Understanding Bullying and Cyberbullying: A Guide for Parents

1. Bullying and Cyberbullying What Parents Need to Know Richard Merkin Middle School Home of the Trailblazers

2. http://www.olweus.org Definition Bullying is when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending himself or herself.

3. Definition Three components of bullying: • Repeated • Intentional • Power Imbalance

4. Traditional Bullying

5. Bullying Today

6. Statistics on Bullying (ADL) Traditional Bullying Cyberbullying 24% of students ages 12-18 years reported being cyberbullied during their lifetimes 15% of social media-using teens ages 12-17 have been the target of online meanness 88% have seen someone be mean or cruel on social media sites. • 28% of students ages 12-18 years reported bullying at school • Most common forms of bullying: • Rumors (18%) • Name-calling, insults (18%) • Pushing (8%) • Exclusion (6%) • Direct threats of harm (5%)

7. Cyber bullying Similarities • Repetition • Intentional • Power Imbalance

8. Cyber bullying Differences • Anonymity- 50% of students reported they didn’t know who bullied them. • Disinhibition– “You can’t see me I can’t see you.” • Accessibility– 24/7 • Punitive Fears- targets don’t report because they fear having computer or phone/computer privileges taken away • Bystanders- different for cyber bullying- don’t witness actual face to face confrontation.

9. Warning signs a child may be bullied • Avoiding or fear of going to school • Sudden failing grades • Frequent health complaints- headaches, stomachaches • Withdrawing or losing interest in activities with friends • Feeling, sad, moody, anxious, depressed, withdrawn, helpless • Unexplained injuries

10. Warning signs a child may be bullied • Damaged or missing clothing or items • Losing items of value- iPod, money, jewelry • Trouble sleeping- or frequent nightmares • Changes in eating habits • Avoiding or spending excessive time on computer • Significant mood changes after using the computer

11. Potential Long-Term Impact • Most common behaviors associated with youth who are bullied are: • Smoking cigarettes (21%) • Drinking alcohol • Using illegal drugs • Sexual activity (35%) • Targets are more apt to have received treatment from a mental health professional (14% vs. 5% of others) and have considered suicide (14% vs. 5%) • Source: MTV and AP (2011)

12. Reporting • 47% of high school students told nobody at all. • Not telling anyone is a trend that becomes more pronounced as students get older (18% in 3rd grade to 47% in 12th grade). (Olweus & Limber 2010) • 40% who are bullied notify an adult after a school incident (Robers) • 26% who are cyberbullied notify an adult after an online incident (Robers, 2013) • Reasons students stay silent: • Negative messages about “tattling” and “snitching” • Fear of retaliation • Don’t think adults will handle well (won’t get better, won’t do anything, etc.)

13. What can parents do? • Talk with your child Cultivate and maintain open, candid communication Conversation starters “There have been a lot of news stories about people being bullied lately, do you know of people dealing with this?” “Have you ever had any problems with people on the internet?” “Has anyone ever bothered or threatened you?” “Do you know of kids who are picked on in school?” “How can I help you make it stop, without embarrassing you?” (www.cyberbullying.us)

14. What can parents do? Your child may not always talk…so observe and listen • Offer to drive your child and their friends to events • Observe their interactions with friends • Volunteer at the school • Attend school events • Chaperone field trips • Pay attention to changes

15. What can parents do? • Empathize with your child. Help them understand bullying is wrong and it is not their fault. • Document bullying incidents. • Print out copies of inappropriate emails, facebook posts, online communications. • Be a role model. (http://www.stopbullying.gov)

16. What can parents do? • Encourage “upstander” reporting and support. • Get help for your child at school. Increase awareness and supervision of your child. • Encourage students to pursue interests and activities to build more positive friendships. • Help your child develop strategies and skills for handling bullying.

17. If your child is bullied, tell him/her 1.) Don't respond or show a reaction. Students who bully like to see that they can upset you. 2.) Calmly and assertively tell the student to stop...or say nothing and then walk away. 3.) Use humor, if this is easy for you to do. 4.) Avoid areas where there are not many students or teachers around. 5.) Don't bring expensive things or money to school.

18. If your child is bullied, tell him/her 6.) Sit with a group of friends at lunch or on the bus. 7.) Walk with friends or a teacher to your classes. 8.) Join activities you like to make more positive friendships 9.) Always REPORT any bullying that does not stop or makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe to your parents, teacher, counselor or an adult you trust.

19. If your child is bullied online… Stop Block Tell http://www.stopcyberbullying.org

20. An important note. . . • The list of solutions to bullying DOES NOT include telling your child to “fight back” • This can be more dangerous for your child (especially if the aggressor is older or stronger). • This could also get your child into trouble with the school because your child may be seen as the instigator of a fight, as opposed to a target.

21. Could my child be engaging in bullying behavior toward others? • Kids who are less socially successful may bully because: • They think it will help them fit in with their peers • They may have trouble empathizing with those they hurt • Popular kids may bully because: • They see it as a way to stay popular • Hurting others make them feel powerful • May look/act differently and be targeted themselves • Recent traumatic event? (divorce, death of a loved one) • Witness bullying behavior in others (friends, family, community)

22. What if my child has bullied another? • Don’t ignore the situation • Ask school personnel about behaviors seen at school • Ask your child about giving other students a hard time. Be direct but not accusatory. • Ask your child to tell you about what they wish their school day was like. Look for clues: Is your child lonely? Struggling academically? • Decide if you can work with your child to correct the behavior or if outside help is needed.

23. What if my child has bullied another? • You can help by remaining calm and working with the school to find out why your child bullies others. • You may also work with your child to find ways to make amends to the target. • It is NOT your CHILD who is unacceptable, it is his/her BEHAVIOR. • Support your child in seeking fair treatment during any investigation or discipline process.

24. What if my child has witnessed bullying? • Bulling effects everyone • All are responsible for creating safety at school • Silence only makes the problem worse • Encourage your child to report bullying to proper adult(s) • Parent, teacher, counselor, administrator, campus aid, other trusted adult

25. Teach Empathy • How does it make you feel when someone says something mean to you? • How do you think someone would feel reading a text or message you sent? • Why do you think students say, text, write mean things to each other? • What would your grandma, mom, parents, teachers think?

26. Rules for online behavior • Think before you send • Treat all people with respect both face to face and online • Don’t use language you wouldn’t want your parents/teachers, etc. to read • Don’t send messages when you are angry • Remember things aren’t private on the internet--you can’t erase or take anything back once its online • Remember there are consequences—even if it happens outside of school—from your parents, the school, even the police • Make bullying un-cool at your school

27. Internet Safety Tips for Parents • Keep computer in a common room- NOT a child’s bedroom • Establish rules for internet use - What sites they can visit - Who are their friends– should not have boyfriend/girlfriend you have never met. - Who can they talk to? - How long can they be online? - When can they use the computer? • Know your child’s passwords– “friend” your child on social networking sites (SNS) i.e. facebook, myspace

28. Google • Google your child • Search images, videos, newsgroups • Use quotation marks around name • Set Google Alerts for your child’s name

29. Parental Controls for Cell Phones Restrict Camera Use Restrict Voice Calls Restrict time of day phone will work Block Content Block Two-way Text Messages Limit Wireless Web Access Check with your cell phone service provider for available parental controls.

30. Social Networking sites • Cyber bullying violates terms of service (TOS) agreement • Sites in violation should be reported • Facebook and myspace will also take down sites that violate the minimum age requirement -13 years old for both sites • If known, cyber bullying should also be reported to the bully’s Internet Service Provider. • Cyber bullying is a violation of the ISP’s Terms of Service agreement and the account (or parent’s account) may be closed.

31. School Prevention and Intervention • ADL Step Up assembly • Ongoing Advisory curriculum- weekly discussions • Trailblazer Read- Wonder • Conflict resolution meetings/small group education circles • Bully aggressor incident reporting • Possible future efforts • Peace assemblies • PBA contest- Advisory • Recognize positive and pro-social behaviors • Peer mediation/mentoring programs

32. Engage students in prevention Have students… • Create tip sheets • Have a poster contest • Create and distribute a survey • Invent a reporting system • Have older students teach younger students • Have classroom competitions • Create a PowerPoint presentation • Make a video • Generate a list of appropriate consequences for bullying • Create a web site More suggestions at: http://cybersmartcurriculum.org/cyberbullying/prevention/

33. What can the community do? • Assess bullying in the community- identify hotspots • Intervene--send a consistent message that bullying is not tolerated anywhere • Report bullying to known contact person--published in student handbook • Raise community awareness • Involve students in any bullying prevention efforts • Create teams of concerned citizens-- law enforcement, business owners, faith community, school personnel, parents, etc. to fight bullying • Be a role model Adapted from http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/community/index.html

34. Resources • http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov • http://cyberbullying.us/index.php • http://www.digizen.org/resources/cyberbullying/films/uk/lfit-film.aspx • http://www.connectsafely.org/ • http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/index2.html • www.wiredsafety.org • http://www.netsmartz.org/Educators • http://www.cox.com/takecharge/safe_teens_2009/media/2009_teen_survey_internet_and_wireless_safety.pdf • http://cybersmartcurriculum.org/ • ***Reading resource list and additional take home materials are available

35. Questions?