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Kuya …

Kuya …. People see me as tough and boyish…. They barely know that I am fragile and weak. I've been through a lot of foolishness and games,. and it's about time I thought of making things straight. I started praying for a relationship -- a real one – that I can have. I met a few guys….

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Kuya …

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  1. Kuya…

  2. People see me as tough and boyish…

  3. They barely know that I am fragile and weak.

  4. I've been through a lot of foolishness and games,

  5. and it's about time I thought of making things straight.

  6. I started praying for a relationship -- a real one – that I can have.

  7. I met a few guys…

  8. …and tried to look into what would life look like with them.

  9. Like buying a shoe and trying to fit it,

  10. I couldn't find the right snug.

  11. There were right sizes and nice designs, but NEVER the RIGHT fit.

  12. I kept looking and trying.

  13. I was taking risks, trying to know if this is the answer to what I've been asking Him.

  14. I got hurt, got wounded repetitively;

  15. the scars were scars again and again…

  16. My usual line was "[to] always live each day as if it were my last."

  17. I was living to make each moment count.

  18. I had all the love I could give -- the effort, the time, everything…

  19. …until I was hurt and left and taken for granted.

  20. Even if I gave my all, I feel that I wasn't just enough that is why I couldn't be loved back.

  21. Slowly, I started closing myself in, trying to think things over, figuring myself out.

  22. But then you came…

  23. You stopped me from closing my doors and urged me to try once more.

  24. I have made things hard for you by setting some conditions and acting strict.

  25. I was the total me with you.

  26. "This time, I want to be known and accepted as what I am, in my best and in my worst."

  27. I got the chance to know you more every day.

  28. And each day tells me to give it a try.

  29. But...

  30. I get frustrated. I am insecure. I have flaws.

  31. AndI am afraid of falling in love.

  32. I know I already am.

  33. You inspire me every day and it just feels so great to be cared for and loved and to look forward to something every day.

  34. My fears held me back.

  35. I was too blinded by fear that I wasn't able to see what you felt and what we are at present…

  36. …we were HAPPY…

  37. I kept myself from being happy.

  38. I hurt you with unexpected words that day. I was shaking and crying because of fear.

  39. I couldn't think right at work and I was so eager to speak with you.

  40. I tried to calm myself and think. I read some things at the web and talked with someone.

  41. "No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing."

  42. That time I saw you and heard you cry broke my heart more.

  43. You didn't deserve those words I said. The next thing I knew, I was already crying with you.

  44. Kuya, I know I have doubted you. I judged you wrongly and was too preoccupied with "what if's."

  45. But you proved me wrong and assured me that it's okay to let go of my fear.

  46. Instead of holding on tight to my fear, I should've held on to you.

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