What is father engagement

1. What is �father engagement�? And how do you do it?

2. Why father engagement? Recent reforms to family law Shared parenting plans obligatory Best interests of child BUT Mums and dads can react differently Men�s reluctance to seek help is most often seen as a social construction AND ALSO Practitioner beliefs may influence the process REFORMS: The new approach requires separating families to make workable arrangements for their children, and it provides support through community-based services to assist with this process without the parents having to go to court. community-based services provide child focused or child inclusive dispute resolution sessions (see Moloney & McIntosh 2004), child-focused group parenting programs (see McIntosh & Moloney 2006) and family counselling, all designed to engage both fathers and mothers. SHARED PARENTING: the focus of these interventions of mediation the �best interest of the child�, in the light of research that indicates the negative impact on children of their parents� ongoing disputes (McIntosh 2003) BUT Mums and dads can react differently AND We know less about dads than mums However, we do know that Men�s reluctance to seek help is primarily a social construction (Galdas, Cheater et al. 2004; Smith, Braunack-Mayer et al. 2006). That is, community and cultural beliefs influence men's behaviour. Social expectations of masculine behaviours and attitudes (Schaub & Williams 2007) influence both the perception that help seeking may be beneficial (Wong, Pituch et al. 2006) and the manner in which assistance is sought (Smith, Braunack-Mayer et al. 2006). REFORMS: The new approach requires separating families to make workable arrangements for their children, and it provides support through community-based services to assist with this process without the parents having to go to court. community-based services provide child focused or child inclusive dispute resolution sessions (see Moloney & McIntosh 2004), child-focused group parenting programs (see McIntosh & Moloney 2006) and family counselling, all designed to engage both fathers and mothers. SHARED PARENTING: the focus of these interventions of mediation the �best interest of the child�, in the light of research that indicates the negative impact on children of their parents� ongoing disputes (McIntosh 2003) BUT Mums and dads can react differently AND We know less about dads than mums However, we do know that Men�s reluctance to seek help is primarily a social construction (Galdas, Cheater et al. 2004; Smith, Braunack-Mayer et al. 2006). That is, community and cultural beliefs influence men's behaviour. Social expectations of masculine behaviours and attitudes (Schaub & Williams 2007) influence both the perception that help seeking may be beneficial (Wong, Pituch et al. 2006) and the manner in which assistance is sought (Smith, Braunack-Mayer et al. 2006).

3. Ask the experts mediators, counsellors & therapists working in mediation or dispute resolution counselling Since these are important questions in the light of the need to engage both parents, and that fathers can be different to engage than mothers, there is a need to explore the concept further. Who would have knowledge and experience of working with men? Practitioners who work in family services work with men and fathers in many different contexts, and approaching these counsellors was one way of tapping into the expertise of the practitioner. As Sophie Holmes (2006) describes it: through years of experience, practitioners can develop a �large reservoir of explicit and tacit clinical and relational knowledge�, which can be used in expert ways. For instance, one of our participants stated that their clients wanted a counsellor to be �skilful, confident, worldly in terms of having had life experience and as performing as a life coach�.!! It is this rich reservoir of experience and expertise that we were able to tap into through the research method of focus groups.Since these are important questions in the light of the need to engage both parents, and that fathers can be different to engage than mothers, there is a need to explore the concept further. Who would have knowledge and experience of working with men? Practitioners who work in family services work with men and fathers in many different contexts, and approaching these counsellors was one way of tapping into the expertise of the practitioner. As Sophie Holmes (2006) describes it: through years of experience, practitioners can develop a �large reservoir of explicit and tacit clinical and relational knowledge�, which can be used in expert ways. For instance, one of our participants stated that their clients wanted a counsellor to be �skilful, confident, worldly in terms of having had life experience and as performing as a life coach�.!! It is this rich reservoir of experience and expertise that we were able to tap into through the research method of focus groups.

4. What is father engagement? Good scientists will always annoy others with their requests for definitions. However, for the important concept of engagement, there is little consensus on what it is or how it might be assessed. We know that engagement of clients in their counselling and therapy sessions is associated with positive outcomes for them (**), but we don�t really know what it looks like, especially for fathers. Through our synthesis of the literature and analysis of the focus group data, we established a working definition for engagement to be, �The position whereby the father has maintained over time, a dialogue with the practitioner that focuses on fathering, with a goal of achieving an outcome in the child's best interests.� The rest of this presentation discusses what two important steps practitioners took to maintain dialogues and facilitate responsibility taking. I also present what we found to be four areas of competency described by the practitioners.Good scientists will always annoy others with their requests for definitions. However, for the important concept of engagement, there is little consensus on what it is or how it might be assessed. We know that engagement of clients in their counselling and therapy sessions is associated with positive outcomes for them (**), but we don�t really know what it looks like, especially for fathers. Through our synthesis of the literature and analysis of the focus group data, we established a working definition for engagement to be, �The position whereby the father has maintained over time, a dialogue with the practitioner that focuses on fathering, with a goal of achieving an outcome in the child's best interests.� The rest of this presentation discusses what two important steps practitioners took to maintain dialogues and facilitate responsibility taking. I also present what we found to be four areas of competency described by the practitioners.

5. We know a father is engaged when he Tells the practitioner about himself Explores problems Laughs or cries Asks questions Acknowledges the mother positively Makes further bookings & pays fees Signs of father engagement Tells the practitioner about himself Explores problems Laughs or cries Asks questions Acknowledges the mother positively Makes further bookings & pays fees Tells the practitioner about himself Explores problems Laughs or cries Asks questions Acknowledges the mother positively Makes further bookings & pays fees

6. Barriers to father engagement Difficult to engage fathers when Feeling �battered�, �marginalised� Feeling vulnerable Seemingly self absorbed Using kids as tools against the mother Talking about their �rights� Holding unhelpful beliefs Feeling �battered�, �marginalised� by previous experiences by the Family Court system. Feeling vulnerable � stress from the break-up, difficulty in talking about emotions Self absorbed � problems with alcohol, drugs or depression Kids as tools Talking about their �rights� concerning property and money Kids as tools: Holding unhelpful beliefs: Practitioners described some fathers as having beliefs that relationship conversation was a feminine characteristic, and noted their anxiety about embarking on what they perceived as �secret female business� (FGT 01: 16), including suspicions of the practitioner �siding with the women� (FGT 02: 23). Feeling �battered�, �marginalised� by previous experiences by the Family Court system. Feeling vulnerable � stress from the break-up, difficulty in talking about emotions Self absorbed � problems with alcohol, drugs or depression Kids as tools Talking about their �rights� concerning property and money Kids as tools: Holding unhelpful beliefs: Practitioners described some fathers as having beliefs that relationship conversation was a feminine characteristic, and noted their anxiety about embarking on what they perceived as �secret female business� (FGT 01: 16), including suspicions of the practitioner �siding with the women� (FGT 02: 23).

7. How do practitioners do it? Our analysis of what practitioners told us about engaging fathers led us to two themes Respect Acknowledging that fathers are valued members of society Reframing This is described by Benjamin (in Fisher, 2000) as redirecting the meaning of a communication to �allow for its more constructive use� without distorting the meaning entirely. Our analysis of what practitioners told us about engaging fathers led us to two themes Respect Acknowledging that fathers are valued members of society Reframing This is described by Benjamin (in Fisher, 2000) as redirecting the meaning of a communication to �allow for its more constructive use� without distorting the meaning entirely.

8. Respect Fathers as valued members of society Validating Normalising Help them �neutralise suspicion towards the system� Not being judged The father as the expert His feelings acknowledged Encourage fathers� stories Fathers as valued members of society Validating � through rapport, empathy, connectedness Normalising � its OK to feel this Help them �neutralise suspicion towards the system� Not being judged � not same as the Family Court The father as the expert � acknowledging him as the central figure His feelings acknowledged � make these transparent, acknowledge they exist, whether anger or sadness, show is OK to demonstrate these Encourage fathers� stories � so fathers can reflect on their experiences, and so gain from this by seeing origins of beliefs and values, also practitioners getting to know fathers �where they are at�. Fathers as valued members of society Validating � through rapport, empathy, connectedness Normalising � its OK to feel this Help them �neutralise suspicion towards the system� Not being judged � not same as the Family Court The father as the expert � acknowledging him as the central figure His feelings acknowledged � make these transparent, acknowledge they exist, whether anger or sadness, show is OK to demonstrate these Encourage fathers� stories � so fathers can reflect on their experiences, and so gain from this by seeing origins of beliefs and values, also practitioners getting to know fathers �where they are at�.

9. Reframing Clarifying the climate of expectations Fathers �playing catch-up in parenting and relationships� From breadwinner to multi-role New conditions empowering for dads Learning responsibility & vigilance Collaboration with ex-spouse Seeking mediation a �positive step� Clarifying the climate of expectations - new environment that emphasises the importance of children having access to both parents, thus an equal value for fathering as for mothering. In this climate fathers do not have to �seek permission to have the children�. A positive step - achieved by framing the father�s intentions to seek resolution as a positive step: �you are taking control over your own life� (FGT02: 39). Clarifying the climate of expectations - new environment that emphasises the importance of children having access to both parents, thus an equal value for fathering as for mothering. In this climate fathers do not have to �seek permission to have the children�. A positive step - achieved by framing the father�s intentions to seek resolution as a positive step: �you are taking control over your own life� (FGT02: 39).

10. How do they perceive f-e competency? As knowledge of history and theory Child development Family dynamics Parenting after separation Feminist theories of power Theoretical background of fathering We found that practitioners like yourselves discussed four core areas of skill and knowledge The first: demonstrated knowledge of historical and theoretical background to fathering. We found that practitioners like yourselves discussed four core areas of skill and knowledge The first: demonstrated knowledge of historical and theoretical background to fathering.

11. As occupational and ethical responsibility �the core of DR relationship specialist means that you are looking from the point of view of children� �if I�m judging this person and scrutinising this person I am not going to get anywhere with them� How do they perceive f-e competency? The central principle that practitioners claim to uphold in their work with parents is the welfare of the child, so that all discussions with fathers revolved around consideration of the child. The central principle that practitioners claim to uphold in their work with parents is the welfare of the child, so that all discussions with fathers revolved around consideration of the child.

12. How do they perceive f-e competency? As demonstrated by cultural sensitivity Recognise cultural/legal/social disjunction Aware of media�s portrayal of men Alert to stereotyped beliefs Be aware of gender differences Be aware of individual differences Recognise cultural lag of the law � law ahead of culture, range of individual beliefs clashing with new laws. Use �legislation to counter myths� Aware of media�s portrayal of fathers - Alert of stereotyped beliefs in community as well as their own: that mothers should look after the kids, that mothers make up allegations of abuse �Be aware of gender differences � men have not �processed� emotions full of strong emotions that they do not express easily willing to talk once they feel �safe� mediation more �business like�, not about �love structure� men are �more cognitive� and �respond quite well to facts and factual presentations� �men once engaged make great clients because they have someone to talk to� 5. Be aware of individual differences �men are different, one size doesn�t fit all, so need to be creative in your wording to suit the variety� fathers not necessarily the same as �men in general� men have far more in common with women than not Differences in emotionality, responsibility or use of power due to personality not gender father equals human being, engagement is the same�Recognise cultural lag of the law � law ahead of culture, range of individual beliefs clashing with new laws. Use �legislation to counter myths� Aware of media�s portrayal of fathers - Alert of stereotyped beliefs in community as well as their own: that mothers should look after the kids, that mothers make up allegations of abuse �Be aware of gender differences � men have not �processed� emotions full of strong emotions that they do not express easily willing to talk once they feel �safe� mediation more �business like�, not about �love structure� men are �more cognitive� and �respond quite well to facts and factual presentations� �men once engaged make great clients because they have someone to talk to� 5. Be aware of individual differences �men are different, one size doesn�t fit all, so need to be creative in your wording to suit the variety� fathers not necessarily the same as �men in general� men have far more in common with women than not Differences in emotionality, responsibility or use of power due to personality not gender father equals human being, engagement is the same�

13. How do they perceive f-e competency? As demonstrated by self-reflectiveness Own beliefs Own relationships with men Using interpersonal and emotional skills Empathy Openness Authenticity Resilience One of the purposes for this reflection was to become aware of the impact that personal beliefs might have on professional practice, and the process of reflection was one way of bringing these implicit beliefs into the open: �holding [a] belief as a practitioner is not the problem: it is when it impacts on work� (FG 06: 61). Empathy was characterised as being caring, warm and friendly, to be �available on their terms� (FGT01), through sensitivity and understanding. �encourages disclosure; capacity to understand the man beneath the agro! �(FG05: 60) Good interpersonal skills most needed in initial stages of mediation, when the barriers might be stronger acting as red light � �work harder to bring in� �If you can talk their language and accept their language and just be � you connect with them much faster. (FG04) One of the purposes for this reflection was to become aware of the impact that personal beliefs might have on professional practice, and the process of reflection was one way of bringing these implicit beliefs into the open: �holding [a] belief as a practitioner is not the problem: it is when it impacts on work� (FG 06: 61). Empathy was characterised as being caring, warm and friendly, to be �available on their terms� (FGT01), through sensitivity and understanding. �encourages disclosure; capacity to understand the man beneath the agro! �(FG05: 60) Good interpersonal skills most needed in initial stages of mediation, when the barriers might be stronger acting as red light � �work harder to bring in� �If you can talk their language and accept their language and just be � you connect with them much faster. (FG04)

14. So how is it done?

15. Thank you for attending More information? Richard.Fletcher@newcastle.edu.au Jennifer.Stgeorge@newcastle.edu.au Australian Fathers Research Network www.aracy.org.au/AM/Template.cfm?Section=RFletcher Family Action Centre, University of Newcastle www.newcastle.edu.au/centre/fac/efp/index.html