THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS

1. THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS

2. RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION: HOW IT HAPPENS • PASSING AWAY • SUDDEN DEATH

3. PHASES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION • INTRA-PSYCHIC PHASE • DYADIC PHASE • SOCIAL PHASE • GRAVE-DRESSING PHASE

4. COMMUNICATING DURING RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION • WHO INITIATES IT? • DISTANCING & DISASSOCIATING • “STRATEGIES”

5. CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION • BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION • LOSS OF SHARED GOALS/INTERESTS • DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE • SEXUAL AND/OR INTIMACY PROBLEMS • ROLE STRAIN • MONEY • CHILDREN • INFIDELITY/LOYALTY ISSUES • ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE

6. DIVORCE

7. DIVORCE FACTS • APPROXIMATELY 50% OF BOTH FIRST AND SECOND MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE • USUALLY AT LEAST ONE CHILD IS INVOLVED • USUALLY IT IS A HIGH STRESS PROCESS FOR ALL CONCERNED

8. COMMON COMMUNICATION PATTERNS DURING DIVORCE • RECIPROCITY OF “BAD” (OFTEN PETTY) ACTS • POWER PLAYS: “I WIN, YOU LOSE” • COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN: • Arguing in front of them • Explaining about “Daddy & Mommy” • Not talking to them about what’s happening

9. PRIMARY CONCERNS/TOPICS FOCUS ON: • Division of resources • Future relationships • Visitation rights & custody (if children &/or pets involved) • CONSTRUCTIVE PATTERNS OF COMMUNICATION ARE POSSIBLE AND SOME COUPLES MANAGE QUITE WELL. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS NOT THE NORM.

10. JEALOUSY

11. WHAT IS JEALOUSY? • A Learned Reaction To A Loss Or Threat Of Loss • Can Be Real or Imagined • WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO BE JEALOUS? • Insecure People • People Who Have a High Dependency On The Relationship • People Who Strongly Support A Value System Involving Possessiveness of Private Property & Total Togetherness in Relationships

12. WHAT ARE WE JEALOUS ABOUT? • Time; Persons; Situations/Opporunities • IS JEALOUSY ALWAYS BAD? • Mild Forms of Jealousy Can Show Concern & Caring for the Relationship • Too Often It Involves Unhealthy Responses Such as Planning Revenge; Sinking into Depression; Wallowing in Self-Pity; etc.

13. COPING WITH JEALOUSY • Communicate in Ways To Develop Self-Esteem/Self-Confidence For Yourself & Your Partner • Talk To Your Partner About Expectations, Assumptions, & Feelings Related to Behaviors That May Be Associated With Jealousy

14. GENDER & JEALOUSY • MALES • Becoming Jealous: Focus on Lowered Self-Esteem Due To Negative Judgment By Partner • Ways of Coping: Get Drunk; Get Aggressive; Feel “Turned On” By Jealous Situation; Get Angry With Self; Engage in Rivalrous Behavior With “Other” Man; Make Effort To Secure Another Relationship

15. Inducing Jealousy: Less Likely Than Females • Motives: Men Likely To Feel Partner’s Interest In Another Romantic Partner Motivated By Desire for More Committed Relationship, Sexual Attraction, &/or Relationship Dissatisfaction

16. FEMALES • Becoming Jealous: Focus On Difficulty in Developing Another Relationship If This One Should End • Ways of Coping: Cry; Try To Make Selves More Attractive To Partner; Pretend Not To Care; Withdraw From Other Relationship Possibilities

17. Inducing Jealousy: More Likely Than Males • Motives: Women Likely to Feel Partner’s Interest In Another Romantic Partner Is Motivated by Desire For More Sexual Variety; Nonsexual Attractions; &/or Relationship Dissatisfaction

18. INFIDELITY

19. TYPES OF INFIDELITY • “ACCIDENTAL” AFFAIRS • ROMANTIC AFFAIRS • MARITAL ARRANGEMENTS • PHILANDERING • Men: Worship Masculinity, Not Intimacy • Women: Angry at men; seek control through sex

20. MYTHS ABOUT INFIDELITY • “EVERYBODY DOES IT” • “MY AFFAIR IS SAVING MY MARRIAGE” • or “SINCE MY PARTNER DOESN’T KNOW, IT DOESN’T AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP” • “IF MY PARTNER WASN’T THE WAY HE/SHE IS, I WOULDN’T HAVE AN AFFAIR” • AFTER AN AFFAIR, DIVORCE IS INEVITABLE