Choosing a husband or a wife

1. Choosing a husband or a wife By Kingsley Akrasi

2. Introduction • Marriage is a step in life that needs to be taken very seriously because it has an impact upon your life in this world and in the world to come. • God should approve of the plans that you have in this direction otherwise you are not a sincere Christian. • You should not choose your partner for yourself but rather God should be the one who chooses your partner.

3. Introduction • The person that you should marry must be loved by you because this would be a sin and God requires the whole heart (the supreme affections). • You must consider the influence and character of the home that you are founding when contemplating marriage. • The marriage will determine the upbringing of your children and of all of your future generations.

4. Introduction • Do not make relations with people who can hinder your Christian Walk whether it is matrimonial or business. • Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. • Will this union help me heavenward? • Will it increase my love for God?

5. Introduction • Will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in life? • The choice secure physical, mental and spiritual well-being for parents and for children and help both of them bless their fellow men and honour their Creator.

6. Qualities to be sought in prospective wife • She should be able to stand by his side and bear her share of life’s burdens. • Her influence should ennoble (to make noble) and refine (to purify) him and she should make him happy in her love. • She should be from the Lord because she is a prudent (practically wise) wife. • You should safely trust in her.

7. Qualities to be sought in prospective wife • She will do good and no evil to him all of the days in her life. • She should have wisdom in her mouth and the law of kindness in her tongue. • She should look well to the ways of her household and not be idle. • Her children should arise and called her blessed and her husband should praise her.

8. Qualities to be sought in prospective wife • Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? • Is she an economist (one who manages domestic or other concerns with frugality; one who expends money, time or labour judiciously, and without waste), or will she, if married, not only use all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance?

9. Qualities to be sought in prospective wife • Are her principles correct in this direction? • Has she anything now to depend upon? • You should study the character of your wife. • Will she be one who will be patient and painstaking?

10. Qualities to be sought in prospective wife • Will she cease to care for your mother and father at the very time when they need a strong son to lean upon? • Will she withdraw him from their society to carry out her plans and to suit her own pleasure, and leave the father and mother whom, instead of gaining an affectionate daughter, will have lost a son?

11. Qualities to be sought in prospective husband • You should make sure that the woman who you will be having her hand in marriage should think that you are worthy to unite her destiny with. • What has been his past record? • Is his life pure? • Is the love that he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness?

12. Qualities to be sought in prospective husband • Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? • Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? • Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband?

13. Qualities to be sought in prospective husband • Can she honour the Saviour's claims as supreme? • Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy? • These questions have a vital bearing upon the well being of every woman who enters the marriage relation.

14. Qualities to be sought in prospective husband • Has my lover a mother? • What is the stamp of her character? • Does he recognize his obligations to her? • Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness? • If he does not respect the honour his mother, will he manifest respect and love, kindness and attention, toward his wife?

15. Qualities to be sought in prospective husband • When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still? • Will he be patient with my mistakes, or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial? • True affection will overlook many mistakes; love will not discern them. • You should possess pure, manly traits of character.

16. Qualities to be sought in prospective husband • You should be diligent, aspiring, and honest and love and fear God. • You should not be irreverent, a lover of idleness, a scoffer of hallowed things, use profane language and be addicted to even one glass of liquor.

17. Love is a precious gift from Jesus • The love expressed by both parties is a principle not a feeling and is real, genuine, devoted and pure. • True love will make happy families and exert an elevating influence upon all who come within the sphere of their influence. • Pure love takes God into all of its plans and is in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God. • One who possesses true love will show the grace of God.

18. Love is a precious gift from Jesus • Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, and religion will characterize every step toward an alliance in marriage. • Their fervour for the truth will not die on account of the neglect of the opportunities and privileges that God has graciously given to them. • True love is calm and deep in its nature and it looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone.

19. Love is a precious gift from Jesus • It is wise and discriminating and its devotion is real and abiding. • Love, lifted out of the realm of passion and impulse, becomes spiritualised, and is revealed in words and acts. • A Christian must have a sanctified tenderness and love in which there is no impatience of fretfulness; the rude, harsh manners must be softened by the grace of Christ.

20. Prayer and Bible study necessary to make right decision • Marriage was instituted by God and is a sacred ordinance that should never be entered upon in a spirit of selfishness. • When contemplating this step, you should solemnly and prayerfully consider its importance and seek divine counsel that you may know whether or not you’re pursuing a course in harmony with the will of God. • Instruction given in the Bible should be carefully considered.

21. Prayer and Bible study necessary to make right decision • Heaven looks with pleasure upon marriage formed with earnest desire to conform to directions given in Scriptures. • Subject of marriage should be considered with calm reason and unimpassioned judgement. • Courtship should not be something secret and the feelings should not be the guide.

22. Prayer and Bible study necessary to make right decision • Must be a diligent student of Bible to not make grave mistakes that will mar happiness and that of others, both for the present and future life. • Prayer should be increased twofold a day when such a step is anticipated, as it will affect your life in this world and the world to come.

23. The counsel of God-fearing parents • You must have the counsel of older and more experienced persons. • Time, money and much careful study should be devoted to this subject just as all of these factors are devoted to business. • How much greater caution should be exercised in entering the marriage relation—a relation that affects future generations and the future life?

24. The counsel of God-fearing parents • Shall children consult only their own desires and inclinations irrespective of the advice and judgment of their parents? • The fifth commandment should be carefully observed when taking this venture because it determines the lifespan of the individuals. • Parents should not select a companion for their son/daughter without regarding the feelings of their son/daughter.

25. The counsel of God-fearing parents • Let the love for truth and purity and goodness be early implanted in the soul, and the youth will seek the society of those who possess these characteristics.

26. Cautions to those contemplating marriage • Do not give yourself away too easily and do not be captivated too readily by the winning exterior of the lover. • Good common sense is needed here if anywhere. • Imagination, lovesick sentimentalism, should be guarded against, as would be the leprosy. • Devote your mental and physical powers to the service of your Redeemer, who has bought you.

27. Cautions to those contemplating marriage • Sanctify your thoughts and feelings that all your works may be wrought in God. • Do not do any courting at night as an angel is making record of the words and acts committed and the laws of health and modesty are violated.

28. Cautions to those contemplating marriage • It would be more appropriate to let some of the hours of courtship before marriage run through the married life even though marriage ends all the devotion manifested during the days of courtship. • Be careful not to follow the suggestions of Satan in contemplating marriage.

29. Improper Conduct • Trifling with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God. • Do not show preference for young ladies and call out their affections and then do the same for many ladies. • Guard your conduct so that Satan cannot beguile you from the path of uprightness. • Do not enjoy the society and win the friendship of a young lady unbeknown to her parent because it is not a noble Christian act towards her or her parents.

30. Improper Conduct • Do not be secretive about your courtship and make sure that it abides by everything written in the Word of God. • Observe the eighth commandment by not stealing the affections and practicing a deceptive courtship with private communications. • The Bible condemns every species of dishonesty.

31. Improper Conduct • Those who would preserve physical health, a vigorous intellect, and sound morals must "flee . . . youthful lusts." • Those who will put forth zealous and decided efforts to check the wickedness that lifts its bold, presumptuous head in our midst are hated and maligned by all wrongdoers, but they will be honoured and recompensed of God.