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Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time

Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time. Beth. Jamie. Daniel. Heather. David. Pastor Doug Carbondale. Mayor Ray Nagin New Orleans. Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time.

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Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time

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  1. Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time

  2. Beth Jamie Daniel Heather David

  3. Pastor Doug Carbondale Mayor Ray Nagin New Orleans

  4. Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time

  5. Life ReconstructionOne thought at a time • “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 • “and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5-6

  6. The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment No one gets in my way! A resistance (B ) C Anger stimulus perception Fear Significance “She’s so stupid” “She can’t treat me that way!” D issue thoughts Original offense 9 units hurt D x per replay 12 units rage, indignation 24 x 12 + 9 = 297 mind movies replays of incident Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful, revengeful x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x 15 + 297 = 657 E feelings Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 20 + 657 = 1137 F talk, behavior The Pits!!

  7. The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment I’m being rejected! A Not invited (B ) C Anger stimulus perception Fear Self-worth “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” D issue thoughts Original offense 9 units hurt D x per replay 12 units rage, indignation 24 x 12 + 9 = 297 mind movies replays of incident Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful revengeful x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x 15 + 297 = 657 E feelings Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 20 + 657 = 1137 F talk, behavior The Pits!!

  8. A B D C Activating event Perception Feelings Behavior Avoid, Snub friend Complain Gossip Hurt Irritated Incensed Self-pity Bummed People don’t Like me. Something is Wrong with me. They’re mean. Not invited To party Subconscious Message I’m worthless unlovable Experienced Neglect Rejection

  9. A B D C Activating event Perception Feelings Behavior Gracious Engaging Ask about it Hurt Puzzled No big deal Peaceful People don’t Like me. Something is Wrong with me. They’re mean. They’re having a party. I wasn’t Invited. Not invited To party Subconscious Message My worth is in Christ, I am beloved! Experienced Neglect Rejection

  10. A B D C Activating event Perception Feelings Behavior Avoid, Snub friend Complain Gossip Hurt Irritated Incensed Self-pity Bummed People don’t Like me. Something is Wrong with me. They’re mean. Not invited To party Subconscious Message I’m worthless unlovable Experienced Neglect Rejection

  11. A B D C Activating event Perception Feelings Behavior Gracious Engaging Ask about it Hurt Puzzled No big deal Peaceful They’re having a party. I wasn’t Invited. Not invited To party Subconscious Message My worth is in Christ, I am beloved! • A life transforming relationship with • Jesus provides your four basic needs: • Love • Worth • Security • Significance Experienced Neglect Rejection

  12. The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment I’m being rejected! A Not invited (B ) C Anger stimulus perception Fear Self-worth “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” D issue thoughts Original offense 9 units hurt D x per replay 9 units rage, indignation 24 x 9 + 9 = 216 mind movies replays of incident Bitter Grudge Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful E x per replay 12 units malice, revenge 24 x 12 + 216 = 504 feelings Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive x per replay 15 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 15 + 504 = 864 F talk, behavior The Pits!!

  13. Ephesians 4:31-32 • Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. • Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

  14. Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness • Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 • The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!“ Luke 17:3-5

  15. Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness • Forgiveness originates with God • Is a judicial operation, not emotional • Means you take the pain and pay the debt • Doesn’t necessitate interaction with offender • Doesn’t expose you to further mistreatment by offender • Gives best chance to confront offender effectively and sensitively. • Releases the person from any penalty owed to you only, not to God or others offended.

  16. F Reconciliation The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment talk, behavior E Regret, Peace, Love feelings D Refuse to replay incident mind movies D God show me . . . I forgive . . . prayer What’s going on here? No one gets in my way! thoughts (B ) Peace Significance Security A Resistance C Anger stimulus perception “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” Fear Significance D issue thoughts D mind movies replays of incident Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful E feelings Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive F talk, behavior

  17. F Friendly The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment talk, behavior E Peaceful, secure feelings D Refuse to replay mind movies D God show me . . . I forgive . . . I wasn’t invited prayer I’m being rejected! thoughts Not invited (B ) Peace Worth Security A C Anger stimulus perception Fear “That dirty so and so” “They can’t treat me that way!” Self-worth D issue thoughts D mind movies replays of incident Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful E feelings Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive F talk, behavior

  18. What to expect when you forgive: • You may not feel like you have forgiven. • Expect to still feel hurt and pain. • Take that pain to God for consolation. • Seek to understand situation from offender’s point of view. • Analyze incident for personal responsibility. • Expect to experience inner resistance to forgiving. • Expect a flood of replays of the incident. • Expect excuses not to forgive.

  19. Ultimate Purpose: His Glory! • Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. • Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will. • Romans 12:1-2

  20. Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time

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