

8. Sentence Variety • -dash, comma, phrase, • -semi-colon, colon, ellipsis, • -parenthesis, conjunctions, • (Length, Style, Structure)

9. Voice • -turn of phrase, • -humorous word choice, • -cliché, caps, bold text, • -ellipsis, word choice, • -dialogue, thoughtshot, • -parenthesis or dash to add • Opinion or sidebar idea • -slang, hyperbole, • -hyphenate to s-p-e-l-l

10. Transitions • -time, connections, events • -setting, cause & effect, • -comparisons, differences, • -alternatives, emphasis, • -location, direction

11. How to get Started • Teachers will have a 1st- 10 days of schools format. • We will introduce elaboration descriptions along with crafts.

12. What is Elaboration? • Elaboration is the only way for students to hit a solid “4”. • Elaboration is when a student takes a “seed” moment and stretches it to paint a picture it in the readers’ mind.

13. What We Saw

14. Bare BoneThis is when the students stays on topic but not enough details Example: Today the principal said she will be picking the 4th graders to make lunch for the school. If we do bad we will have to do a lot of pencil and paper work. The principal called on the intercom and said you guys are responsible for lunch. We said ok and we started to cook. It was good.

15. ExtensionsThis is when the student just starts listing ideas Example: This story is about a principal who gave permission for the 4th graders to make lunch for the whole school. I will bring a lot of stuff like cookies, chips, and pizza. For the teachers I will make chicken, popcorn, ribs, and icecream sundaes. I will bring so much stuff that I will be broke for a week.

16. Layered ElaborationThe student starts to elaborate then veers off the main idea Example: I was making lunch for the whole school. I will make sure it is delicious and good. First I need the menu ready: Mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and mixed vegetables. I sniffed the aroma and it was fantastic. The line came and it was as long as a boa constrictor. A boy tried to skip the line and I said, “No skipping”. For dessert I will serve Jell-O cubes. Yummy! Everyone said they enjoyed the delicious food. They asked who made it and I said it was me. I told them I had a secret recipe for the spaghetti ( my own special sauce.)

17. ElaborationThe student included: addition details using different types of Elaboration Descriptions Example: We decided to make pizza. First we must rolled the dough into a perfect circle. Then we must spread the spicy tomatoes sauce on the dough. I dipped my finger in the sauce to make sure it wasn’t too spicy. Next we chop up all the vegetables: mushrooms, onions, red and green peppers. While we are chopping the vegetables, we have to make sure we preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Opps! I forgot the cheese. I pulled the block of mozzarella out of the huge cafeteria refrigerator and shredded the cheese into tiny pieces. I carefully picked up the wiggly pieces of cheese and sprinkled it evenly all of the pizza making sure that every area was covered. I placed the pizza into the oven and set the timer on twenty minutes. Walla! The perfect pizza. The students are going to love it!

18. Types of Elaboration

19. What is a “Seed” Moment When we look at writing this year, we will look at a topic as a watermelon. We will teach the students to make the moment smaller,” a seed”. Thus, having elaboration!!!

20. Character Descriptions • Moment/Action Description • Setting Description • Object Description • Emotion Description • Anecdotes • How-to’s

21. Character Description A character description is when the writer, paints a picture of that character including: their appearance and actions they do.

22. Example of Character Description Sandy Koufax had pitched that perfect game in1965. A perfect game. No runs, no hits, no errors. Each hitter came to the plate, swung, and struck out, one after another until the game was won. Sandy had pitched four career no hitters. He led the National League in shutouts three times, in strikeouts four times, in wins three times. He made six All-Star appearances, won the National League Most Valuable Player Award in 1963, was World Series MVP twice – once in 1963 and again in that golden year of 1965’s perfect game. From The Aurora County All-Stars by Deborah Wiles page 77

23. What Crafts Do You See? Sandy Koufax had pitched that perfect game in1965. A perfect game. No runs, no hits, no errors. Each hitter came to the plate, swung, and struck out, one after another until the game was won. Sandy had pitched four career no hitters. He led the National League in shutouts three times, in strikeouts four times, in wins three times. He made six All-Star appearances, won the National League Most Valuable Player Award in 1963, was World Series MVP twice – once in 1963 and again in that golden year of 1965’s perfect game. From The Aurora County All-Stars by Deborah Wiles page 77

24. Specific Details

25. Moment/Action Description The ability to EXPLODE A MOMENTby manipulating words or phrases to develop and support the main idea. The ability to take a “seed” moment and tell everything that is happening. That moment could be 5 minutes or as little a 5 seconds!!!

26. Example of a Moment/Action Description It took ten seconds to set up the lemonade stand. Evan unfolded the chairs and set one on each side of the cooler. Scott tilted the sign toward the street for maximum effect. Then they both sat down.

27. Man, it is hot," said Evan. He took off his baseball cap and wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt. Then he grabbed an ice cube from the cooler, balanced it on his head, and stuck his cap back on."Yeah," said Scott. "I'm thirsty." He reached into the paper bag and pulled out a cup. It was one of those large red plastic cups that vendors use at professional baseball games.

28. Then Scott took one of the pitchers from the cooler and filled the cup to the brim with lemonade."Hey, not so much," said Evan, pouring himself a cup, too, but only partway. He glugged down half his drink. Not bad, he thought. The Lemonade War by Jacqueline Davies page 29

29. Example of a Moment/Action Description It took ten seconds to set up the lemonade stand. Evan unfolded the chairs and set one on each side of the cooler. Scott tilted the sign toward the street for maximum effect. Then they both sat down.

30. Man, it is hot," said Evan. He took off his baseball cap and wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt. Then he grabbed an ice cube from the cooler, balanced it on his head, and stuck his cap back on."Yeah," said Scott. "I'm thirsty." He reached into the paper bag and pulled out a cup. It was one of those large red plastic cups that vendors use at professional baseball games.

31. Then Scott took one of the pitchers from the cooler and filled the cup to the brim with lemonade."Hey, not so much," said Evan, pouring himself a cup, too, but only partway. He glugged down half his drink. Not bad, he thought. The Lemonade War by Jacqueline Davies page 29

32. Vivid Verbs This craft made this one moment a movie in the readers’ mind.

33. Setting Description This type of elaboration allows the reader to visualize the scenery that the writer is trying to create.

34. Emmy walked quickly down the narrow alley, Her footsteps echoing off the walls that rose on either Side of her like a canyon of sooty brick. A smell of overripe fruit and spoiled meat curled up from the Brimming trash cans. But then there was light again, and a central triangle of patchy grass like a little park, and a wonderful maze of backstreets that she had never seen before, crammed with shops.

35. Emmy gazed around, delighted. Miss Barmy had only taken her to stores where mannequins wore expensive suits and jewelers spoke in quiet voices over glass countertops. These shops were–well shabbier, but they looked a lot more interesting. She wandered by a candy store, its window filled With colorful jars– peppermints, gumdrops, chocolate nibbles, all packed full of sugar, and not atofu bar in sight! From Emmy and the Incredible Shrinking Rat by Lynne Jonell page 28 - 29

36. Sensory Details This passage is great for what the character sees, hear, and taste

37. Emmy walked quickly down the narrow alley, Her footsteps echoing off the walls that rose on either Side of her like a canyon of sooty brick. A smell of overripe fruit and spoiled meat curled up from the Brimming trash cans. But then there was light again, and a central triangle of patchy grass like a little park, and a wonderful maze of backstreets that she had never seen before, crammed with shops.

38. Emmy gazed around, delighted. Miss Barmy had only taken her to stores where mannequins wore expensive suits and jewelers spoke in quiet voices over glass countertops. These shops were–well shabbier, but they looked a lot more interesting. She wandered by a candy store, its window filled With colorful jars– peppermints, gumdrops, chocolate nibbles, all packed full of sugar, and not a tofu bar in sight! From Emmy and the Incredible Shrinking Rat by Lynne Jonell page 28 - 29

39. Object Description This type of elaboration takes an object and describes it so the reader is able to visualize the object in their mind.

40. The house was half one thing, half another– white siding above and brick below. It looked heavy on the bottom. Bright green turf, like on an artificial football field, covered the porch and the steps leading to the door. An American flag fluttered on a pole sticking out from the front of the house. The roses stood straight–like if they got out of line they would loose recess. The grass looked like Dad’s hair after a trip to the barber, short and perfectly trimmed around the edges… From Brendan Buckley’s Universe And Everything In It by Sundee T. Frazier page 45-46

41. Attributes This passage is great for size, shape, and symmetry

42. Example of Object Description The house was half one thing, half another– white siding above and brick below. It looked heavy on the bottom. Bright green turf, like on an artificial football field, covered the porch and the steps leading to the door. An American flag fluttered on a pole sticking out from the front of the house. The roses stood straight–like if they got out of line they would loose recess. The grass looked like Dad’s hair after a trip to the barber, short and perfectly trimmed around the edges… From Brendan Buckley’s Universe And Everything In It by Sundee T. Frazier page 45-46

43. Emotion Description This type of description, not only describes what the character is doing, but also how they feel.

44. Now Gladys is my only grandparent, because my other grandma died right after I was born and I’ve never met my other grandpa. Mom doesn’t talk to him. Or about him, either, which makes me wonder what happened. But I guess I can’t miss someone I’ve never ever known. The one time I asked where he was, she bit on her lip and her forehead bunched up like when she cut her thumb and had to get stitches. She just said, “Gone,” and that we’d talk about it when I was older. So that’s the One Thing I know not to ask questions about. From Brendan Buckley’s Universe And Everything In It by Sundee T. Frazier page 3

45. Sentence Variety This passage is perfect for showing commas and lengths of sentences

46. Example of Emotion Description Now Gladys is my only grandparent, because my other grandma died right after I was born and I’ve never met my other grandpa. Mom doesn’t talk to him. Or about him, either, which makes me wonder what happened. But I guess I can’t miss someone I’ve never ever known. The one time I asked where he was, she bit on her lip and her forehead bunched up like when she cut her thumb and had to get stitches. She just said, “Gone,” and that we’d talk about it when I was older. So that’s the One Thing I know not to ask questions about. From Brendan Buckley’s Universe And Everything In It by Sundee T. Frazier page 3

47. Anecdotes An anecdote is a story within a story. It is ideal for expository pieces because it allows the writer to tell a story after explaining the purpose of their writing.

48. Example of An Anecdote The first time me and Emma talked was in third grade square dancing. We were changing into our gym shoes and Emma noticed we were both wearing toe socks. And when we had to pick partners, she picked me and that was it. Best friends. "Socks sound good," I say.

49. Me and Dad spent the whole afternoon shopping online for socks. We order a bunch from this website called Sock-It-to-Me. We got pink ones with sparkly pigs, and some turquoise ones with crocodiles in sunglasses, and two pairs of stripy toe socks: one for me and one for Emma. Like old times. A Crooked Kind of Perfect by Linda Urban page 37 & 38

50. What crafts Did You See? • Specific Details: third grade square dancing, gyms shoes, toe socks, Sock-It-To-Me, pink ones with sparkling pigs, turquoise ones with crocodiles with sunglasses, two pair of stripy toe socks.