Conflict Management in CLAS: Part 1, Difficult Conversations

1. Conflict Management in CLAS: Part 1,Difficult Conversations Cynthia Joyce University Ombudsperson

2. Goal • To promote the development of a workplace atmosphere where conflicts are resolved effectively.

3. Objectives • Understand and apply conflict management styles. • Build communication skills for dealing with conflict directly and effectively. • Build skills in handling difficult conversations.

4. Conflict Management Styles

5. Conflict Management Styles Competing Collaborating Assertiveness Compromising Accommodating Avoiding Cooperativeness

6. Communication Skills • Active Listening • Assertive Communication • I Statements

7. Active Listening • Encourage • Question • Restate • Reflect • Summarize • Validate

8. Making Active Listening Work • Be authentic. • Be energetic and focused. • Be aware of your internal voice. • Avoid assumptions. • Empathize. • Watch nonverbal behaviors. • Do not interrupt, offer advice, or make suggestions.

9. Assertive Communication • Deal with situation directly. • Start with what matters most. • Use I statements.

10. I Statements • I feel (state your emotion) • When you (state the specific action that you are concerned about) • Because (state the impact on your life) • And I want (state the change in behavior you want).

11. Difficult Conversations: Move from Delivering a Message to a Learning Conversation

12. Material adapted from“Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most” By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

13. What makes conversations difficult?

14. Difficult Conversations: Three Conversations in One • What Happened? • Feelings • Identity

15. What Happened? The Truth Assumption The Intention Invention The Blame Frame accept multiple perspectives disentangle intent from impact move from blame to contribution

16. Feelings • Difficult conversations are at their core about feelings. • You are not really dealing with the issue if you leave out feelings.

17. Identity • Ask what is at stake for you: Am I competent? Am I a good person? • Ask what is at stake for the other person.

18. What can help when your identity is challenged? • Ground your identity. Accept that: • You will make mistakes. • You are complex. • You have contributed to the problem. • Let go of trying to control the other person’s reaction. • Prepare for the other person’s response.

19. When you deliver a message, you often want to: • Prove a point. • Give the other person a piece of your mind. • Get the other person to do or be what you want.

20. In a learning conversation, you: • Try to understand what has happened from the other person’s point of view. • Explain your point of view. • Share and understand feelings • Work together to manage the problem in the future.

21. Communicating Clearly Do: • Start with what matters most. • Speak directly. • Acknowledge different perspectives; use “and.” Don’t: • Be too simplistic. • Present your conclusions as truth. • Use “always” and “never.”

22. Problem Solving • Set the stage: purpose of meeting, ground rules. • Begin with the Third Story. • Listen to the other person’s perspective. • Communicate clearly. • Define the problem. • Brainstorm options. • Evaluate options. • Develop a solution.

23. The Third Story: • neutral description of the situation acknowledging differences between your perspectives, with no judgment involved.

24. What can help you hold difficult conversations when necessary?

25. University Resources • Office of the Ombudsperson • Mediation Services • Human Resources: Local and Central Staff Faculty and Staff Services Learning and Development • Other:

26. Bibliography

27. Wrap Up • Summary • Questions • Next Steps • Evaluations