Building Intimacy in Your Small Group and Facilitating Excellent Discussions with Dr. Randy Wollf

1. Building Intimacy in Your Small Group and Facilitating Excellent Discussions with Dr. Randy Wollf

2. Build a Healthy Group Culture • Non-judgemental • Honest/transparent • Safe • Process oriented • Concerned about the other Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Making Small Groups Work: What Every Small Group Leader Needs to Know. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003. 71.

3. Love One Another • John 13:34-35 - “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” • Rom. 13:8; 1 Pet. 1:22; 1 Jn. 3:11, 23; 4:7, 11-12; 2 Jn. 1:5

4. Encourage One Another • 1 Thess. 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. • 1 Thess. 4:18; Heb. 3:13

5. Accept One Another • Rom. 15:7 - Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

6. Be Kind to One Another • Eph. 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

7. Live in Harmony with One Another • Rom. 12:16 - Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.

8. Forgive One Another • Eph. 4:32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. • Col. 3:13

9. Be Hospitable to One Another • 1 Pet. 4:9 - Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

10. Be Devoted to One Another • Rom. 12:10 - Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

11. Honour One Another • Rom. 12:10 - Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

12. Teach and Admonish One Another • Col. 3:16 - Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

13. Lay Down Your Lives for One Another • 1 Jn. 3:16 - This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

14. Group Discussion • If you were to pick one of the “one anothers” to emphasize over the next month in your small group, what would it be?

15. Invest Time in Building Community • Between meetings • Prayer for each other • Social media • One-on-one coffee times • Mentoring relationships and accountability groups • Touching base • Fun group activities

16. Invest Time in Building Community • During meetings Egli, Jim and Dwight Marable. Big Impact: Connecting People to God and One Another in Thriving Groups. ChurchSmart Resources. 2011, p. 68.

17. Invest Time in Building Community • During meetings • Some structure and predictability can promote a sense of safety. Egli, Jim and Dwight Marable. Big Impact: Connecting People to God and One Another in Thriving Groups. ChurchSmart Resources. 2011, p. 68.

18. Welcome – Breaking the Ice • If you could choose, in which Olympic sport would you most like to win a gold medal? Why? • What’s one thing you wish someone would do for you when you’re sick? • Finish this sentence: One topic I’m interested in learning more about is…. • One thing I’m really looking forward to right now is…

19. Witness – Building Communitas • “…communitas describes the dynamics of the Christian community inspired to overcome their instincts to ‘huddle and cuddle’ and to instead form themselves around a common mission that calls them onto a dangerous journey to unknown places – Hirsch, Allan. The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press. 2006, p. 221.

20. Witness – Building Communitas • a mission that calls the church to shake off its collective securities and to plunge into the world of action, where its members will experience disorientation and marginalization but also where they encounter God and one another in a new way.” Hirsch, Allan. The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press. 2006, p. 221.

21. Witness – Building Communitas • According Egli and Marable’s (2011) research, “If you want to experience deeper community in your small group, you should make it an open group that actively reaches out to others.” Egli, Jim and Dwight Marable. Big Impact: Connecting People to God and One Another in Thriving Groups. ChurchSmart Resources. 2011, p. 37.

22. Word – Facilitating Excellent Community-building Discussion • Discovery Questions – What does it say? • Understanding Questions – What does it mean? • Application Questions – What should I apply to my life?

23. Word – Facilitating Excellent Community-building Discussion • Understanding Questions • Synonyms – What is another word for “grace?” • Definitions – How would you define “Lord?” • Differences – What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? • Similarities – How is the church like a human body? • Opposites – What is the opposite of truth? • Relationships – How are “lordship” and “obedience” related?

24. Word – Facilitating Excellent Community-building Discussion • Understanding Questions • Examples – What are some examples of two being better than one? • Why – Why do you think Jesus wept over Jerusalem? • Explain – How would you explain salvation to a child? • Extremes – Which one of the characteristics… • How – How do you think we can sharpen one another as Christians?

25. Word – Facilitating Excellent Community-building Discussion • Application Questions • What stands out to you from this passage? • What is one thing that you can take from our discussion into your week? • How does this ______ (truth, principle, idea) apply to your life? • What is the next step for you to live out what God is saying to you through this passage? • Can you illustrate this truth with an example from your own life?

26. Word – Facilitating Excellent Community-building Discussion • 10 C’s of Quality Questions • Concise • Complete • Clear • Connected • Conversational • Contestable • Challenging • Creative • Controversial • Considerate Davis, Deena. Discipleship Journal’s 101 Best Small Group Ideas. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 1996.

27. Word – Facilitating Excellent Community-building Discussion • Questions that are judgmental, negative, or prescriptive can tear down and disempower, while pure questions can provoke greater understanding and motivation. Walling, Terry. Leader Breakthru Coaching Skills, p. 31.

28. Worship – Opening Our Hearts to God and Each Other • Encourage people to worship from the heart • Take time to pause for God to do a deeper work • Allow time for personal sharing • Include times of spontaneous worship

29. Wind – Ministry to Each Other • Exploring group dynamics • Large group prayer • “What is one thing you want to ask God for?” • Small group prayer • “What is hurting you right now?” • “Where would you like to grow in your life?” • “What area of your life is holding you back from experiencing God more?” • “What has God been saying to you tonight?”

30. Wind – Ministry to Each Other • The Role of Prayer in Your Group • Decide prayer’s place • Be sensitive to peoples’ level of comfort • Give freedom • Pray about group issues • Guide people to expect God’s response Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Making Small Groups Work: What Every Small Group Leader Needs to Know. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003. 78-79.

31. Extend Forgiveness • Dig deeper • Push a bit • Talk about grace/forgiveness • Create the right environment • Experience grace and forgiveness • Make failure an expected event Ibid. 87

32. Provide Support • Attending • Validation • Assessing reality Ibid. 88-90

33. Provide Support • Groups take over when necessary • “…groups take over where the weak person gives out. They provide love, support, advice, and encouragement when the person just doesn’t have the resolve to do something that seems difficult or even impossible” (Cloud & Townsend, 90) • Identification Ibid. 88-90

34. Process Grief Together • Invite sad, confused and angry emotions • Help the person go through the stages • Allow the person to continue to process • Function as the lost resource • Teach about grief and loss • Help with faith Ibid. 95-97

35. Provide a Place for Healing Healing is not the absence of the pain (just like faith is not the absence of fear – faith is choosing to walk in right ways despite fear) Healing is knowing the root of pain and not functioning according to the lies I am tempted to believe right now. Ken Dyck, Founder of Freedom Session

36. Provide a Place for Healing • Comfort the hurting • Validate their experience and feelings • Separate injury from symptom • Empower them to take ownership • Provide support to engage in emotionally corrective experiences Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Making Small Groups Work: What Every Small Group Leader Needs to Know. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003. 98-100.

37. Provide a Place for Healing • “Groups use the power that God provides to give people a new life, new ways of relating, and new ways to experience themselves” (Cloud and Townsend, p. 100). Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Making Small Groups Work: What Every Small Group Leader Needs to Know. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2003. 100.

38. Practice Loving Confrontation • Normalize and expect confrontation • Address patterns more than events • No condemnation and no equivocation • Invite people to redemption • Contain sin Ibid. 102-103

39. Practice Loving Confrontation • “Conflict flows from life…Rather than seeing conflict as a threat, we can understand it as providing opportunities to grow and to increase our understanding of ourselves, of others, of our social structures. Conflicts in relationships at all levels are the way life helps us to stop, assess, and take notice. One way to truly know our humanness is to recognize the gift of conflict in our lives. Without it life would be a monotonously flat topography of sameness and our relationships would be woefully superficial” (Lederach, 2003, p. 18). Lederach, John Paul. The Little Book of Conflict Transformation. Intercourse, PA: Good Books, 2003. p. 18.

40. Practice Loving Confrontation • 4 G’s of peacemaking • Glorify God • Get the Log Out of Your Eye • Gently Restore • Go and Be Reconciled http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958149/k.303A/The_Four_Gs.htm

41. Practice Loving Confrontation • The Seven A’s of Confession • Address everyone involved • Avoid if, but, and maybe • Admit specifically • Acknowledge the hurt • Accept the consequences • Alter your behavior • Ask for forgiveness http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958153/k.7417/Seven_As_of_Confession.htm

42. Practice Loving Confrontation • Four Promises of Forgiveness • "I will not dwell on this incident.“ • "I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.“ • "I will not talk to others about this incident." • "I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship." http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958157/k.B361/Four_Promises_of_Forgiveness.htm

43. Building Intimacy in Your Small Group and Facilitating Excellent Discussions with Dr. Randy Wollf