How Do You Know When It’s Time?

1. Knowing When It’s Time… A short guide to help manage the transition to assisted living for you or a loved one.

2. How Do You Know When It’s Time? So, you think it’s time to consider a move to a senior community for a parent or loved one. Optimally, this discussion is best started before the need arises. Doing so under a crisis or mandatory situation hampers a smooth transition. First a little education about senior living. The umbrella term senior living covers everything from CCRC living to assisted living to specialty environments for dementia. CCRC?? What’s that? What is assisted living really? Here are some definitions to help start this conversation. CCRC is an acronym for Continuing Care Retirement Community. Typically, these communities offer apartments or patio homes where you live independently — similar to 55+ community living. The nice thing about choosing a CCRC over a 55+ community is the continuum of care available should the need arise. Think part independent living, part assisted living, part specialty care, part skilled nursing. Once your loved one moves into a CCRC they can avail themselves of services as needed by moving through the continuum and staying in the community they have come to call home. Assisted living is apartment style living with help with activities of daily living provided in an apartment. Activities of daily living (ADLs) are defined as bathing, dressing, self- feeding, grooming, and toileting. You don’t need assistance to qualify to move into an assisted living community. Why would someone choose this instead of a CCRC? Maybe this is the only option in the area or perhaps the peace-of-mind knowing help can be accessed right in the same apartment is appealing. So, how do you know when it’s time? Before obvious physical or psychological issues occur there are usually lifestyle clues. While every person and every situation is different, here are some things to look for: 1.Does the house or yard show signs of neglect? 2.Is your parent or loved one complaining that the housework is too much? 3.Does your parent live in a large house but really only “live” in the kitchen, a favorite chair in the living room and the bedroom? 4.Are they not leaving the house for days? 5.Have they cut back on their activities? 6.Is mail piling up for more than a few days? 7.Is laundry piling up?

3. When you see these signs it’s time to talk about downsizing, and downsizing to a senior living community makes sense. Some people are scared by the thought of senior living, mostly because their only frame of reference is the nursing home of old. Today’s senior living is miles away from that! Accommodations are private. Meals in a beautiful dining room include healthy and wide menu selections. Activities are holistic. Some equate senior living to collegiate campus living! If you answered yes to most of the questions above, then start looking for physical and psychological signs, which include: 1.A worsening chronic condition. 2.Noticeable weight loss or gain. 3.Changes in or an unkempt appearance. 4.Stale or expired food. 5.Pets that aren’t well tended. These signs add urgency to the discussion. Your loved one’s safety could be at risk. Equip yourself for what could be a difficult discussion. Don’t run away from it! Completing the checklist below with your loved one may be a helpful and rational way to start the conversation. Is your loved on having increasing difficulty managing activities of daily living? Does the house show signs of neglect? Does the yard show signs of neglect? Are they living in a small portion of the house? Have you noticed weight gain or loss? Do they look unkempt? Are there indications they go days without leaving the house? Has mail piled up for more than a week? Is the laundry piling up? Is the food in the refrigerator fresh? Is there an abundance of expired food in the refrigerator or cabinets? Are any appliances broken? Do they talk about any friends? Do pets seem well taken care of? YES NO

4. Answering yes to any of these questions could mean it’s time to talk. Answering yes to the house or yard showing signs of neglect may just mean that the handyman hasn’t come over yet. Answering yes to an unkempt look or stale food could be more critical. Use your judgement. This will most likely, be a conversation that will happen over time — something you leave and come back to. That’s why it’s so very important to not wait until there is a crisis or a health event. Chances are, you’re reading this because you love and have significant concern for an older adult. With their welfare in mind, you want to have the conversation and make decisions with their input. As the expert resource on aging well in New Jersey, United Methodist Communities can help through information, community resources and senior living services. Contact United Methodist Communities If you need more information or have questions about the care and services we provide, please don’t hesitate to call our offices for further information at 732-922- 9800.