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Kuya …. People see me as tough and boyish…. They barely know that I am fragile and weak. I've been through a lot of foolishness and games,. and it's about time I thought of making things straight. I started praying for a relationship -- a real one – that I can have. I met a few guys….
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I started praying for a relationship -- a real one – that I can have.
…and tried to look into what would life look like with them.
There were right sizes and nice designs, but NEVER the RIGHT fit.
I was taking risks, trying to know if this is the answer to what I've been asking Him.
My usual line was "[to] always live each day as if it were my last."
I had all the love I could give -- the effort, the time, everything…
Even if I gave my all, I feel that I wasn't just enough that is why I couldn't be loved back.
Slowly, I started closing myself in, trying to think things over, figuring myself out.
You stopped me from closing my doors and urged me to try once more.
I have made things hard for you by setting some conditions and acting strict.
"This time, I want to be known and accepted as what I am, in my best and in my worst."
You inspire me every day and it just feels so great to be cared for and loved and to look forward to something every day.
I was too blinded by fear that I wasn't able to see what you felt and what we are at present…
I hurt you with unexpected words that day. I was shaking and crying because of fear.
I couldn't think right at work and I was so eager to speak with you.
I tried to calm myself and think. I read some things at the web and talked with someone.
"No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear. Choose heartbreak over fear of heartbreak; choose doing over doing nothing."
You didn't deserve those words I said. The next thing I knew, I was already crying with you.
Kuya, I know I have doubted you. I judged you wrongly and was too preoccupied with "what if's."
But you proved me wrong and assured me that it's okay to let go of my fear.
Instead of holding on tight to my fear, I should've held on to you.