Positive Solutions for Families Worksheet Resource

1. Positive Solutions for Families Worksheet Resource It has been challenging for interns to gain participation in parenting groups. This worksheet series was created as a strategy to increase the knowledge gained from the parenting group. This resource is not meant to replace parental participation in the group, but rather offer information from the group in a friendly way to perhaps increase interest. Interns can choose to use these sheets one-on-one with parents and highlight information they believe could be useful, or send out the six sheets during the social skills group or however you see fit. It may be useful to copy the CSEFEL activity sheets and resources from the sessions (Such as the Emotion faces ) along with these sheets. Teachers or family workers may also appreciate a packet of these sheets to go over some of what the group would be like. Feel free to edit the sheet as needed.  Good luck! Tiffani Hemcher, MSW intern 2014-2015 When printing, remember to Scale to Fit paper or information will be cut off.

2. This series will provide information on skills and ideas to make children feel safe, loved, special and confident about building relationships, developing friendships and learning new behavior to replace challenging ones. What do you do to help your child feel loved, special and safe. What kind of things do you do to help your child feel competent and confident? Being a parent is not always easy. We experience joy and laughter, as well as exhaustion and frustration living with young children. This can take a toll on anyone’s emotional, mental and physical well-being. Positive Solutions for FamiliesSession I: Making a Connection! Think about a person who was important to you growing up. What did the person do that made you feel special? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Spending time with children. Benefits Barriers Increased self-esteem Time Getting to know your child better Stress More pleasant household Sibling rivalry Children enjoy it Not knowing how to play Responsiveness of child Do the benefits outweigh the barriers? The benefits of spending time with our children would support their social and emotional development and help them to feel confident and loved. There are no easy cures for challenging behavior. The information provided have been shown to work and have been successfully used. Think of your relationships as a “tank” which needs to be filled on a regular basis. We “fill” tanks by hugs, smiles, reading, talking, eating dinner, high-fives & positive encouragement. • Tips for encouraging children: • Get your child’s attention • Be specific • Keep it simple—avoid combining • encouragement with criticism. • 4. Encourage with enthusiasm • 5. Double the impact with physical • warmth (i.e. a hug) • 6. Encourage your child in front of others Catch your child doing the behaviors that you would like to see and encouraging them to continue! This can help increase desired behavior and decrease unwanted behavior. Try to encourage your child at least 5 times this week. How do you think your child felt? How did you feel?

3. The previous sheet focused on play as a powerful parenting practice. This sheet focuses on connecting with your child in positive ways through play. What did you try at home? Give yourself notes of encouragement to pat yourself on the back for something you did with your child this week. Positive Solutions for FamiliesSession II: Making it happen Playtime Advantages Obstacles Child enjoys it Not enough time Increases creativity Sibling gets jealous Teaches interaction Parents too tired Teaches new skills Is a struggle Play helps build a positive relationship with your child. Play can developing problem solving skills. Try playing with your child during routines. I.e. bath time, grocery shopping, etc. The obstacles to play are very real. We need to problem solve how we can make playing a priority! The benefits far outweigh the barriers. Follow your child’s lead. Narrate and imitate the child’s play. The adult models social skills such as giving compliments and taking turns. Try to find 10-15 min to use this type of play with your child. • Tips for playing with your child. • Follow your child’s lead and join in. • TALK about what your child is doing. Limit questions. Describe, comment and expand on what the child is doing. • 3. Encourage your child’s creativity and imagination. • 4. Watch for signs that your child is losing interest. • 5. Avoid power struggles & “correcting”. • 6. Have fun together! If your child was silly/engaged in challenging behavior right after encouraging, why did that happen? Your child may have been trying to get more attention or may be uncomfortable with encouragement. Continue and see what happens. It is sometimes difficult to let children be creative when trying to teach them the names of colors, animals, etc. Here it is important to “go with the flow” After playtime, be sure your child knows what went well: offer positive comments and encouragement. Ask your child if they enjoyed playing. Develop your child’s friendship skills. Plan ahead in arranging play time. Is it better to have one or more friends? Do I have enough materials to prevent sharing problems? How can I help my child be successful;? Keep playtime short. Remind child to use their words. Develop a goal for the week and record when you played with your child, and how your child reacted. ________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. What happened when you played with your child? What behaviors would you like to see less of, more of? When children may not have a way to communicate their needs, they may use challenging behaviors to do so. Beliefs about appropriate behavior may be different. These often involve strong emotions. Our actions often have great impact on a behavior. Sometimes the things we do to stop it may actually make it stronger! Observe when your child is using challenging behavior. Look at what happens before, during and after the behavior. Try to determine what your child is communicating ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Positive Solutions for FamiliesSession III: Why do children do what they do? Remember: Time outs are effective when behaviors are done to get parent’s attention or when a child needs to be removed from a situation to calm him/herself. Do not threaten your child with time out. Do not apply time out after delayed punishment. You must remain calm. The use of Time Out When behavior occurs, provide brief explanation and immediately guide child into chair. Do not interact with child while in time out. Time out should be brief: 3-4 minutes. Set a timer. Only end it if child is calm. Calmly remind child they must sit until time is up. Once time-out is over, child can return to activity. Remind child to behave appropriately briefly and positively. Time out gives a child time to calm down. It does not teach a child new skill. You must teach your child new ways to behave, express emotions and solve problems. Offer positive, specific directions. “Be nice” “Do not run” Try “Use your walking feet” or “Use your words with your friends” Make expectations clear. Assume children “can’t” rather than “won’t” until there is more information. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Come up with a list of household rules. With young children, pick 3-5 rules. Describe what the desired behavior looks like. Pick rules that can be applied in lots of situations. I.e. Clean up after yourself, use your inside voice, etc.

5. This sheet focuses on emotional vocabulary. Emotional vocabulary is the ability to recognize, label, and understand the feelings of oneself and others. Children with these skills tolerate frustration better, are more focused and are less impulsive! This is a vital skill to develop. Positive Solutions for FamiliesSession IV: Teach me what to do Children need to know that all feelings are valid, it’s what we do with them that count! Try labeling your own feelings and emotions for your child as they happen throughout the day. I.e.: “I feel sad. It makes me happy when grandma visits, but I feel sad when she leaves. I miss her!” • Tucker the Turtle: Technique to teach anger management skills. • Recognize that you feel angry • Think “Stop” • Go into your “shell”, take 3 deep breaths and think calming thoughts • Come out of your “shell” when calm and try some of your solutions Feeling faces are another way to teach how faces look when they feel emotions. We can ask children to point to the face that they are feeling, or present a “How would you feel if” scenario Practice taking 3 deep breaths with your child. You can use a sheet or a towel as your shell and practice going under and taking deep breaths. • Help your child think of possible solutions. You can describe a typical problem their child may experience. It’s importance not to criticize your child’s solution. You can have them consider three questions. • Would it be safe? Will someone get hurt? • Would it be fair? • Would everyone feel okay about it? We can ask questions to our children about feelings as we read books, too. Try asking how the character might feel, and what their body or face might look like! What are 3 strategies that you can try with your child to strengthen his/her emotional vocabulary skills? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

6. This worksheet focuses on strategies to responding to challenging behaviors. Remember, you do not need to try all of these strategies at once. Choose one to try until you feel comfortable with it! Positive Solutions for FamiliesSession V: Facing the Challenge Part I • Know what is reasonable for your child. What are your child’s abilities and limitations? How likely is your child to complete the expectation? “start small” by offering reminders or breaking the task into parts. • Logical consequences. These are consequences related to the behavior. I.e. A child throws a block at his sister, so the parent takes the blocks away. • Plan Ahead Try to anticipate what your child may need in situations to help your child have a successful experience. i.e. if you know your child may have to wait, bring books or toys. • Present limited, reasonable choices. Be sure you can stick with your original offer. I.e. “Do you want to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt today? • Use “First, then” statements. I.e. “First, put on your shoes, then you may go outside”. Remember, have a positive focus, set reasonable time limits. • Redirection • Physical redirection. Interrupt your child’s challenging behavior and reengage the child in a more appropriate activity. • Verbal redirection. Distract the child and provide an alternate activity. • Redirection for teaching. Redirection can be used to prompt a child to learn new skills. For example, if a frustrated child begins a tantrum, try saying “You can say “Help please!” • If your child doesn’t comply, Do-WAWP: State the “Do” Direction”, Wait for compliance, (Silently count to 5). Ask the child to restate the direction, Wait for compliance (Silently count to 5). Provide encouragement or help. • Catch your child being “good”! I.e. You are doing such • a good job waiting for your turn on the swing! Remember to stay calm. Acting calmly will reduce the risk of strengthening the behavior you wish to discourage. Additionally, when we remain calm, our child learns to respond appropriately to difficult situations. Write down a challenging situation that commonly occurs with your child. Try to think of a logical consequence that you could use in response! ________________________________________________________________________________

7. This worksheet focuses on strategies to responding to challenging behaviors. Remember, you do not need to try all of these strategies at once. Choose one to try until you feel comfortable with it! Positive Solutions for FamiliesSession VI: Facing the Challenge Part II How are things going at home? What strategies have you tried and how are they working for you and your child? Behavior can mean… “I want you to pay attention to me” “I want that toy” (Food, paint etc.) “I want to play with you” “I don’t want to stop what I’m doing” “I don’t want to clean up” Does your child persist in use of challenging behavior? What do you think your child is getting out of his/her behavior? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ • Remember to try to find the meaning of the behavior. • What happened before the behavior? • What the child did • What happened after the behavior • Develop a 3 part plan. • Use prevention strategies to try to keep problem behavior from happening. • Teach your child new ways to communicate, or new skills to use. • Make sure your child’s problem behavior won’t work for him/her. Your child may refuse a behavior that is necessary. You can tell the child you know what he/she is feeling or wanting, and restate the rule. You can then offer a choice: “You must sit in your car seat, but you can hold your blankie”, etc. Prevention Strategies change the conditions so that your child is less likely to use challenging behavior.I.e: Simplify the task, Explain what will come, reduce distraction, offer help, make the activity fun, That completes the Parenting Group Session worksheet! If you liked the information here or would like to learn more, please consider joining the next parenting group or speaking to the MSW Interns about the group!