Chapter 7 Emotions & Communication

1. Chapter 7Emotions & Communication What am I feeling? Is that right? How do I constructively express feelings?

2. Saarni & Goleman Saarni-first originated emotional competence Goleman-capitalized on it with Emotional Intelligence, the IQ of emotional competency

3. Getting to Know You I think about & reflect on my emotions I can express my emotions to others I understand the causes & effects of my emotions I use my emotions to improve my relationships I am able to experience both positive & negative feelings I can accurately identify the emotions other people are feeling I know the difference between emotions & moods I can reorganize my thoughts on the basis of what I’m feeling I understand how emotions change over time I can manage my own emotions effectively

4. What are Emotions?4 Components 1. Physiological-bodily changes occur 2. Nonverbal reactions-observable changes- Powerful way in expressing/conveying emotions 3. Cognitive interpretations-the mind’s role in determining emotional state 4. Verbal expression-sometimes words are necessary & cannot rely on perceptiveness to sure you are understood accurately

5. Different Degrees of Intensity

6. Emotions Many Forms • 3 Categories per Laura Guerreoro: • Joyful & Affectionate • Hostile • Sad & Anxious

7. Joyful/Affectionate Emotions Happiness-state of contentment, joy, pleasure, and cheer Love & Passion-love has many forms & is a remarkably powerful emotion motivating people to behave in ways they otherwise would not. Passion-mixes feelings of joy & surprise with experiences of excitement & attraction Liking-product of overall evaluation of another All distinct emotions & can have similar effects on interpersonal communication

8. Hostile Emotions Anger-emotional response to being wronged Contempt-One of the more harmful emotions for relationships-leads to feeling you’re better than someone else-express it through insults, mocking, put-downs, belittling, making fun of, signaling other is stupid or incompetent, all sending messages of judgment, disapproval & disrespect Disgust-feeling of revulsion in reaction to something offensive-probably developed as an instinctive reaction to prevent us from consuming rancid/unclean food-people abhor others whose values, beliefs or behaviors are opposite

9. More Hostile Emotions Jealousy-perception that the existence or quality of relationship is being threatened by 3rd party-used interchangeably with Envy-2 different emotions-mixes 3 emotions-fear, anger, sadness Envy-the desire for something another has-highly relevant to us-can be a motivator, too

10. Sad/Anxious Emotions Sadness-emotion involving felling unhappy, sorrowful, discouraged-some form of a loss (usually person/termination of relationship)-expressing includes frowning, crying disengaging from routine activities, speaking quietly, slowly, w/o energy Depression-physical illness involving excessive fatigue, insomnia, changes in weight, feelings of worthlessness &/or thoughts of suicide-debilitating-lead to job loss, divorce, social isolation, strained relationships

11. More Sad/Anxious Emotions Grief-emotional process of dealing with profound loss-steps involved with grieving process Fear-mind & body’s reaction to perceived danger-purpose is to keep us safe from harm Social Anxiety-fear of not making a good impression on others-

12. Influences on Emotions Physiological Response Emotion Stimulus • Physiological • ORGANISMIC-James & Lange • Physical first, then emotions-most instinctual Example: Almost hit garbage on freeway—swerve—heart racing, sweaty palms, etc.--FEAR

13. Influences on Emotions • Perceptual • APPRAISAL THEORY • Subjective perceptions shape external phenomena, gaining meaning only as we attribute significance to them Example: Taking a test—low test score—not very smart— (event)(perception of event)(interpretation) disappointment/shame, etc. (response)

14. Influences on Emotions • COGNITIVE LABELING-how you label the physiological response –use of language Example: Taking a test—low test score—anxious— (event)(physiological-knot-in-stomach) (label response w/ language) disappointment/shame, etc. (response-comes from label not perception)

15. Social Influences • Hochschild-Interactive View of Emotions • Framing Rules-define emotional meaning • Feeling Rules-right to feel or expected to feel • Deep Acting-control inner feelings • Surface Acting-control outward expression • Emotion Work-effort made to think about what is appropriate in situations-allows engaging in deep acting

16. Obstacles • Social Expectations • Gender • Vulnerability-Risky/disky • Protecting Others • Social & Professional Roles

17. Why We are Ineffective in Expressing our Emotions • 1. Speaking in Generalities-What does the speaker really feel? • General & abstract statements • “I feel bad”, “I’m happy”, “I’m fine”, “I’m frustrated” Angry, confused, hurt, anxious, disappointed, etc. Tend to recognize only a few emotions leaving us with limited emotional vocab to clearly communicate

18. More Ineffectiveness • Not owning feelings • Use too much “you” language You made me ! Need to reword statement to make it your own I feel angry when you do not follow through on what you say you will do. I feel (emotion) when you (describe the behavior).

19. Ineffectiveness cont. • Counterfeit Emotional Language-language that seems to express emotions but does not actually describe what a person is feeling. • Why can’t you leave me alone!-no feeling • That’s just how I feel!-figure it out first • I feel this discussion is getting off onto another subject.-states a thought not a feeling

20. Facilitativevs Debilitative Contribute to effective functioning Vs Detract from effective functioning Characteristics: • intensity • duration

21. Irrational Thinking & Debilitative Emotions Fallacy of Perfection Fallacy of Approval Fallacy of Shoulds Fallacy of Overgeneralization Fallacy of Causation Fallacy of Helplessness Fallacy of Catastrophic Expectations

22. Minimizing Debilitative Emotions Monitor emotional reactions Note the activating event Record your self-talk Reappraise your irrational beliefs