Source: www.artwork-walterholl.de/.../ tiere_animals_1.html

1. What do Japanese Youth think about Marriage? Poornika Kumari Seelagama No: 05951015 Source: www.artwork-walterholl.de/.../tiere_animals_1.html

2. Introduction It is said that marriage is a ‘Heavenly Union’. Studies have also indicated that married men live longer than their unmarried counterparts. For example, Emily Durkheim’s research has shown that there is a greater tendency for unmarried men to commit suicide. Even though a simple definition of marriage according to the Oxford Dictionary would be “a formal union between a man and a woman by which they become husband and wife”, marriage is a far more complicated relationship between two and more people that will effect your entire life. To untie the knot is not as easy as tying it, and the independence and freedom that the present day has bestowed on the young people tempt them into relationships little realizing that the decisions they make out of their hearts (and not out of their heads) can effect their whole life ahead. There is a hike in premarital sex, more abortions and more maternal mortality rates as a result, all of this impinging upon later marriage life of a person, and there is also an overall increase in divorce rates as well. • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife • . • Pease, Barbara; Pease, Allan. Why men lie and women cry. London:Orion house (2003) Even though it is still half the rate of the United States, according to Health Ministry statistics, divorces rate in Japan had more than doubled, from just over 95,000 in 1970 to 206,955 in 1996

3. 100% of divorces begin with marriage • Pease, Barbara; Pease, Allan. Why men lie and women cry. London:Orion house (2003) My previous study on Religious Beliefs among Japanese showed a shocking detachment from religion and most studies indicated that the pattern of thinking among Japanese youth is changing rapidly. Therefore it is important to learn what Japanese youth are actually thinking about this very complex institution of marriage. In this study I would focus mainly on gender issues involved in a marriage. The battle of the sexes is present in almost all walks of life and it is the unfair division of labor based on gender that sparks off most domestics quarrels. For example, in Sri Lanka there is a large percentage of women who are subject to domestic violence, unfair division of labor within the household and enjoys very little rights to make important decisions in the family. Thus some marriages fail, and feminist movements make a vociferous protests against the disadvantaged position of the woman in the household; but in most occasions in vain because out of fear and shame the victims do not cooperate.

4. There are prejudices and stereotypes regarding the genders that add fuel to the fires, which I would be taking into question in this survey. Thus what Japanese youth think about marriage and gender issues involved in the family shall be discussed in the study. • What’s the difference between a woman and a terrorist? • You can negotiate with the terrorist. • Pease, Barbara; Pease, Allan. Why men lie and women cry. London:Orion house (2003) • “I am married to Mr. Right; • I just didn’t know his first name is Always” • Pease, Barbara; Pease, Allan. Why men lie and women cry. London:Orion house (2003) **In this study I would also like to compare and contrast Japanese and Sri Lankan attitudes regarding marriage where possible. Sample The sample consisted of 20 randomly selected students of Saga University; They were all aged between 18-24 and they were all single. Female :- 10 Male :- 10 Total :- 20 Questionnaires were administered to these respondents, the data was analyzed and interpreted finally to derive the conclusion

5. Data Analysis • What do you look for in a marriage partner? (Please state preference order) • Loyalty v. Intelligence • Family status vi. Good appearance • Good job vii. Romantic • Understanding It is important to note that 100% of the female respondents rate loyalty as a must in their marriage partner since all of them have ranked it above the 3rd preference. Males consider loyalty as an important characteristic too, but it is slightly varied because one rated it as the fourth preference and another respondent chose not to rate it. Apart from these two respondents males too consider loyalty as a must in their relationship.

6. Understanding is also considered as crucial for a successful marriage by both Japanese young women and men. 100% of women have rated understanding above the 4th preference and 90% have rated it above the 3rd preference. 90% of men also have rated understanding above the 3rd preference. The line chart also indicates that in both sexes percentage of those who rank understanding as the first preference is much higher than when the preference order declines. I was surprised to find out that the characteristic of intelligence gave varied and mixed responses. It is apparent that it is a moderately important attribute for both sexes but in varied degrees.or example, 60% of females are distributed equally across the preference orders 2nd, 4th and 5th. There was only one respondent who valued intelligence as the most important characteristic. It is significant that 20% of males did not even rate this option, implying that it does not even exist in their check list! And the majority of 30% ranked it at the 5th place.

7. This is another instance that exemplifies how different the male and female preferences are. 90% of females respondents claimed good looks appear some where after the 4th place in their preference order. 100% of men on the other hand look for beauty in their partners as one of first four priorities. What is more striking is in most options there was an average of about 20% of males who opt not to rate it. However in this case 100% of males have expressed their choice. This option showed clear-cut difference between male and female thinking. Even though no female respondents have rated this as their first option, 80% of them have rated it above 5th preference. In contrast males think the occupation or the salary of their partner is not important for a happy wedded life. 100% of males have rated it below 5th level and 30% have not evaluated this option at all.

8. It is apparent that only 10% of females rate romantic above the 4th level as against 60% of males who rank it as important within the first four priorities. A majority of 40% of females rate it at the 5th place while a majority of 40% of males rank it at the 6th place.But this trend is overshadowed by the trend indicated by the aforementioned 60% of both categories. I was astonished to find that both young Japanese men and women have family status at the bottom of their priority lists when choosing their partners. Except for one male respondent all the rest have rated it after 6th priority. Family status, most often signified by caste or class status in Sri Lanka is still a very important aspect in choosing marriage partners. This is most often an inevitable aspect in proposed marriages. • The following is an interesting email circulated on the internet that satirizes a common male attitude.

9. The Magical Elevator

10. Please wait here! I will do the check-in and then come back!

11. This is a couple from Melanesia. They were traveling in a plane for the first time in their lives. They are very kind people.

12. It‘s the first time they are in contact with the modern world. But don‘t worry they are clean.

13. What‘s an elevator ? Having no clue!

19. Wife, you next!!!

20. 2. Do you think virginity is an issue in marriage? The results of this question did not surprise me because I have heard that most modern Japanese youth; especially college students live together with their lovers. 100% of males answered that they do not think virginity matters for a successful marriage. 90% of women also agreed upon this notion except for one female respondent. At least here is one point where men and women agree with!

21. 3. Please check the statements you agree with. • The husband should help the wife in the kitchen; especially if she is a career woman. • It is the wife’s responsibility to look after the children, teach them manners, help them with their homework etc. • The husband should repair broken pipes, wash the car, etc; they are more masculine tasks. • As the head of the household, the husband deserves the lion’s share of meals, and he should be served first. 1. There is almost universal agreement in both genders that the husband should help the wife in household chores etc especially if she is a career woman. 95% of both males and females agree upon this; especially 100% of females think this should be a must. 2. Only 20% of the total respondents agree with this statement that it is the wife’s responsibility to socialize their offspring but it is significant that 15% of this portion are males.

22. 3. Once again out of the 40% of respondents who agree that the husband should repair broken pipes etc and perform more masculine tasks, 30% are male respondents. 4. A 30% of respondents agree that since the husband is the head of the household .It follows that therefore he is entitled for special and sometime inequitable advantages in the family. Out of the 30% who agree with this statement, 20% are most naturally men as I expected, but 10% percent of females agreeing upon this did not surprise me either. This matter will be discussed in the interpretation of data in more detail.

23. 4. Who do you think should handle the household economy? • i. The husband- because he is the head of the household •   ii. The wife- women are good at managing money • iii. Husband and wife should handle their salaries separately The chart shows that most women (70%) suggest that the husband and wife should spend their salaries separately. 30% of the female respondents on the other hand think that women should handle the house hold economy. There is only a 20% of the total male respondents who think it is a good idea for the spouses to spend separately. 60% of the males think the wife should take care of the household economy, while there is a 20% who think the husband is capable of handling the household economy merely because he is the head of the house hold. It is significant that none of the female respondents are hoping to allow their husbands to look after the money matters.

24. 5. Do you think it is important for a woman (wife) to do a job?     i. Yes, because living expenses are rising 2)      ii. Yes, because a job gives women more freedom and independence. 3)      iii. No, because the wife’s job is to cook, look after the children and attend household chores. 4)      iv. I have no comments. It is apparent that 70% of all respondents agree that it is important for the wife to engage in an occupation for whatever reason. One male respondent said he does not think it is important, three males and two females had no comments. What is interesting is the reason for their answer “Yes”. Most men (4 out of the 6 males who said yes) said so because living expenses are rising and they need an extra income to keep the home fires burning. In opposition to this, 6 out of 8 women who said yes said so because an occupation would give them more independence and freedom. Therefore it is apparent that males and females view this issue in different angle angles.

25. 6. Who should make family planning decisions?     i. The wife; it is she who has to carry the burden. ii. The husband; he is the head of the household and he should make chief decisions iii. It should be a joint decision of the husband and wife iv. Others (in-laws, government laws etc) 90% of the total sample agree that family planning decisions should be a joint decision of both the husband and wife. However there was one male who claimed that it is the right of the husband since he is the chief decision maker of the house hold, and one female respondent claimed it should be made by other sources like in-laws, government laws etc.

26. Interpretationof Data • Both young Japanese men and women rate loyalty and understanding as the top priority in their marriage. Despite rapid Westernization it appears that Japanese people retain these two important aspects which are very important to keep a relationship steady. Japanese people are stereotyped for their honesty and loyalty. Perhaps they were simply socialized into this attribute so as to expect the same from one’s partner. It could also be that the major westernization, and living-together concept has exposed them to many incidents of infidelity that brought about stress and frustration, therefore they expect loyalty and understanding from their marriage partners. • Women expect their husbands to be intelligent and diligent. This was apparent in the data analysis. I believe that it is an unconscious form of dependence upon the bread winner of the family, which I think we also inherited from human evolution. Thus consciously or unconsciously Japanese women are still dependant on their husbands. But I expected more men to have intelligence within the first four categories as in the fast moving present day men expect their wives to handle most tasks with intelligence and to assist them in the rat race of life rather than totally depending on him, or messing things up. The women’s duties are also spread in a wide scope than in the past. • Similarly, women showing more concern about their husband’s/ fiancé's salary or job signals out the fact that Japanese women unconsciously or consciously accept the fact that he is the bread winner of the family. Another cause could be that the status of the family is decided by the status of the head of the household- the husband. This is the trend in most (or almost all) patriarchal societies. Males displaying less interest in their wife’s job or salary could also be explained within the same context. This is a very common in Sri Lanka where sometimes in proposed marriages the occupation of the

27. Man could actually find him a fair wife! • It is not surprising that Japanese young men look for beauty as a top priority in their marriage partners. I feel it is a biologically designed strategy for reproduction. Almost every where in the world men like to marry attractive women. For example, a typical marriage proposal in a Sri Lankan news paper might quote; • “Bodu Govi. parents seek fair, beautiful, young woman for their young looking 43 year old doctor son, from the same caste. Contact with a copy of the horoscope” • The characteristic of romantic could also be linked with the previous characteristic. It was evident that more young men look for romantic partners than women who do not keep it among their first priorities. It could also be derived from their expectation for the wife to be the nurturing kind, loving and caring. However I am pleased to find that most young Japanese women are too sensible to be deluded by the ‘romantic lover’. In Sri Lanka being the ‘ideal handsome, romantic lover’ is a snare to entrap young teenage girls to rush them into relationships that will only fleece them and the lover usually disappears soon after he gets what he wants. • The equality that the Japanese society entertains could explain why almost every respondent claimed that family status of their partner is not important. As the above example elucidates, Sri Lankans are very particular about social status especially in proposed marriages. Highly cast minded people may go to extreme ends to stop a union between their son or daughter with a person of a lower caste.

28. I was not surprised to find out that both Japanese young men and women do not think virginity is an issue in marriage. The only reason I think is the increasing independence, and freedom that has allowed the young people into the much American custom of living-together. It is also obvious that not all of them marry the same partner that they lived together with. However in Sri Lanka, virginity is still an issue in most cases. Even though practices such as the virginity test conducted by the in-laws of the newly wedded bride is rarely practiced nowadays, simply having an affair with a man and marrying another may be fodder for curious neighbors, a stigma for the woman and like handing the hatchet to the mother-in-law. In most occasions, especially it is enough to label the woman as having a loose character. • Since the fast moving world finds many career women, it is inevitable that most Japanese men agree that they should help their wives in the kitchen. However this does not mean the division of labor within the family is eliminated. 15% out of the 20% who agreed that it is the wife’s responsibility to socialize their children. In Sri Lanka one could point many instances where the mother is blamed for the misdeeds of the daughter or the son. In most societies and language this is the actual practical situation where consciously or unconsciously the mother is held responsible for the behavior of the children. Hence the disagreeable saying “son of a bitch” and not “son of a dog” • .Regarding division of labor 40% agree that it is the husband’s task to perform more masculine work. It is important to notice that 30% of those who agreed with this were males. The many studies conducted by Barbara and Allan Pease indicate that men would only be too pleased to perform these tasks since they display masculinty and authority. For example; “Calling the plumber without first consulting the man of the house can be taken as a major insult. “Most men would rather saw off their right leg than admit that they cannot fix something” (Pease, Barbara; Pease, Allan. Why Men Lie and Women Cry. London:Orion House (2003)). So Japanese men do display authority in one way or another!

29. 30% of the respondents agree that as the head of the hold the husband is eligible for fringe benefits such as the right to be served warm fresh food and the lion’s share of the meal simply because he is the head of the household. 20% of these attitude bearers are males, and therefore Japanese young women might have to expect this expectation from their future husbands. This could be a tradition brought down from the generation, and since family meals are usually taken together and seeing their mother serve their father first with the lion’s share of the meal, he children tend to think it is the best and the most natural way to treat the father. Busy schedules, dual career marriages, overtime work and business trips may not allow the families to dine together and perhaps this custom shall not perpetuate. • It is also apparent that the trend in Japan is either for the wife to handle the household economy or as the present day dual career marriages allow the husband and the wife to spend their salaries separately. The traditional method was for the wife to handle thriftily what the husband earns; hence some young men are still inspired by what they see at their own homes. But the career women have been bestowed with more independence and freedom that they prefer to look after their own wallet. • Even though men and women both agree that the wife should do a job, they agree so for different reasons. The present day Japanese women are educated and more independent, capable and diligent and therefore a career spells freedom and independence, a breakaway from the monotony of the household chores and broader horizons. Men prefer their wives to take up jobs only because living expenses are skyrocketing and they could do with a few additional bucks. However one cannot draw clear cut boundaries between the two reasons. But there is a question whether the husbands would prefer their wives to stay at home if the living expenses were within manageable limits.

30. 90% of the respondents claiming that family planning decisions should be a joint decision of both the husband and the wife signals equality and understanding in marriage. Since the respondents were all single, and their answers were only what they aspire, there could be differences in the practical life. One cannot also ignore the fact that in such a small sample there was one male who thinks that family planning should be the decision of the husband and one female who thinks it should be the decision of others such as in-laws and government laws. In a larger sample, such opinions could be more significant. In Sri Lanka there is an unfortunate tendency for the husband to make the family planning decisions. This phenomenon is clearly visible among the tea estate community and the more rural dwellers where the authority of the head of the household is over powering. Thus there is a clear majority of female sterilization operations than the surgically simpler vasectomy.

31. Finally one can safely predict that Japanese women enjoy more freedom and independence in the family than most societies. At least they have reached levels that cannot be complained of. BUT it does not mean that they have achieved total equality in the family. There is an unpremeditated division of labor, gender biased attitudes that shall perpetuate. I believe that as long as differences between sex exists, the differences between gender is unavoidable, be it within marriage or any institution in the society.

32. The End

33. Sources • Pease, Barbara; Pease, Allan. Why men lie and women cry. London:Orion house (2003) • http://thobackpaw.com/gamer/Gamer.html • http://socialwork.arts.unsw.edu.au/tsw/Cartoons.html • http://thebackpew.com/gamer/Gamer.html

34. What Japanese youth think about Marriage • What do you look for in a marriage partner? (Please state preference order) • Loyalty v. Intelligence • Family status vi. Good appearance • Good job vii. Romantic • Understanding • 2. Do you think virginity is an issue in marriage? • Yes ii. No iii. No comments • 3. Please check the statements you agree with. • The husband should help the wife in the kitchen; especially if she is a career woman. • It is the wife’s responsibility to look after the children, teach them manners, help them with their homework etc. • The husband should repair broken pipes, wash the car, etc; they are more masculine tasks. • As the head of the household, the husband deserves the lion’s share of meals, and he should be served first.

35. 4. Who do you think should handle the household economy? • i. The husband- because he is the head of the household •   ii. The wife- women are good at managing money • iii. Husband and wife should handle their salaries separately • 5. Do you think it is important for a woman (wife) to do a job? •     i. Yes, because living expenses are rising • 2)      ii. Yes, because a job gives women more freedom and independence. • 3)      iii. No, because the wife’s job is to cook, look after the children and attend household chores. • 4)      iv. I have no comments. • 6. Who should make family planning decisions? •     i. The wife; it is she who has to carry the burden. • ii. The husband; he is the head of the household and he should make chief decisions • iii. It should be a joint decision of the husband and wife • iv. Others (in-laws, government laws etc)