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Yipsir

Coping with Loneliness, shyness and Rejection. Yipsir. The Experience of Loneliness. Social Loneliness not feeling part of a group of friends not having people with whom to share activities Emotional Loneliness having no one to turn to not being understood as a person. Loneliness.

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Yipsir

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  1. Coping with Loneliness, shyness and Rejection Yipsir

  2. The Experience of Loneliness • Social Loneliness • not feeling part of a group of friends • not having people with whom to share activities • Emotional Loneliness • having no one to turn to • not being understood as a person

  3. Loneliness • a negative experience • a discrepancy between desired and achieved social relations • 單獨 ≠ 孤單 Reflection: Did you feel loneliness, when, where and How’s your thinking and feeling?

  4. Nine Coping Skills Skill 1: Interpreting Loneliness as Changeable Skill 2: Learning to like yourself by using solitude to pursue self-fulfilling activities Skill 3: Being an initiator Skills 4: Perfecting your social skills Skill 5: Practicing the Social Skill of Being Responsive Skill 6: Taking control of your thinking style Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines Skill 8: Developing the ability to make conversation Skill 9: Learning to Tolerate Rejection

  5. Skill 1: Interpreting Loneliness as Changeable Skill 2: Learning to like yourself by using solitude to pursue self-fulfilling activities

  6. Eg. Invite dancing partners

  7. Skill 3: Being an initiator • Effect a secondary appraisal • Take a serious look at your social skills • Strive to overcome shyness and initiate personal contacts • Increase your tolerance for rejection Examples: improper seating in an upper deck bus proper management of eye contacts for shy people

  8. Skills 4: Perfecting your social skills SOCIAL SKILLS TRAINING • Giving personal attention to what the other person is saying • Encouraging the other person to express his / her opinions • Holding up your end of the conversation, but balancing interest in the other person's statements against talking about yourself • Looking your best • Activity: Shaking Hands Casual talk in pairs First impression Equity and emotion theory

  9. Skill 5: Practicing the Social Skill of Being Responsive LEARNING TO BE RESPONSIVE • Motivation; Attentiveness: Empathy; Skill; Activity: Empathetic listening (話中有話 / 弦外之音)

  10. Skill 6: Taking control of your thinking style OVERCOMING SHYNESS - Adaptive explanations for shyness: "It is natural to feel shy at times, but I can learn how to be outgoing in spite of these feelings." Study on the value of rational explanations for shyness

  11. Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (1) Principles for Opening lines • Short and frequent • No premature exposure • Familiarity breeds liking • be prepared to tolerate rejection

  12. Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (2) Preferred and non-preferred opening lines Innocuous “ Do you have a pen?” “ Did you join such kind of course before?” “ Do you understand how to do it?” Direct “ Is it OK if I sit with you?” “ That’s a very pretty (sweater, shirt) you have on.” “ You have really nice hair, eyes.” Cute/flippant “ I’ve got an offer you can’t refuse” “ Isn’t it cold? Let’s make some body heat.”

  13. Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (3) Advice for men - women prefer a soft, non-threatening approach - Innocuous lines minimize vulnerability and give the woman an opportunity to respond without being turned off or driven away - For men who are willing to admit vulnerability, direct opening lines should be considered

  14. Skill 7: Recognizing the value of opening lines (4) Advice for women • Should women take control of their social contracts? • Many men are not used to respond in a gracious manner when being approached by women • Some men tend to interpret any interest shown by a woman as sexual

  15. Skill 8: Developing the ability to make conversation Making conversation (Be a good talker and a good listener) Activity: Share a hobby in pairs (contents, feeling, non-verbal behavoral)

  16. Skill 9: Learning to Tolerate Rejection Mastery-oriented approach View social interactions as an opportunity to develop closeness Primary appraisals: The more I can tolerate rejection, the more people I can meet Performance-oriented approach View social interactions as threatening experience where they are being judged and evaluated. Primary appraisals: If I am rejected, it means I'm unlikable.

  17. The End

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