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Talking Clearly & Safely

Talking Clearly & Safely. Communication that Builds Connection. Talking Is Hardest When It Counts Most. Having a disagreement Needing to share something personal and sensitive. Easy to fall into bad patterns: Less safety Less communication More conflict.

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Talking Clearly & Safely

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  1. Talking Clearly & Safely Communication that Builds Connection

  2. Talking Is Hardest When It Counts Most • Having a disagreement • Needing to share something personal and sensitive Easy to fall into bad patterns: Less safety Less communication More conflict

  3. What Are Common Mistakes When Speaking and Upset?

  4. Common Mistakes When Speaking and Upset 1. Attacking, being accusatory 2. Exaggeration 3. Rambling, being confusing 4. Being vague or too indirect

  5. What Are Common Mistakes When Listening and Upset?

  6. Common Mistakes When Listening and Upset 1. Only preparing what to say back • Interrupting 2. Distracted by feelings • Anger • Defensiveness 3. Selective hearing • Assumptions, jumping to conclusions

  7. What Might We Do If We Feel Misunderstood & Unheard?

  8. What We Might Do If We Feel Misunderstood & Unheard • Raise our voice • Repeat ourselves over and over • Argue and attack • Stop speaking and give up

  9. Proving You Have Heard the Speaker Is Helpful If the Speaker is certain they are understood • They don’t need to increase their intensity or repeat the message over and over • They feel respected • They may have clarified their thinking • They feel empowered and possibly more able to move on to problem solving • Often they are more receptive to listen to you now

  10. Tool: Power Listening Show the Speaker that you understand them 1. Frequently paraphrase and reflect back the essence of the speaker’s message • Both facts and feelings 2. Be neutral; don’t convey your views • Avoid reactions like challenging, judging or advising • No questions; only requests to repeat 3. Ask, “Is there more?” until the Speaker is done

  11. Power Listening Practice 1.Decide who will be the Listener first • Identify who the Speaker is by an object 2.The Speaker shares an opinion on any topic 3. The Listener reflects it back • Summarizes both facts and feelings 4. Keep your positions until the Speaker is done; then switch roles • Do not let it become a conversation until the end

  12. Value of Power Listening If there is conflict, this keeps it from getting worse • Better to “understand before seeking to be understood” • People “care what you know when they know that you care” 1. The Speaker can explore their thoughts and feelings 2.The Listener gains more empathy and connection • More prepared to solve problems

  13. Tips for Power Listening 1. “Unnatural” quality makes it work against “natural” bad habits 2. Respectful listening does not mean you agree 3. Practice it first so it is easy to use when stressed 4. Use when you are being criticized or don’t know how to react • Disarms critics • Gives you time to calm down and think

  14. Tool: Peeves & Praises 1. Each lists three points of frustration with the other • Use “I” statements: “I was angry when…,” “I did not like it when…” 2. Each writes three points of praise • “I love it when you…” 3. Exchange lists • Notice your defensive reactions • Be open to any truth 4. Respond to each other • Acknowledge personal faults and strengths 5. Give thanks in prayer together Adapted from Hyung Jin Moon, Non-Reactive Empathetic Listening

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