Husband And Wife Dispute Problem Solution - How To Resolve Conflicts Between Husband And Wife

1. Husband And Wife Dispute Problem Solution - How To Resolve Conflicts Between Husband And Wife I recently received a question from a friend of mine about problems she and her husband are having resolving conflicts. This is such a common problem in relationships. If you can relate, you're normal! This is how she shared her frustrations... "I get so frustrated with how my husband and I can't resolve conflicts. Is there a "right" way that works?" Here's my answer... This is such a great question! Know that you're not alone. Many couples feel ongoing frustration over their inability to come up with solutions that satisfy both people. While coming up with a fool- proof plan for resolving conflict is a worthy goal, it is also very important to realize the important foundation that needs to be in place in order for couples to work together to solve conflicts. According to John Gottman, Ph.D., happy marriages are based on a deep friendship... a mutual respect for one another, and an enjoyment of one another's company. This deep friendship does not prevent arguments; instead it gives couples a "secret weapon" that helps those arguments not get out of hand.

2. When couples have not been able to build this friendship, they may find themselves endlessly fighting the same arguments over and over again. Most arguments are not about the issue argued about, but instead are more about a deep frustration or loneliness in the marriage. Interestingly enough, most conflicts around sexual intimacy could be solved by focusing on building the friendship in the marriage first. It might be helpful to know that couples have different styles of conflict. No one style is deemed better than another. What does matter is that the style work for both people. Another surprising fact is that most marital arguments cannot be resolved, when the focus is on changing the other person. It simply can't be done. Couples would fare much better to work on building the friendship in the marriage and out of this closeness, work toward coming up with solutions that are good for both people. In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", Gottman offers lots of helpful and practical ideas for healing and strengthening marriages. I'll share two now. These hints are helpful when sharing a problem in any relationship you are in. 1. Pick your battles. This is a well-known cliche, but it is undeniably good advice. You don't want your partner walking on eggshells because you get upset about every little thing. In the same sense, it is not healthy to hold everything in and never address your partner when their actions rub you the wrong way. Doing the latter will usually leave you in either a constant state of unhappiness or an explosive argument. You must find a healthy balance between addressing issues and letting some things go; and only you know what that balance is. It is different for everyone. Husband and wife dispute problem solution: this is the first step on how to resolve conflicts between husband and wife.

3. 2. Refrain from insults. Sometimes when we are hurt by something our partner does, we want to find a way to hurt them back. Often, the first thing that comes to our mind is hurting them with our words. Getting even may feel good for the moment, but it will do more damage in the long run. It is like throwing fuel on a burning fire instead of finding a way to put the fire out. Even if the two of you are able to progress long enough to resolve the disagreement, those hurtful insults will linger indefinitely with your partner. 3. Drop your defenses. Sometimes our pride will cause us to listen in a defensive manner, only hearing "You were wrong!" Remember that you and your partner are on the same team. View these disagreements as conversations you are having with your teammate to brainstorm for solutions to a problem preventing your team from being the best they can be. When you look at it from a different angle like that, you can truly make progress. 4. Let go of the "blame game." If your partner is bringing your attention to something you did, do not turn around and mention when they previously committed a similar act. If their previous actions bothered you, you should have made mention of it when it occurred. Don't decide to bring it up just because your own faults are being brought to light. Also, be specific with the things you are addressing. If you are going to mention it, be prepared to present real, actual examples of what they did, when they did it, how it made you feel, and why you felt that way. Don't be vague.

4. 5. Practice active listening. Your goal should be to seek a full understanding of your partner's train of thought through their words. Don't just wait for an opening to respond. Don't spend the entire time thinking about what you want to say next. And definitely avoid interrupting them. Truly listen to your partner's statements and focus on what they are communicating to you. If you need to pause and think of a response when they are finished talking, do so. 6. Set standards for future incidents. This will answer the question of "What now?" For example, it is not enough for you to let your partner know how a situation made you feel. Your partner may understand your feelings and still not know how to avoid making you feel that way again. Discuss what you would like to see done differently if a similar situation arises in the future. This template may look different for every couple. It is important that your partner is given the opportunity to truly understand how your mind operates. 7. Express your gratitude. Thank your partner for listening and caring enough to try to resolve the conflict or disagreement. By doing so, you are highlighting their positive qualities and acknowledging how many negative ways they could have chosen to respond. This will encourage them to continue being open to healthy means of resolving conflict in the future. Pay Close Attention Here- Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door.

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