Hit ‘ em with a Stick

…and Other Ways to Resolve Conflict Hit ‘em with a Stick

If Only It Was This Easy…

What Kinds of Conflicts are You Experiencing in Your Organization? No names, please!

Fight • Verbal attacks (in person, Facebook, email, etc.) • Denial of responsibility • Blaming others • Bringing up others’ faults or past situations • Discredit source of information Flight • Verbal shut-down • Refuses to participate in the conversation • Leaves so as not to be a part of the discussion Fight or Flight

A disagreement that occurs between two or more parties who believe that what each wants is incompatible with what the other wants. • Nature of Conflict • An inevitable and important human process • It is more likely during times of change What is Conflict?

Resolution: • A process of working through opposing views in order to reach a common goal or mutual purpose. • Management: • The long-term approach for predicting and handling conflicts. Conflict management may not have a definitive end as conflict is an inherent part of the communication process. Conflict Resolution versus Conflict Management

What are some of the affects of not managing or resolving conflict?

Reduced productivity • Emotional stress! • Avoidance behavior • Decreased morale and motivation • Undermining of relationships and reputation The Negative Affects

What are some positive outcomes of managing and resolving conflict?

Allows for differing perspectives to be shared • Increased motivation • Creative solutions • Improved communication amongst members… which may lead to less conflict in the future • Better cohesiveness of the organization members and less stress! The Positive Outcomes

Crucial conversations are discussions where: • The stakes are high • Opinions vary • Emotions run strong We typically handle them by: • Avoiding them • Facing them and handling them poorly • Facing them and handling them well • Talking about them…not with them? Crucial Conversations

Here are some possible roots of conflict: Relationships/personal Information Interests (personal and group) External factors Values (organizational and personal) Types of Conflict

Competition – “my way” • Accommodation – “your way” • Compromise – part “my way”, part “your way” • Avoidance – “no way” • Collaboration – “our way” Which approach do you most often take? Resolution Goals

What you say How you say it When and where you say it All in the Approach

“You” statements put people on the defensive and can produce a negative and aggressive response. “You make me feel uncomfortable.” - This places the burden on the receiver. “You” Statements

“I” statements put your own feelings out in the public without putting the other person on the defensive. The risk is taken by the sender. “I felt uncomfortable when we were an hour late for the organization meeting the other night.” “I” Statements

Verbal = the spoken word Non-Verbal = the unspoken cues that are conveyed during the process of communication It is impossible to “not not communicate”. We are constantly in the process of conveying information through our body language, facial expression, and many other symbols of expression. Non-Verbal Communication

It is never (rarely?) a good idea to try to resolve the conflict in the heat of the moment • Talk to the other person when everyone has calmed down • Talk somewhere that is non-threatening to the other person Time and Place

Welcome differences, don’t suppress them. • Focus on shared responsibility, not isolated blame. • Move forward with your efforts, don’t dwell on the past. • Separate the problem from the person(s). • Establish interests, not positions. • Agree on criteria before, not after the conflict is being discussed. • Invent options for mutual gain. • Strive for collaboration, not compromise. • Seek other resources when needed (mediator). Nine Strategies for Handling Conflict

Hit ‘ em with a Stick