Exploding the Moment

1. Exploding the Moment How to make your writing DA BOMB!

2. How to explode the moment Show! Don’t tell! Zoom lens Sensory details

3. Which line should be exploded? I woke up from the phone ringing. My friend from work called and said she saw a note on my desk to go see the boss when I got in. It was late—as usual. I had no clean clothes and the fridge was next to bare. The subway seemed forever as I waited. We were packed in the subway car like sardines and then the train stopped in the middle of the tunnel, making me even later. At work I grabbed the note off my desk and went to go see the boss. I waited outside her office for a while before she called me in. I couldn’t figure out why she wanted to see me. I went inside and sat down. My boss handed me an envelope. She told me that my services were no longer needed and that I was free to go. I got my belongings from my desk and left. I took a cab home. I am now unemployed.

4. An action one! We were packed in the subway car like sardines and then the train stopped in the middle of the tunnel, making me even later.

5. Explosion paragraph We were packed in the subway car like sardines and then the train stopped in the middle of the tunnel, making me even later. My face pressed against a man’s back, and I could feel arms and shoulders shifting against me, nudging me to make space. I started getting nervous. The air thickened and grew foul—a smell of bodies, hairspray, and musty clothes surrounded me. I wanted to scream! People around me began to sigh and make guttural noises expressing their discomfort. One woman said, “Oh God, I don’t think I can take much more of this.” Heads turned to look at her, and at that moment, the car rocked, and I stumbled into the man next to me. The train finally began to move.

6. Another example The pizza was delicious. This sentence TELLS.

7. Another exploded example Steam rising up off the melted cheese made my mouth water. With the first bite, my teeth sunk into the cheese through the tomato sauce and into the moist crust, making me chew and swallow rapidly. Even the cheese and tomato sauce, sticking to my fingertips, begged to be licked. This paragraph SHOWS.

8. Find a partner and work together Choose one line and “explode” it. He is angry. The girls were excited.

9. Two “showing” suggestions Sitting at this desk, his jaw tightened. His eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted from his mouth, “I need to talk to you after work.” This final hiss in his voice warned me of what was coming. Giggles and screams filled the arena. The soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the anticipation of the event. They held tight to each other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones. The moment was here.