Called to Married Life

1. Called to Married Life Vocation: Our Response to God’s Call Chapter Six

2. A Definition of a Love Relationship; • Love is: • a unifying response between two people • who care for and have said “yes” to each other’s total being. • It presumes mutual acceptance, of each other, freedom and trust • and it seeks the fulfillment and happiness of the other as a common goal.

3. Decide to Care! • Agape = “To wish well” – To desire the total good of others. • The core of all love is caring. • To truly love another is to care unselfishly about the other person’s total welfare in the context of that person’s real life circumstances. • Genuine love always desires good and not harm. • Loving is a free decision to care.

4. The Four LovesFrederick Buechner • The love for equals is a human thing---of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles.The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing---the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world.The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing---to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints.And then there is the love for the enemy---love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world. • Source: The Magnificent Defeat

5. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoings, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

6. The Shema • “Hear O’ Israel,The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. Therefore, you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and with all of your soul, and with all of your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-5)

7. The Law of Love “You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, and with all of your mind. [and] You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37 & 39)

8. The Corporal Works of Mercy • Feed the hungry • Give drink to the thirsty • Clothe the naked • Shelter the homeless • Visit the sick • Ransom the captive • Bury the dead

9. The Spiritual Works of Mercy • Instruct the ignorant • Counsel the doubtful • Admonish the sinner • Bear wrongs patiently • Forgive offences • Comfort the afflicted • Pray for the living and the dead

10. Infatuation Happens quickly; often one-sided Doesn’t know or want to know the other’s faults Concentrates on: Physical appearance Social or financial status Immediate sexual gratification Leaves one insecure or in emotional turmoil Love Develops over time & is mutually supportive Knows the other’s weaknesses & faults and still accepts them Cares about the inner person & trusts Increases: Self-confidence Security Peace Strengthens inner convictions Attraction

11. Stages of Love • Researchers say: • Passion • Intimacy & contented attraction • Commitment • Generally speaking • A mystery that each person experiences uniquely • The standard stages or • Grow gradually into love without initial attraction or • May remain a quiet, reassuring friendship or contentment.

12. The Choice to Love • “More Than a Feeling” • Feelings come and go • If we only love people when we feel like loving them we will never have a lasting relationship • Choices become commitments • Love is “something that we do” • When we choose to love someone we act for their benefit, not our own. • If you “Lost that Loving Feeling” it does not mean that you do not love the person anymore.

13. Covenant: Promise of Lasting Love • Marriage is a sacred, solemn promise – a covenant like the one God made with us. • “I will never forsake you.” • Marriage is the couple’s mutual promise of a lifetime of faithful love. • Fidelity • The Catholic Church holds that every true marriage is a freely chosen, permanent, sacred covenant. • A Sacrament of Service to Community. • We tend to pattern our relationships after the ones we experienced at home. • God is Love, Pope Benedict XVI • Marriage Preparation Classes Required!

14. Marriage Preparation: Why?Something Special & Sacred • High divorce rate • More time and $ spent on preparing for the wedding then the marriage • Wedding is for a day • Marriage is for a lifetime • Catholic Church requires six months of marriage prep classes • More than just a legal contract • A covenant – A Sacrament

15. Handling Conflicts Decision Making Handling Relationship Problems Family Background & Relatives Being Faithful Friendships Intimacy Ideals & Expectations Personal Priorities & Standards Marriage Preparation: Re-creating Your Relationship = Growth • Communication • Goals & Plans • Religion • Money • Sexuality • Lifestyle • Roles • Household Management • Children & Family Life • Leisure Time

16. A Covenant of Love • A solemn promise, a sacred covenant, like the one God has made with us. The love of God for the Church. • A bond of unity between one man and one woman, a bond that is of God from the very beginning of creation. • A mutual promise of a lifetime of faithful love, a shared commitment. • Fidelity • More than just not committing adultery.

17. Types of Marriage Within the Church • Sacramental Marriage (two baptized Christians) • Two Catholic Christians • Catholic Marriage • A Catholic and non-Catholic Christian • Mixed Marriage • Non-Sacramental Marriage • A Catholic and non-Christian • Disparity of Cult Marriage • The Church blesses the vows of love in both of these cases and considers each type of marriage to be valid and indissoluble

18. Separation, Divorce and Annulment • Separation • A married couple living apart from each other yet still being in a legal and maybe Sacramental marriage. • Divorce • The ending of a marriage contract by a court of law. • This only effects the legal union, not the sacramental union. • Annulment • A decision by the Church that a sacramental marriage never existed in the first place. • A person who has obtained both a legal divorce from the state and a Declaration of Nullity from the Church is permitted to seek a Sacramental marriage in the Church.

19. Some final notes… • All of us tend to pattern relationships on the ones we’ve grown up experiencing in the home • Any relationship must be recreated if it is to grow. • Read Pope Benedict’s first encyclical entitled “God is Love”. It speaks of love in very beautiful, powerful and practical terms. • Living out our baptismal call is all about relationships.

20. Some final notes… • Marriage is a calling and should be discerned like any call. • During Jesus’ time, marriage was seen as • A vehicle for ensuring the birth/care of children • Transferring of property • Often arranged • Characterized by fidelity

21. Some final notes… • Jesus brought a new understanding to Marriage, which we still hold to today: • Freely chosen • Indissoluble Note: The only teaching that is more important than the indissolubility of marriage is the sanctity and dignity of human life. Traditions • Giving away the bride originally symbolized a transfer of property. • LOVE IS A UNIFYING RESPONSE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE!