CHAPTER 3 – ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD AND YOURSELF

1. CHAPTER 3 – ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD AND YOURSELF

2. WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM? • Their own self worth.

4. SELF ESTEEM • child’s armor

5. SELF ESTEEM • capability and being loved.

6. FEELING CAPABLE & LOVED • the right balance. • Over achiever – but no love • Lots of love – but feels incapable

7. EARLY YEARS • The judges

8. MIDDLE CHILDHOOD AGES 7-10 • major challenge is “social” • other adults

9. TWEENS & TEENAGERS • MAJOR FACTORS/SELF ESTEEM APPEARANCE PEERS PARENTS UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

10. BUILDING CONFIDENCE • doing things for themselves

11. BUILDING CONFIDENCE • responsibilities and self esteem.

12. COMMUNICATION Do you have dinner together as a family? • Good time to learn what is going on

13. COMMUNICATION DINNER CONVERSATION: • Low/High game • Tell me about something nice you did for someone today?

15. SIGNS OF LOW/UNHEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM • No new things • Speaks negatively about themselves

16. SIGNS OF LOW/UNHEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM (continued) • Easily frustrated • Gives up frequently • Waits for somebody else

18. SIGNS OF HIGH/HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM • Interactive with others • Enjoys group activities • Problem solvers

19. SIGNS OF HIGH/HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM (continued) • Voice discontent without belittling: rather than “I’m stupid,” –“I don’t understand this”

20. BUILDING SELF ESTEEM IN YOUR CHILD • Ask your children’s views and opinions • Give meaningful and realistic feedback • Acknowledge positive behavior

21. BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM IN YOUR CHILD • Help with defeats • Give them projects

22. BUILDING POSITIVE, HEALTHY, HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

23. ENCOURAGEMENT

24. Encouragement vs. PraiseWhat’s the difference? Praise may create undue pressures Encouragement builds self-confidence Praise Encouragement

26. Praise or Encouragement? ___    1.    What a good girl to clean up your room. ___    2.    I’m so glad that you enjoy learning. ___    3.    Your story is exciting and uses very colorful language. ___    4.    I’m proud of you for learning your multiplication tables. ___    5.    I’m pleased with your behavior on the field trip. ___    6.     You figured that out all by yourself. Aren’t you pleased?

27. Encouragement

28. Self-Evaluation Tell me about it How can you learn from this experience? How do you feel about it? Behavior-focus What skills are you learning from this game? Who can tell me the rule? Praise I like what you are doing Good job; good work You look good You were the best Achieving Skills You are such a good girl You got first place! You are better than the rest Encouragement Praise

29. Empathy I see you are angry I know you were hurt by the booing but you handled it well I see that playing soccer makes you smile Conformity You did it right You followed the rules You’re a good sport I know just how you feel Encouragement Praise

30. Self-disclosing “I” message I felt proud when you led your teammates over to shake hands with the other team I appreciate your working together as a team I feel happy when you sing I feel encouraged when you and your brother work together Judgmental “I” message I’m proud of you You never make a mistake I know you have worked hard I like your aggressive behavior on the playing field I understand you are upset about your team’s loss Encouragement Praise

31. Encouragement • Focuses On: • Effort • Improvement • Contribution • Enjoyment • confidence • Provides Opportunity for children to feel: • Capable • Courageous • Resilient • Enjoyment in doing this for who they are • They are making contribution to society.

32. Encourage Your Child • Love and accept your child. • Notice when your child tries to improve. • Appreciate your child. • Have faith in your child.

33. Other Ways To Be Encouraging • Act • Smile or wink • Teach Respect • Help a neighbor • See the Good Side • Look for the positive • Encourage yourself

34. 5 Tips Encouragement • Encourage the effort or the learning and not the end result: You really showed some great courage when you got up to make that speech. • Give genuine encouragement and avoid manipulation: Your tem paper is so neat- I wish you would do all your work that neatly. • Use specific statement of encouragement : You have worked really hard to work out the math problems. • Be sincere, don’t praise undeserved success. • Use encouragement for effort now-don’t connect to work way in the future: You did a great job of study I know you will do well on the test.

35. Monitor Your Use of Praise to Children Praise to Avoid • General, non-specific leads to vulnerability and sense of self-worth dependent on that praise • Praise for a fixed-trait, such as intelligence or musical talent, may lead to worry about failure and therefore child avoids taking risks. Appropriate Praise • Achievement – what child does. Be specific “good use of color in that picture” not “good job” • Process – how the child does it. Examples: for effort, for inventiveness, or for keeping at it. • Person – who the child is. Valued for who they are. “I like having you in my group. Your smile is contagious.”

36. Praise& Encouragement & Love