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COUNSELLING GUIDELINES FOR PARENTS. “ a stage in life when the slightest turn towards the wrong will spoil character” Baba. WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION Adolescence . The age span of 10-19 years in the life of a human being…… Youth The age span of 15-24
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“a stage in life when the slightest turn towards the wrong will spoil character” Baba WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION Adolescence. The age span of 10-19 years in the life of a human being…… Youth The age span of 15-24 in the life of a human being…..
Identity Crisis Adult?? Child? ? Who am I???
Economic independence Unstableemotions Resentment of Authority
Present Day challenges for parents • Influence of Media, TV, Movies etc • Money Power • Fast foods • Elevation in women’s status
Recognising problem signs…… Disturbing/non co operative behaviour • Arguing with siblings • Teasing,etc • Lack of concentration/Distraction • Disobedience • Closed Communication • Fear/Anxiety of….. • exams • teacher • one of the parents • a bully in the class
DEFINITIONS “Counselling is a process that leads to healing, growth and change.’’ (Dr .B.J.Prashantham) EMPATHY ENCOURAGEMENT EMPOWERMENT ENRICHMENT EDUCARE The 5Es
BASIC LISTENING AND RESPONDING
LISTENING • SUPERFICIAL • PART/SELECTIVE • ATTENTIVE story
CommunicationResearch(Dr Albert Mahrabian) Words-Verbal 7% Body language-55% Voice-Paralinguistic 38% Mehrabian -communication theory
Listen to your child with full attention. • Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding. • Answer your child’s questions, do not avoid them • This builds trust and faith Chinnakatha dolls
RESPONDING SKILLS
GUIDELINES FOR PARENTS
COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS • Admonishing What’s wrong with you? Why have you done this? • Moralising/LABELLING You are such a bad student.careless fellow! You should be ashamed of yourself! • Humiliating I am disappointed in you. I did not expect this of YOU. • Sympathising\Sarcastic Oh! , that’s really bad! Poor thing! You can only be a street vendor if you don’t study
GUIDELINES • DON’TS 1.Dont advice, preach, moralise, compare 2. Avoid ‘have to’, ‘should/should not’, ‘must /must not’ etc Avoid ‘why’ question as far as possible
DO’S • Use Reflective responses • A. Reflection of content • B. Reflection of feelings SUMMARISE! • It shows understanding and Empathy
STYLES OF PARENTING Uninvolved No LOVE or LAW Autoritarian/Autocratic ONLY LAW Permissive Too much anuraga attachment LOVE Authoritative LAW+LOVE
P E R S O N A L I T y D O M A I N S
Physical Development
“Do all household work as acts of worship for Him: that is more fruitful than hours of meditation,hours gained by entrusting this precious work to paid helpers.”
Intellectual Development (education/experience) Recent structural MRI studies have demonstrated that the brain undergoes considerable development during adolescence. “Education is for life, not for a living” Baba
EmotionalDevelopment Aware of feelings/emotions Coping with emotions Understanding others emotions Self concept “Love is the undercurrent of human life;Man will be able to manifest his innate divinity only when he develops love within” Baba
Spiritual Development Character! “Sow a seed of good thought Reap aharvest of good action Sow a seed of good action Reap a harvest of good habit Sow a seed of good habit Reap a harvest of good character Sow a seed of good character Reap a harvest of good destiny” Baba
Transformation Tools The 5 techniques • Silent sitting / Guided visualisation • Prayer/Chanting • Group Singing • Story-telling /Play acting • Group Sevaactivities The Spiritual Tool Box used IN BAL VIKAS
5 Relationships that make the Home Love 1 Spouse Bond Relationship Husband & Wife 2Power Structure Empowerment of Family Members 3 Family Time Activities & Customs 4 Communication Mode of communication within the family 5 Awareness & Connectivity Spiritual Belief, Network of Friends & Relatives Dharma Peace Truth Non-Violence
1.SPOUSE BOND “UNDERSTANDING FIRST, ADJUSTMENT NEXT” Baba Love
2. EMPOWERMENT OF SPOUSE. “HOME IS THE DWELLING PLACE OF RIGHT CONDUCT . A HOME IS A HOME IF BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE HONOURED AND RESPECTED WITHIN IT.SUCH A HOME IS THE HAVEN OF PROSPERITY AND PEACE.”Baba
3.FAMILY TIME “PARENTS CAN IMPART ELEMENTS OF THEIR CULTURE AND VALUES WHEN THEY SHARE PRIME FAMILY TIME WITH CHILDREN.” Baba BAD TIMES ARE TESTING TIMES (coping skills) PEACE COOPERATION, APPRECIATION RECREATION SHARING
4.COMMUNICATION “50% OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS LISTENING. IF YOU GIVE AN EAR TO OTHERS ,THEN OTHERS WILL GIVE AN EAR TO YOU.” RESPECT, EMPATHY, HONESTY AWARENESS OF OTHERS’ FEELINGS
Words! • “Words can confer strength:they can drain it off.” • “Power of the atom bomb” Baba
5.AWARENESS & CONNECTIVITY Cultural activities, functions, festivals etc sense of oneness, and belonging, connectivity- SELF AWARENESS, SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES, PRAYER AND DEVOTION
“Have Constructive thoughts, Consoling words, and Compassionate acts” Baba
HOUSE RULES (Routine and Boundaries) Prayer Bedtime Quiet/homework Household Chores Family activities Allowance Consequence Rules “Discipline is needed in every aspect to maintain the right course of life.” Baba No rules land
REMEMBER! • Don’t label your child.. • Correct only the wrong behaviour Labels: You are stupid You are foolish You are so slow
GUIDELINES • Acceptance and warmth • Loving friendly approach • Realistic expectations • Remembering the • divine connectivity
GUIDELINES • Focus on ‘here and now’ • Immediate acknowledgement of wrong or right • Allow them to be part of family conversations, decision making…
Self-Concept Self esteem The Empty self esteem pot
SELF EMPOWERMENT! Self Satisfaction SELF-CONFIDENCE Self Sacrifice Self Realisation
Exemplar/Role Model The primary responsibility of a parent is to mould the character of the child.” Baba “BE, DO ,AND THEN TELL”
Baba says “Parents must feel that they are servants appointed by the Lord to tend the little souls that are born in their households, as the gardener tends the trees in the garden of the Master.”