Enhancement Training for Facilitators

1. Enhancement Training for Facilitators Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D., CFLE, Auburn University. AL Director, Center for Children, Youth, and Families Dept. of Human Development and Family Studies Alabama Cooperative Extension System

2. Lesson ONE - Families Today

3. Family Activity Goal: To further develop the “habit” of talking as a family

4. Family Activity Your job: • Give complete instructions to adult • Explain activity to be completed prior to children coming in • Explain that the purpose of these activities is to make asking and listening to each other more of “habit” • Explain that when their child(ren) join them they should begin • Explain how they will physically arrange themselves • Show the Discussion guidelines and the questions that parents can use to guide the family discussion (have these either up on a slide, flipchart, or on a card you give to each parent) • Explain that their family discussion is their private discussion. At the end you will ask for some general thoughts about the activity before finishing up the session for the night.

5. Discussion Guidelines • Everyone gets a turn to speak • Respond with supportive comments • “That’s interesting” “I didn’t know you thought that” “I’m so glad you shared that” • Parents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask: • Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your paper? • After everyone shares, you can ask: • Which was the easiest to answer? • Which was the hardest to answer? Why? • How do you feel about sharing your answers with us? • Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this?

6. Family Activity Your job: • Walk around the room and assist with getting parents started, if needed. • Continue doing this for 10-15 minutes. You are making yourself available if parents have questions; this is not for “checking up” on families’ discussions. • After every family has had a reasonable amount of time to discuss, announce, “Let’s take another minute to finish our discussions” • After a minute, invite everyone’s attention to you. Ask: • Why was this a good activity? Did you learn anything new? You don’t have to share anything specific –maybe just something in general. • How did this feel (to share information)? Is this something you do on a regular basis? When and where might you be able to continue to do this as a family? • Complement families on their great work and attention in the session. Thank them for coming and tell them what to expect for next week.

7. LET’S PRACTICE!

8. Discussion Guidelines • Everyone gets a turn to speak • Respond with supportive comments • “That’s interesting” “I didn’t know you thought that” “I’m so glad you shared that” • Parents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1, Ask: • Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your paper? • After everyone shares, you can ask: • Which was the easiest to answer? • Which was the hardest to answer? Why? • How do you feel about sharing your answers with us? • Could we have more talks like this at home? When and where could we do this?

9. Lesson TWO - Changes

10. Child Lesson 2 objectives • Understand changes as normative experiences • Awareness of feelings around changes • Understand strategies for appropriate expressions of feelings; managing anger

11. The “timeline” • Changes in my life • Feelings – Where Are They? • Managing Anger • Lesson Summary

12. Money in Stepfamilies •What are the differences in a stepfamily? •Options: • Mixed - Yours, Mine and Ours • Keep separate • One Pot

13. Negotiating What kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable? What kinds of responses make a conflict worse? What helps people to come to an understanding of one another’s points of view? What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well? Are there things you’ve done that have made conflict worse? What would you do differently now?

14. Money in Stepfamilies • •Skills for negotiating • •What should you talk about? • Stepfamily Decisions (worksheet)

15. Other considerations May be cultural norms about the handling of money (lesson 2) Some stepparents adopt stepchildren (lesson 2) A law professional can assist with the legal segment (establish timeframe ahead of time) (lesson 2) Can reduce the # of items on Expectations worksheet completed in class (lesson 2)

16. Other considerations • Some parents have difficulty hearing their children’s responses in “Changes in my life” • Could switch Lesson 2 and Lesson 3 family activity

17. Lesson THREE - Where are you coming from?

18. Expectations Shared Meaning We interact around “Symbols” and develop SHARED MEANING with expected behaviors. • Ideas for symbols to use with kids? • Ideal number to use?

19. Parents Need To: • Give Love • Communicate Skillfully • Have A Plan • Be Consistent • Show Respect • Make Time • Be Patient • Learn About Child Development

20. The parent has a role in social/emotional development! Parenting Styles Parenting Styles: • Levels of warmth and control in the parent/child relationship create different styles

21. Parenting Styles High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low

22. Parenting Styles • Influenced by family of origin and contextual factors • Can vary for different children • Can vary for one parent-child dyad • Situational factors • Type of misbehavior • General parenting style can predict outcomes for kids

23. Parenting Styles High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low Supportive Stepparent

24. Parenting Styles High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low Supportive Stepparent

25. Parenting Styles High CONTROL Low High WARMTH Low Stepparent as Dem Parent

26. Discipline Root Word : Disciple = Learner DISCIPLINE IS GUIDANCE THAT DEVELOPS SELF-CONTROL Through: • Instruction • Providing Guidance • Role Modeling • Offering Choices/Use of Consequences

27. Discipline Overview • Notice when your child is behaving well! • Control the situation; not the child or theiremotions • Think: What value or skill am I trying to teach? •Why is the child misbehaving? • Reactionary vs. Planned – Have a plan! • Control vs. Cooperation – Engage your child’s cooperation!

28. Tools of the Trade • Natural consequences • Logical consequences • Empower children: give choices; self-evaluate • Sense of humor • Pick your battles

29. Physical Punishment 1. Is spanking necessary for positive child outcomes? 2. Are there potential risks?

30. Does spanking “work”? • Short Term vs. Long Term • Reoccurrence: • Spanking + Alternatives = Alternatives Alone • With Strong-Willed or Aggressive Children: Removal of Spankings = Less Incidences of Misbehaviors

31. Is “turning out well” attributed to spanking? • More likely it’s because of many other factors (warmth, limits, consistency, role-modeling, monitoring, etc.) • Those who don’t “turn out well” – in most all cases were spanked! • Do you care why child behaves? • Internal vs. External Control

32. Considerations Use handout information most relevant to your group Information may be carried over to the next lesson or be a longer session “Stepparenting - What Works” a key handout

33. Lesson FOUR

34. Children Lesson 4 objectives: • Re-frame conflict as normative • Understand what conflict is • Understand types of conflict • Understand behaviors that escalate and de-escalate conflict • Understand and develop appropriate responses to conflictual situations • Understand and develop skills in conflict resolution techniques • Understand that they have a part to play in their family’s conflict level

35. Considerations Point out to children this lesson focuses on skills that are useful in families, even though you won’t be talking specifically about families or stepfamilies.

36. Defining conflict activity • types of conflict activity • conflict resolutions chart • Negotiation activity

37. Negotiation YOUR JOB: • Divide into Group A, Group B, and “Jury” • Assign or let them choose a topic; then assign or let them choose which side to present (pro or con) • 5 minutes to prepare case • 3 minutes to present case (at least 3 members) • Jury writes notes and rates on: • How clearly was the case presented? (1 – not clear – 5 – very clear) • What style of communication was used to present their case? (1 – very negative – 5 – very positive) • After both sides present; jury “deliberates” for 3 minutes and then provides feedback and ratings

38. Negotiation YOUR JOB: • Instruct Group A and Group B to spend 5 minutes talking together. Find one or two points that you agree on or can compromise on. • Jury observes discussion and takes notes and assigns ratings for each Group. • How effective were the groups in finding common ground? (1 – not effective – 5 – very effective) • How did members of each Group communicate? (1 – very negative – 5 very positive). • Jury presents their observations and ratings

39. Group Discussion What kinds of responses help to keep conflict manageable? What kinds of responses make a conflict worse? What helps people to come to an understanding of one another’s points of view? What are some things you have done in the past to work out a disagreement with another person that worked really well? Are there things you’ve done that have made conflict worse? What would you do differently now?

40. Lesson FIVE - Communication Across Households

41. Considerations Recognize that some do not have co-parenting relationships Acknowledge that some children may not have contact with their other parent Encourage children to be respectful when they read the list of needs/rights with their parents Children’s “rights” can be changed to Children’s “needs” if you think it will be misunderstood

42. “Caught in the Middle” SS video

44. Children’s Bill of Rights

45. Lesson SIX - Building Family Strengths

46. Managing Stress • All humans experience stress • Stress affects you emotionally and physically • Too much stress over time puts your health at risk

47. Outlook Skills Outlook Skills: Changing your thinking and attitude about stressors… • I look at my stressors in a positive way. • I don’t get hung up on things that I have no control over. • I use creativity, humor, and spiritual inspiration to improve my outlook. • I truly believe that I am capable of managing my stress and will ultimately be successful.

48. Self Care Skills Self Care Skills: Building up your body to withstand long-term pressure… • I pay attention to my stress signs. • I don’t skip meals. • I keep sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine to a minimum. • I eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains every day. • I drink 6-8 glasses of water a day. • I limit or have eliminated the use of alcohol and tobacco products. • I have received (or would get) help for substance abuse issues. • I do 20 minutes of physical work or exercise 3 times a week. • I have 20 minutes a day of quiet time.

49. Lifestyle Management Skills Lifestyle Management Skills: Managing your environment to promote stress management… • I have relaxing place to go to. • I have control over what I’m involved in and can say “no.” I have control of the way I spend time and energy. • I get rid of stressors that can be eliminated. • I set goals and organize myself in a way to move towards achieving them. • I schedule free time in my day for doing nothing. • I notice stress and take action to manage it.

50. Relationship Strategies Relationship Strategies: Working together With your spouse, partner or other important person to manage stress… • We make each other aware if we notice stress signs in each other. • We talk together about how to manage stress. • We have a supportive relationship; we are “cheerleaders” for each other. • We talk in a supportive way with each other daily. • We have a satisfying sexual relationship.